Living with an alcoholic parent can leave lifelong emotional trauma.
So many people grow up with those psychological wounds.
Alcoholics often don’t acknowledge their actions and behaviors until it’s too late.
That leaves a lot of innocent loved ones lost, trying to figure out how to help themselves and their parent.
Redditor AlastorsQueen wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to take medication so my mom could get drunk?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (18 F[emale]) have had a constant problem with my mom (37 F I think), where she likes to get drunk every other night and blast music all night, preventing me from sleeping.”
“Tonight, I snapped at her when I smelled alcohol on her, with my exact words being ‘Are you drinking already?’ when she came up to my room asking if she and I could talk.”
“I said no, that I don’t feel like talking to her while she’s drinking, and that she can come back when she’s sober.”
“She tried to slide $20 through my door and asked me if I would accept twenty dollars to ‘pop a Benny’ (take Benadryl) to go to sleep so she could drunkenly blast music all night.”
“I refused, and she tried to reason with me.”
“I said I have work at eleven in the morning, and she insisted she would wake me up at nine.”
“I answered that she doesn’t get up until past noon when she’s drunk the night before, and she pressed on.”
“I basically just said I can’t trust her and that she’s proven her words are empty.”
“She made me slide her the $20 back, which I didn’t mind, and she left.”
“Now she’s in the garage, pouting about not being able to blast music.”
“Still, some people on Reddit have sent me DMs when I post things complaining about my mom, saying things like ‘she’s just being silly’ and ‘you’ll regret saying things like this when she’s dead.'”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So now I have to know, am I the one being an a**hole about her drinking?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Your mom literally tried to pay you to drug yourself so she could party.”
“That’s not normal parenting.” ~ Different_Spinach227
“Talk to a counselor at your college about this living situation.”
“They may be able to get you help and get you out of there.”
“Sometimes there are scholarships for people in situations like this. Nothing to lose by asking.”
“And NTA.”
“Seems your mom had you a bit young and thinks it’s her right to party now.”
“But she has no right to do things to anyone that will seriously impact their future.”
“She is acting like a spoiled brat while you adult.” ~ ryverrat1971
“Coercion is NOT consent.”
“She was pressuring you to do something you weren’t cool with.”
“Had you caved to it, she would still be guilty of drugging you.”
“Also, chronic use of Benadryl to sleep is bad for your body and health; you shouldn’t be popping bennies just so your immature af mom can act a drunk fool.”
“Your mom needs to grow up and seek help.”
“Every other day getting sloshed?”
“Pushes drugging her kid to sleep so she can drink?”
“She’s a lush with a drinking problem and needs a reality check.” ~ PennsylvaniaDutchess
“NTA – As a parent, my jaw literally dropped when I heard that she suggested that you take sleeping pills just so that she could be as loud as she wanted.”
“When people in my family need to be up early, the rest of us make an effort to be respectful.”
“If I have some *deeply entrenched need* to blast death metal, I can use a pair of headphones.”
“Your mother is most definitely TA, and I’m not surprised by your comment that you don’t plan on keeping in touch when you move out.”
“Also, let’s be real – although you are an adult and *technically* ‘choosing’ to live with her, it’s only basic courtesy even with roommates.”
“Once you realize that someone is being an AH in your living situation, there’s inevitably going to be some time before you can make an exit (like you’re doing).” ~ OniyaMCD
“NTA. Hide your money.
“Make sure she can’t access your bank account.”
“Secure your important documents.”
“Work towards getting out if possible.”
“I’m sorry, I had a similar experience growing up (albeit), I was younger and my mom did not try to get me to do drugs.”
“I would sleep with a pillow over my head.”
“Now that I am an adult, when arguing about stupid things, she still says, ‘Remember you’re the child and I’m the adult!’”
“Like a lady, you were never the adult.” ~ Left_Set_5610
“You and your mom have the exact age gap my mom and I have, and a similar dynamic–she’s irresponsible and thoughtless, and I was parentified very early and blamed for basically anything that annoyed her.”
“She kicked me out when I was 16 because I ‘cost too much money’ and ‘would be fine’ as a homeless teenager.”
“Your mom is better than mine, but only barely; she’s not being silly, she is a narcissist with an alcohol abuse problem.”
“You are NTA, but you might want to start stacking up some cash in case she decides your presence is getting in the way of her drinking.”
“Anyway, NTA.”
“I’m sorry this is happening to you.”
“It does get better from here, though, and screw all those people who tell you you’ll regret complaining when she’s dead.” ~ Fine-Sherbert-140
“You are NTA.”
“Your mom is dangerous.”
“Be careful.” ~ Famous_Specialist_44
“NTA sleep is a basic necessity; you literally cannot function without it.”
“There is no reason for your mother to be getting drunk and blasting music all night other than her own entertainment.”
“When you become a parent, it’s a basic requirement that you sacrifice your wants to meet your child’s needs.”
“Drugging you is not a valid alternative.” ~ chaserscarlet
“Your mother is a drunken narcissist. NTA.” ~ slippinginto9
“NTA: A parent should be there to guide and protect their child.”
“Do not try to manipulate.”
“Even tho a Benadryl isn’t even a prescription drug, it’s really weird for a PARENT to want their child to take an unnecessary medication to sleep when all you need is reasonable quiet.” ~ AnieMoose
“Back when I had a drinking problem like your mother, I used to blast my music while wearing my AirPods.”
“That way, I could enjoy without disrupting the household.”
“I’m not defending your mother. I think she’s very selfish and needs help.”
“I sobered myself for 3 years.”
“I look back and I’m so ashamed and embarrassed about my behavior.” ~ kosmic04
“Your mum is an alcoholic, and it’s not your job to fix her.”
“Sometimes videos or recordings played to an alcoholic when they are sober help them see it’s a problem, but realistically, if you can find another place to live, if you can’t live with her alcoholism anymore.”
“I’m not sure what country you are in, but in Australia, we have Al-Anon, an offshoot of alcoholics anonymous that can help with advice and resources.” ~ SmurfetteIsAussie
“NTA. Trust me, I have never regretted all the truths I told my mom after she died.”
“She was a bad parent, and yours sounds just a bad.” ~ Spare-Difference3917
“NTA. Someone who lives with other people should not be blasting music all night.”
“That’s just basic respect.”
“It sounds like your mom has a pretty significant drinking problem.” ~ AdelleDeWitt
“OP, I hope you read this.”
“Do NOT take any food or beverages from your mom.”
“I hope you make your own meals.”
“If she is willing to pay you to ‘pop a benny,’ he next step will be just to put it in some food or drink without you knowing.”
“It’s quite easy to do.”
“Crush up a pill and dilute with water or open the capsule and mix with food or water(soda).”
“I know because this is what I do for my pups for their allergies.”
“This is scary behaviour from your mom.”
“And you need to tell your dad about it.”
“She might not stop with Benadryl either.”
“She might try something much stronger.”
“Stay Alert!! NTA.” ~ liquidsky72
“NTA. Besides the obvious issues, has your mom never heard of headphones?”
“Stay safe.” ~ IHaveBoxerDogs
“NTA! BUT OP READ THIS… Benadryl for sleep is really bad for you at your age.”
“Please do not abuse.”
“Your brain is still developing, and Benadryl impacts the way your body processes chemicals responsible for memory and learning.” ~ femoral_contusion
“NTA.”
“And Benny is typically used for benzodiazepines (Valium and similar meds), not Benadryl, so don’t trust her to give you any medications.” ~ DefrockedWizard1
“NTA. Glad college is coming soon – make sure you take any important documents with you, as she seems like she could become slightly unstable (ID, birth certificate, health documents).”
“I’d also ensure she doesn’t have access to your bank account.”
“Keep working, you’ll get out of this.”
“I’m sorry your mom isn’t being a mom.”
“That’s really sad.”
“That kind of thing sits on you, comes out in odd ways, maybe once you’ve got a bit of space and support, find someone to talk to about it.” ~ gftz124nso
Reddit is here for you, OP.
Your mother is detrimental to your well-being.
She needs some serious help.
You have every right to stand up for yourself.
You need you sleep and you deserve some peace.
Hopefully, she’ll see the error of her ways sooner rather than later.
Good Luck.