Try as we might, we’ve all forgotten something important in our lives.
Sometimes, these were things that were only important to us, allowing us to get over our disappointment with the passage of time.
Other times though, our brief lapse in memory could have a negative effect on others, and their hurt feelings might not recover quite as quickly.
Accidental as these instances were, however, we have no one to blame but ourselves when this happens.
Which doesn’t stop others from going to great lengths to blame others.
The mother of Redditor Dry-Mastodon473 recently had a special day centered all around her.
While the original poster (OP) and their brother both properly celebrated their mother, their mother’s husband forgot.
Making things more unpleasant, the OP’s stepfather even went so far as to blame the OP and their brother his forgetfulness.
Wondering if they were, in fact, to blame, the OP took to the suBReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not reminding my mom’s husband of her birthday?”
The OP explained why their stepfather felt that they and their brother were to blame for his missing his wife’s major milestone:
“He has been married to her for two years.”
“Dated for one before that.”
“I (26) knew he’s quite busy but didn’t think he would forget.”
“On Mom’s birthday, my brother and I got her one present each.”
“Her favorite actress is starring in a new series so I bought her the novel it’s based on, so she can read it before the show is released.”
“My brother got her a Popmart figurine.”
“When we went over to their house and her husband realized that he forgot, he got upset.”
“He said we should have warned him since we know how much time he spends at work and that things can slip his mind.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for not reminding their stepfather of their mother’s birthday.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s stepfather seemed well aware that he had no one but himself to blame for forgetting his wife’s birthday, and his blaming the OP and his work was clearly just him grasping at straws:
“NTA.”
“If he’s so successful at work, surely he knows how to put important dates on a calendar.”-SneakySneakySquirrel
“Does he pay you for being his personal assistant?”
“No?”
“Then NTA.”- IllustriousSyzygy
“NTA.”
“If a grown man can’t figure out how to use a calendar, he’s trash.”- Angylisis
“You’re not his secretary and he is a grown adult.”
“NTA.”- GroundbreakingPast31
“NTA.”
“He’s a grown a** adult.”
“There are plenty of ways to remind one’s self of important days and activities if you know you’re busy or forgetful and he didn’t bother.”- PM_ME_SEXY_SANDWICH
“In this day and age of digital calendars with alarm systems and multiple reminders… no, you’re NTA.”
“He should use his available resources and make sure he’s not in the dog house when it comes to important wife dates.”
“This is 110% on him.”- Impossible_Smile4113
“NTA.”
“It’s not that hard to set a reminder on his phone.”
“That’s not your job.”- keesouth
“NTA.”
“It’s not your responsibility to handle things for a grown man he should remember by default.”
“And calendars exist on our phones that can remind you well in advance.”- icxrusluv
“NTA.”
“It’s not your job or responsibility to parent other adults.”- Sea_Marble
“NTA.”
“There’s this thing called a calendar.”
“He should look into it.”- nemsoli
“NTA.”
“He’s supposedly a grown man.”
“Doesn’t he know how the calendar function in his phone works?”- nw826
“NTA.”
“If a man has been dating / engaged / married to a woman for 3+ years, he damn well ought to have committed her birthday to memory at that point.”
“Or if he has trouble with birthdays (which is a real thing, but usually not with one’s spouse!) then put a reccuring reminder in your phone / computer, dude.”
“Not rocket science.”
“Then he plays the ‘not my fault, you should’ve reminded me’ card?”
“Yeah, Certified A**hole.”
“Jesus, not the end of the world… own up, say you’re sorry, and make it up to her .”
“Mostly by not forgetting again.”- Ghost_of_Euck
“NTA.”
“$5 says that if you had reminded him of your mother’s birthday, he would have gotten annoyed and defensive and snapped at you that he knew when his wife/your mother’s birthday is.”- mpurdey12
“NTA, he’s a grown man and should be capable of remembering her birthday.”- wagowop
“NTA.”
“Surely this adult man knows that his wife has a birthday and that she would want to celebrated on that day.”
“If he knew he had forgotten the date of that birthday, he could have and should have ASKED one of her children.”
“Then once he was sure of the date, he could have used one of the multitude of options our modern world has to offer in order to remember when it was coming.”
“But he didn’t take those very easy steps to do even the bare minimum to make his wife feel seen and cared for by him.”
“Instead, he’d rather blame others for his failure.”
“We’re all busy in this world.”
“If he cared, he would have made an effort.”- absolutnonsense
“NTA.”
“About 18 years ago, this amazing invention called a smartphone was released to the world.”
“I’m guessing he has one.”
“Create a calendar entry with a reminder, and it will show up every year.”
“Or he could put the birthdate in the contact card for his wife, and the phone will also remind him without being in the calendar.”
“Wait, I thought of another use – he could also put in their anniversary, so he doesn’t miss that.”
“Wait – another use – he could put your birthday in there.”
“He doesn’t get to blame you for his stupidity.”- Such-Might5204
“Hubs is an adult, he needs to adult, which means putting a reminder on his calendar.”
“He’s had three years to enter that information.”
“NTA.”- PleaseCoffeeMe
“NTA.”
“Like…what?”
“Is he for real?”
“He should be mad at himself and take some accountability for his lack of attentiveness.”- Reikotsu
“NTA.”
“He has a smartphone and it has a calendar app.”- Emotional_Fan_7011
“NTA.”
“Bet he will remember next year as he wipes that egg off his face!”- Flimsy-Call-3996
“NTA, he’s an adult.”- RenEss77
“NTA!”
“Lol!”
“Does he use a cell phone?”
“Those have calendars where you can set reminders for upcoming events.”
“Does he have to know dates or deadlines for his work projects?”
“Then he can keep track of family events using the same method he tracks work stuff.”
“Only 2 years into a marriage and he is already shifting blame for his mistakes to people who don’t even live in the house.”
“Lol!”
“Not your fault at all, OP.”- ConfuseableFraggle
“NTA.”
“Why are you responsible for telling him when his wife’s birthday is?”- Agreeable-Monk-5046
“NTA.”
“He’s married to your mother so he should know when her birthday is and not expect you to remind him.”
“That’s the reason why calendars also exist.”- Brave-Fun-7984
“NTA.”
“It’s not your responsibility to take care of his relationships.”
“He’s an adult and needs to take care of his own responsibilities.”
“I am wondering how often he likes to blame others for his own behavior and if he does it with your mom.”- Labradawgz90
“NTA.”
“Mention to your mother that you were chastised for this by her new husband.”- Yaguajay
“Calendars are amazing.”
“He can set a reminder alert to manage his own life.”
“NTA.”- whiteorchid1058
“NTA cell phones have calendars where you can set a reminder for that date, and it pops up.”-NobodyKillsCatLady
“NTA.”
“You shouldn’t have to remind her HUSBAND about her birthday.”- JaayLovesWriting
“NTA.”
“He has a phone and he also has a pen and paper.”
“He could have written a reminder for himself.”
“Tell him to take responsibility for his failures and to stop trying to scapegoat them onto others.”-LavishnessGeneral
“NTA.”
“Everyone should know their spouse’s birthday wth.”
The amount of technology he could have set up to prevent him from remembering too is insane.”-Glass_Bat2332
“NTA.”
“Your gift for you mom was so thoughtful.”
“I love that so much.”
“Your stepfather, though.”
“He was embarrassed that he forgot his wife’s birthday, and he was projecting that onto you.”
“If this was a one-off event, then it probably is just that he was super busy, although it still isn’t your responsibility to remind a grown ass adult that it’s his wife’s birthday.”
“As others have said there are a lot of ways to remind yourself of important dates.”
“If this is a pattern of behavior, be careful.”
“Maybe he’s always had someone else to take care of him, or he’s so self-absorbed he just doesn’t care.”
“In my experience, usually people who behave like this can’t admit they made a mistake and instead blame their mistakes on others.”
“Since you don’t live with your mom and stepfather, you don’t have to deal with it on the daily, but it’s probably good to be aware of this behavior if it’s a regular thing.”- squirrell1974
When we forget something important, like a loved one’s birthday, it’s somewhat expected that we’ll behave in an irrational manner.
However, the last thing anyone can or should do is blame others for their mistake.
It’s also not a great sign that the OP’s stepfather’s first inclination was to get mad at others, rather than make it up to his wife.
Nor will getting mad at her children make him look any better in her eyes.