We’ve all known one of those people, or maybe we were one of those people, who immediately thought we had everything figured out the moment we turned eighteen.
But as it turns out, there’s still a lot we have to learn about ourselves and the world around us, and we’re likely going to have some blunders on our way to figure it out, cringed the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor LabOneZZ was shocked when her neighbor’s son turned 18, and he showed up at her door a few days later to ask her out. When she nervously said no, he mistook that as possible interest and asked again.
The Original Poster (OP) was concerned enough about these two interactions that she decided to involve his mother in what happened, which only served to make the entire situation worse.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for telling my neighbor that her newly-18-year-old son asked me out on a date, twice? (To be clear, I SAID NO.)”
The OP had been living next door to a very nice family for years.
“I have been neighbors with a very nice woman and someone I consider a friend for four years. She has a husband and son.”
“I have a son, who has his own apartment, and I have a daughter (16 Female) for whom I share custody with her dad, my ex-husband (51 Male).”
“My neighbor’s (41 Female) son (18 Male) turned 18 the Sunday before last.”
The neighbor’s son did something very unexpected when he turned 18.
“He graduated high school but has not gone to college yet. He said he wanted to take a year off as a break and to try to work in his father’s (49 Male) industry before deciding whether or not college is necessary for him.”
“He asked me out on a date the following Wednesday, and then he asked me out again the following Friday.”
“I (44 Female) said ‘NO’ both times he asked.”
The OP decided it was her responsibility to speak to his mother about it.
“I have a son (23 Male), and if he were to ask out any neighborhood mom, she better tell me. So I told my neighbor what her son did.”
“She said she appreciated me for telling her.”
“The next time I saw the son was in his yard while I was in my yard. His face looked normal before he noticed me. When he saw me, he looked enraged.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some understood the OP being concerned and involving the mom.
“NTA. He’s mad because his mom gave him an earful.” – KronkLaSworda
“He’s embarrassed not only because he was rejected, but then his mom found out, and now he’s feeling shame because his mom likely had a convo with him about it.” – SnailCombo27
“NTA. Well, he took his shot on a childhood crush and failed.”
“But it sounds like he is fixated on you. The fact that he didn’t take no for the first time warranted letting her know. Are you married or with someone? It would be even more disturbing if that were the case.”
“Boys and Girls alike can have crushes on their adults since childhood.”
“Shame he didn’t learn his lesson and felt anger instead of humility. Or better yet, coming over to apologize for making you feel uncomfortable by asking a second time after saying no the first time.”
“Don’t know the kid, but if he was visibly angry when he saw you, I’d just be a little careful.” – Smart_Fact_5402
“Honestly, I’d bet she wasn’t harsh until he mentioned this, ‘He said he only asked the second time because I was smiling and playing with my hair the first time.'”
“Because frankly if my kid told me, ‘Well, she was smiling and ‘playing’ (which may be just nervous fidgeting or a million other things) with her hair,’ they’d get an earful about how they need to learn to Take People At Their Word when it comes to dates, asking them out, any form of romance or sex. Not interpret random facial expressions/gestures to try and justify ignoring what they say.” – StrykerC13
“NTA. In fact, I want to tell you this really says a lot about you: you’re a very moral person for not exploiting that kid who probably doesn’t know what he’s doing. A lot of people use the justification ‘it’s legal,’ and it has begun grooming kids’ heads.”
“I study forensic psychology, and it’s really refreshing to see someone finally have some morality, you did the right thing, I don’t know what the opposite word of a-hole is, but you are that word! keep it up, nothing to regret, but something to celebrate.” – Alternative_Buy4716
Others called the OP YTA for getting the mom involved in her son’s dating life.
“Um. Look, obviously, there’s an age gap. But the kid very consciously did not do anything wrong so I kind of feel like it’s a little f**ked up to blow up his spot like that. Yeah, I weirdly have to go with YTA on this one.”
“Like, the kid has probably had a crush on you forever. It sounds like he was respectful and actually asked you out on a date and didn’t do some gross hitting on you thing.”
“You found out after the fact that he only asked the second time because he was getting what he determined to be mixed signals the first time. You don’t have to get the kid in trouble and get him yelled at for being a respectable little man.” – clintnorth
“YTA, you embarrassed the kid and ratted to his mommy instead of just telling him he’s too young for you. Now he’s going to be scared to ask any women out for fear of betrayal.” – Chiskey_and_wigars
“YTA. You purposely embarrassed this young ADULT. Why did you feel it was necessary to tell his mommy? Did he harass you? Did he say anything inappropriate? Or did he just ask you out on a date?” – brainfreez012
“I wouldn’t say YTA. But it’s a little weird. Just like it’s a little weird for someone half your age to be asking you out. You said no the first time. He should’ve backed off.”
“But from what you’ve told us, it doesn’t sound like sexual harassment or anything that will likely lead to it. I don’t see why you had to make it someone else’s business. Especially when your intent in talking to his mom was to ensure he was later confronted about it.”
“‘I’m not comfortable with the age gap, please don’t ask again,’ might have been better than a ‘no, thank you.’ It sounds like you were pretty aware that this was an inexperienced person. If you were definitely not going to entertain his request, you should’ve made it clearer.”
“I have also been asked out where the circumstances would be inappropriate, even though we were both adults. I made sure to clearly state that it was not appropriate and that they should not ask again. That was the end of it, and I am confident that I got the point across. If nothing illegal happened or would likely have happened, I don’t see the need to take the issue beyond you two, who are both adults.” – coolkidmf
“People are making some really unfair and frankly wild assumptions about this guy. Sounds like he’s just a bit clueless. ‘No, thank you’ to him could mean, ‘not now, she must be busy, I’ll ask again later.'”
“OP should have been more clear, ‘No, sorry, but I’m not interested in you that way,’ and not have told his mom.”
“He looked mad because he’s embarrassed, and that’s valid. He might be young and stupid still, but he’s old enough to deal with that himself; there was no need to get his parents involved.”
“OP isn’t an a**hole, but neither is the guy.” – para-mania
The OP later edited the post to include an update.
“I talked to the mom to ask about how her talk with her son went. Even though she’s the one telling me what happened, she sounded like she was unnecessarily combative with him.”
“She said she confronted him about asking me out twice. Everyone agrees that my exact words were ‘no, thank you’ both times.”
“He said he knew he made a huge mistake when I said no the second time. He said he only asked the second time because I was smiling and playing with my hair the first time.”
“She bluntly asked if an older woman did anything horribly to him, and he said no. He accused his mom of being the one who was making this weird. She asked him what was wrong with him since he was asking out a woman his mom’s age. He said he’s just a normal guy. He said he doesn’t like me anymore since I snitched on him to his mom.”
“He said he’s going to move out and get an apartment since everyone is treating him like a child because he still lives with his parents. Then their conversation ended.”
“The mom told me that she’s annoyed that the dad found it hilarious that his son asked me out.”
“I just listened, and I didn’t criticize how she handled it. I had expected her to be gentle, but she wasn’t.”
“My neighbor still wants to be friends with me despite all of this. I don’t know whether or not we can stay friends in the long term.”
“Maybe when her son moves out, things will be less awkward.”
Some were left side-eyeing the OP after reading the update.
“OP considering not being friends with the neighbor anymore because a young man verbalized young man feelings is the most immature part of this if you ask me.” – Desert-Noir
“Okay, the update part was crazy. Why do you have any problems with the mom? You act like she laughed in your face.”
“If this leads to him growing up, getting his own place, and learning to be a man… then you did him a solid. Acting like the parents did something to you is crazy. Girl, take it as a compliment and move on.” – Apprehensive_Sun3046
“YTA. You turned a rejection into the most humiliating thing you could.”
“He’s an adult. He can vote, he can buy cigarettes, he can join the army, he can buy a gun. But you don’t think he can make his own dating decisions?”
“It’s not that you rejected him. Obviously, that is all well and good, but then you told his mom? You treated him like a child.” – VibratingNinja
Most of the subReddit saw this as a young guy finding his footing in the dating world, finding out who and what he liked, and likely acting on a little teenhood crush he’d held for his neighbor during high school.
They had much more of an issue with how the OP and the mother handled it, as both of them had actively embarrassed and even shamed the 18-year-old, which might make it harder for him to put himself out there, whether in dating or otherwise, in the future.