Redditor Arihana_K just had her 18th birthday, and instead of her party being the festive event it was supposed to be, it ended up getting crashed by her mom’s friends and a 6-year-old.
The Original Poster (OP) originally had plans to celebrate with her friends, but her mom insisted on not only joining, but inviting her own friends too.
This turned into a bit of a disaster which then led to a fight.
The OP turned to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for feedback.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my mom not to ever invite her friends again for ruining my birthday party”
She went on to say:
“I [18-year-old Female] recently had my birthday. At first, I was just going to have lunch with my friends at a restaurant.”
“But my parents insisted on joining us and celebrating it together with us (even though we were going to celebrate at home as a family anyway).”
“I didn’t mind and told them I’d be happy to have everyone together at the party.”
“It was all going well until my mom told me she also invited her friends to my birthday party.”
“I didn’t want them there because I didn’t know them well enough and it was just supposed to be people close to me.”
“But she was stubborn about inviting them so I suggested that we could have two timings- one for my mom’s guests and the other for my friends.”
“She agreed to it and it was settled that we will invite her guests at 12 pm while my friends would be there at 2 pm.”
“This way, I could spend enough time with my friends and also give enough time to the other guests.”
“On the day of the party, none of my mom’s guests arrived on time. And only by the time all my friends were there, did they start arriving. I was a bit annoyed but didn’t say anything.”
“One of the guests’ daughter (around 6 years old), wouldn’t leave me alone. She clung to me the entire time.”
“Her parents insisted on having her cut my cake (I let her do it since she was just a kid who probably wanted to do it for fun).”
“But then, she started smashing the cake with her bare hands, wiping her snot on the new dress I was wearing (which was my birthday gift) and even spat on the food.”
“And her parents, instead of disciplining their kid, stopped the music that my friends and I were playing, and played kids’ music so that their daughter could ‘show us her dance’.”
“I didn’t get to spend a single second with my friends and by the time they left, everything was a mess. I still kept my cool and thanked everyone, including those parents, for coming to the party.”
“Once everyone left, I started crying and I told mom how her guests ruined my birthday and that I hoped I never have to see them again.”
“She took it as me blaming her for everything so she started telling me how ungrateful of a child I am and that I didn’t even deserve to have a birthday party.”
“I don’t even know what to tell her anymore.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“‘She took it as me blaming her for everything”
“Well, I mean, her guests did ruin everything, so you wouldn’t be wrong if you did.”
“NTA”
“Your mom’s friend’s kid (who should never have been at your party in the first place) was a little monster…”
“…and it’s completely inappropriate for her to try and seize control of your birthday party.” – Baileythenerd
“NTA.”
“I totally understand. Your mom insisted on her insensitive friends coming, and they ruined it for you – and then your mom blames YOU for it?”
“If this ever happens again (and it shouldn’t- ‘remember last time? No thanks. If they show up, I leave’), then make sure your friends are there FIRST…”
“…and then when your parents’ friends show up, you can leave.”
“Hell, I’m surprised you didn’t leave with your friends when it was clear your parents’ friends were just ruining everything.”
“Kudos on being the more mature person and even thanking them for coming.”
“You can tell your mom that you’re very disappointed in her.”
“Not for the party – maybe she didn’t realize her friends were crap, but for how she ignored and dismissed your feelings and made it about herself.” – kuken_i_fittan
“NTA, however, I’d caution your approach on this one.”
“I’d take this one as a learning experience that your events will be coopted by your mom, so plan whatever events you actually want quite separately from your mom.”
“Also, you’ll get to learn that people are often late to things, so a 2 hour spacing was never actually going to work out.” – Petefriend86
“NTA, and I hope you show your mom this post so she can see just how utterly insensitive and selfish she was to do this and then blame YOU.”
“It was your birthday, but she insisted, likely lied, that she changed the times for her guests (HER guests)…”
“…allowed her guests to disrupt and destroy your things and celebration and, instead of praising you for handling it extremely well, attacked you when you were already down.”
“Your mother is acting like a narcissist. I hope she genuinely isn’t and that showing her all the responses knocks it out of her.”
“Sad to say I doubt it, though. These types of people don’t change or realize others matter easily.” – TabbyTuxedo06
“OP, if you ever decide to have a wedding (or graduation party, baby shower, etc .,) remember this day. If she can’t respect your choice of guests, she can find herself uninvited.”
“Better to have a small, inexpensive celebration with friends that care for you than a giant one which will be ruined by your mom’s friends.”
“In the meantime, try to have a calm discussion with your dad.”
“Tell him how disappointed you are that your mom completely co-opted your party and made zero effort to keep a six-year-old hellion from ruining your party and your dress.”
“Then when your mom isn’t invited to the next celebration, he’ll know why.” – Appalachianwitch17
The OP came back with an update for us:
“Thanks to everyone for your birthday wishes! My friends and I are planning on hanging out pretty soon, and I’m happy we could have a redo party (no parents or six-year-olds this time, lol).”
“Many comments asked about my dad’s reaction.”
“My dad was against the entire thing when my mom first mentioned inviting her friends.”
“But he had to give in since mom was the one paying for most things, and there was no winning an argument with her.”
“During the party, he was..well, drunk. Very drunk. And he didn’t realize how big of a mess it was. He still thinks that the party went really well lol.”
Reddit continued to weigh in:
“NTA. I wish I could give you a hug. So let me break this down if I understand.”
“You wanted to have lunch with just you and your friends.”
“You were going to have a family dinner that night.”
“Your mom asked to tag along. You say yes.”
“Your mom asks to invite HER friends. You say no. She says they are coming.”
“Already at this point, she has transgressed and ruined your birthday. Anything beyond this is just icing on the ‘your mom is an unrepentant narcissist’ cake. Which is apt because let’s continue.”
“You ask for a few hours alone with your friends. She agrees.”
“She lied and has them arrive at the same time.”
“Her friends bring their small child who they let harass you.”
“You are made to let said kid cut your cake.”
“The kid ruins your cake. You never get to eat your cake.”
“You keep your calm and do not take it out on your guests.”
“You only broke down and called her out after you were alone. You are absolutely within your right and your mom is a massive a**.”
“She lied; she hijacked your birthday to have a day and party for her and her friends. This was not your party. It was hers.” – SKDI_0224
“NTA. Wow, it sounds like your mom made your party about her.”
“And then turned it on you and insulted you.”
“Is your mom like this normally? Because she may be narcissistic. Her actions certainly were.”
“Regardless, you’re 18, and you can get the hell away from her. Make your own parties and DON’T invite her. OR her friends.” – PuddleLilacAgain
“You didn’t have a birthday party. She had a party and used you as an excuse to throw it.”
“How on earth would an 18-year-old want random parents, friends (that you don’t even know), and small kids there??”
“It’s obvious that this was all about her and nothing to do with you.”
“What has your dad said about all this?” – HumanityIsBizarre
“NTA. I am sorry you had to go through that. I hope you can leave home soon and go LC with your mum.” – Riyokosan
Verdict: definitely not the a**hole.
We feel for this poor teen having such an important party ruined by her mom’s carelessness.
Happy belated birthday, OP. We hope the make up party goes off without a hitch.