One little argument can show us how damaged our relationship truly is. People sometimes show their true colors when you least expect it.
Even something as small as a haircut can set people off.
Redditor Puzzleheaded_Gate562 encountered this very issue with her husband. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
She asked:
AITA for cutting my hair at home?
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So with everything happening in our city right now, I opted to cut my own hair instead of going to a salon.”
“I’ve always worn my hair short (since I was a teenager). When my hair gets below my shoulders it starts giving me headaches and I just hate the way it looks on me. It drags my face down and makes me look older than I am.”
“So this afternoon I cut my hair from about down to my mid back. I just couldn’t stand it anymore.”
“I didn’t cut my hair short like my previous styles, I cut a sort of longish bob with curls.”
“I feel better, my daughters love it. I’ve already gotten a compliment of it when I went for takeout.”
“So I didn’t have a manic episode (I’m not bipolar, I just hate the mental health community has treated women, now and in the past).”
“I thought it through. Weighed the risks and benefits, and cut it a little longer than normal in case I messed up and a stylist would need that length to fix it.”
OP’s husband didn’t think it was a good idea.
“ANYWAY”
“My husband laughed at me and shook his head. He turned it in to something about lesbians and how I’m becoming one. My two daughters (5 & 9) were in the room when he said this to me.”
“Here is where I might’ve been the a**hole.”
“I sent the kids to go play and I asked him if he felt insecure that I would suddenly turn lesbian and like elope with another woman. I told he he has no right to my body and I’ll do with it as I please.”
“And what the hell kind of parenting is that to say those things (as a father to their mother!) in front of young girls. I really chewed him out. He gets his hair cut once or twice a year and just hides it under a baseball cap.”
“I don’t tell him to get a haircut because I don’t like it.”
“He got angrier and and has been treating me like shit, more than usual.”
“Am I the a**hole for not telling him or shudder getting his permission?”
OP added an edit.
“Edit: I overheard my 9 year old telling him, ‘Dad that wasn’t nice. Mom lets me decide how I want my hair, shouldn’t she get to choose how she wears hers? And her hair looks good. Why are you mad if it looks good?’ My wonderful baby.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. Fuck this guy. Your ‘he’s treating me worse than usual’ makes me think you should dump this guy – for your sake and that of your daughters.” ~ NUT-me-SHELL
“I was going to say the same thing. If he flips because of a hair cut I can’t imagine what he tells her if something major happens. Not healthy relationship.”
“You do you girl! I’m glad you love your new hair and I’m sure it looks great. Make sure to teach your daughters to love their body and not let anyone control their decision.”
“Edit : BTW NTA, of course.” ~ Huge_Statistician441
“NTA. All of the above. And also, you’re saving so much money! I get my hair cut once a year and I’m annoyed by how much womens’ haircuts cost.” ~ ilikelisticles51
“This is concerning: ‘has been treating me like shit, more than usual'”
“OP, I’m really, really proud of your 9 y.o., but as the posters above have pointed out, please think seriously about the relationship between you and your hubs. Not just for you, but for your daughters. You don’t want them growing up thinking that it’s normal and acceptable for their partners to treat them like shit, because thats the environment they grew up in.” ~ PrideofCapetown
“Exactly this. The daughters seem to still be standing up to the father and have a voice. If this man keeps this up he’s going to either silence that voice or, at the very least, make sure they cut contact when they grow up. And they won’t just cut contact with the father, they would probably cut OP off too as she would have intentionally kept them around someone who treated and talked about women this way.”
“OP needs to take a stand, if not for her, for her daughters’ sake. The one who stays quiet sides with the oppressor, and the one who goes to bed with the sexist homophobe is publicly condoning his actions.” ~ Slow-Bumblebee-8609
OP’s husband seems toxic.
“NTA – your ‘more than usual’ comment is a red flag to me. He treats you poorly often? If he is verbally abusive to you, and he’s not afraid to say that stuff in front of your daughters, that’s teaching them that kind of behavior is okay. I suggest you consider individual therapy to work through the unhealthy dynamic here.” ~ Swegh_
“Do you have any family or close friends near by? Maybe head to a woman’s resource shelter and see what they have to offer. Explain your situation. Look into legal sides of things, talk to a lawyer. Alimony money and child support may be an option. Your kids are definitely picking up on “dad”s abusive behaviors.”
“I hope the best for you and your kiddos. Stay safe.” ~ Pumpkinpunz
OP added.
“There is so much cronyism where I live. I would likely not get custody, I’ve seen it happen here three times.”
“And yeah his attitude is is beyond shitty. And I worry for my kids.”
“Not to be an apologist but I’ve been married to him for 20 years and he’s only been acting this way when I put my foot down about gender roles in the house. I said, I cook, clean, educate and entertain the kids while he’s at work, so when he gets off in the evening, sorry if he’s tired but let’s not pretend I haven’t been working my ass off all day too. I told him I work all day when he’s at work, no breaks, so on days that he’s home we will be splitting chores 50/50.”
“It’s a major change for him, especially in a culture where the women do literally everything except mow the grass.”
“And he’s doing a lot better, but we still sometimes have outbursts like this one. Which is obviously, now that I analyze it, an attempt to say I’m not feminine enough and he doesn’t like it i.e.,get back in your sphere of domesticity!”
“We are going to be doing individual and possibly marital counseling.”
“He’s being a dick, but my kids and I are safe.” ~ Puzzleheaded_Gate562
OP needs to take a hard look at her relationship.