My Mother had pet names for us as infants and toddlers that only got brought up jokingly as we got older. They were kind of silly.
But my Sisters and I remember them fondly and sometimes call each other those pet names only our Mother really used.
Terms of endearment, when the motive behind them is affection, might still be embarrassing in public, but amongst family it’s usually just nostalgic or loving.
A father who made assumptions about his teenage daughter’s desire to be referred to like her younger half-sisters turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
What_50000 asked:
“AITA for not calling my oldest daughter a princess?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (male, 37) have 3 daughter’s, ages 15, 6, and 5. We’ll call my 15-year-old ‘Taylor’.”
“I had Taylor with my college girlfriend, we broke up when Taylor was just a baby (under a year old). We coparented well together.”
“Now that Taylor is older, she comes here when she wants, but primarily stays with her mom since she’s closer to her school/friends.”
“She isn’t left out—she’s always included in family things, whether it be vacations, family photos, any holiday activities. She has her own room that’s decorated and leaves stuff here.”
“I think all my daughters are equally beautiful and special.”
“I got married to my now wife 8 years ago, we now have 2 daughters together. Taylor’s always gotten along great with my wife and her little sisters.”
“Me, my wife, and all 3 girls went to Disney World for a few days. Taylor has always been a huge Belle fan.”
“First day at Disney, I had some work to do, so I got up early and got ready and went to the lobby while the girls got ready.”
“When I went back up to the room, my youngest 2 were dressed in princess dresses and crowns, while my oldest had on a very what I would call Belle themed outfit. When I saw the younger 2, I said ‘you two look just like princesses’.”
“My youngest asked what about Taylor. Taylor in the last few years has been over the cute pet names. Just because she dressed up like her favorite character, didn’t mean she would want to be called a princess.”
“I just figured at age 15, she would consider herself to be too old. It’s not that I think there’s an age limit, just that my oldest would be over wanting to be considered a princess.”
“So I said, ‘I think Taylor is a little too old to be a princess, but she’s very pretty’. Taylor said thanks, but sounded a little off.”
“I didn’t think anything of it.”
“We had a good day. Taylor was distant with me, but having fun with my wife and her sisters. I figured I would ask her when we got back to the hotel.”
“Well, I got a long angry text from my ex-wife, saying Taylor had texted her that I called her sisters princesses, but not her and said she was too old to be a princess and that really hurt her feelings, I guess.”
“I reminded my ex that Taylor has hated cute pet names for years now. My ex said considering we’re at Disney, and Taylor was in a Belle themed outfit, I should have thought that she might have wanted to be a princess for the day.”
“My ex said I was being an oblivious a**hole. I tried talking to Taylor, but she doesn’t want to talk about it and hasn’t talked to me much.”
“My wife thinks I could have handled the situation better and made it up to Taylor. I don’t think assuming my teen daughter wouldn’t want to be called a princess is being an a**hole.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I think I could be an a**hole because I called my younger daughters a princess and not my oldest who’s a teenager and doesn’t like cute pet/ nicknames.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was the a**hole (YTA).
“She was dressed like her favorite freaking PRINCESS.”
“Taylor probably took it as you fawning over your two youngest darlings, then you had to make up something polite for her after your FIVE-YEAR-OLD could read the room better than you did and called you on it.”
“I’d recommend a one on one outing with her. Tell her she may not want to talk about it, but you need to, so she can just listen.”
“Be honest—she’s growing up and you don’t always know how to handle it. Good luck. YTA.” ~ Only-Ingenuity7889
“I’m a grown woman and I am my dad’s Baby, Princess, Kiddo, and various embarrassing puns on my name. It shows my dad loves me.”
“A teen might be trying to differentiate from their parents hard, but they still want the steady reassurance that they’re always going to be loved. The embarrassing but loving nickname might get vocally rejected, but most kids get the affection and use it as a touchstone for their relationship with their parents.”
“You don’t have to use it in front of her friends, but you sure as hell should use it in front of her.” ~ agoldgold
“YTA. You should have called her a princess, let her roll her eyes, then said ‘it doesn’t matter how old you get, you’ll always be my princess’. You know… typical dad stuff.” ~ FindingNemosAnus
“YTA: Would it have been that hard to simply say ‘You three look lovely’? Like, you complimented two of your children and ignored one of them—the same one who doesn’t spend a lot of time with you.”
“Props to your youngest for trying to include Taylor. She demonstrated more emotional intelligence in that moment than you did.” ~ Impossible_Rain_4727
“Also how hard is it to just say I’m sorry? You said something that unintentionally hurt your daughters feelings. Even if you don’t think it should have upset her, it clearly did so why not apologize?”
“Maybe it wasn’t not being called a princess that hurt her, maybe it was that you singled her out and made her feel less special than her little sisters. Like the fact that she felt more comfortable talking to her mom than talking to you about this says a lot.” ~ Gaberahamj
“There’s this thing many people do where they assume if something isn’t important to them, if it didn’t/wouldn’t upset them, then the other person has no legitimate reason to be upset and they should just get over it. ‘Why would I bother apologizing for something that isn’t a big deal?’.” ~ froggus
“The dad claims he never wanted to make Taylor feels less important, but then when he learns that he hurt her feelings, instead of apologizing he starts getting defensive. From the sound of the post, he didn’t even apologize to Taylor. The guy prefers to post on Reddit than to apologize to his daughter!” ~ AccomplishedIce2853
“And that question from the youngest should have been THE clue to save the situation and make it right by, for example, telling them something along the lines of ‘of course Taylor is a princess but she’s also way on her way to being a queen’ or whatever.”
“Dude (OP), Taylor will definitely already have had the feeling that you like your smaller kids more than her. That’s a kid of divorce thing, a teenage thing and an older sibling thing. She has all these things combined.”
“You should try harder to show her that she doesn’t mean less to you than her sisters do. Calling them princesses but not her, especially after your youngest gave you THE hint to make it right, is only reinforcing that belief.”
“I would try to think of something to do with/for her that’s a 1:1 thing with you and also something that princesses on their way to queen get to do. I don’t know, a session at a make up artist that teaches her how to do her make up, prom dress shopping, or I don’t know what.” ~ LonelyVariety9715
“YTA. Would you rather be ‘right’ and the ‘winner’, or have a relationship with your daughter? Apologize. Be thoughtful in the future.”
“Your oldest daughter likely realizes that her sisters get more of your time and affection. Don’t make her beg, dude.”
“Just put your big boy pants on and tell her you were wrong to be dismissive and that you love her and she’s a f*cking princess.” ~ Fine-Sherbert-140
“Of course being right is OP’s top priority here. His wife, ex, and 5-year-old daughter calling him out wasn’t enough of a wake up call.” ~ BlueHeaven90
“Nailed it. 5-year old called him out. Ex called him out. Wife called him out. Daughter not talking to him.”
“Rather than take the hint and repair his relationship, he’s asking Reddit to validate him. YTA, go repair your relationship with Taylor.” ~ AuntieMame5280
“YTA for making so many excuses instead of just apologizing to your kid.”
“Only kids 12 and under can dress up in costume at Disney parks. From your description, it sounds like your daughter was doing something called DisneyBounding.”
“This is a trend where teens and adults pick an outfit based on their favorite character. Your daughter was showing with her outfit that she wanted to be Belle for the day, and you broke some of the magic by not going along with her.”
“If you were more curious about this, and asking how to make this up to your daughter, then I’d go with a not a-h judgement.” ~ HowlPen
“YTA. First, it sounds like you specifically excluded Taylor when you said 2 of your 3 daughters ‘looked just like princesses’. Saying someone looks like a princess is different than calling her a princess.”
“Second, and worse, YTA for not apologizing when you found out you got it wrong. I know it sucks to be corrected by your ex, that does t help your relationship with Taylor, does it? Suck it up.” ~ Wendy613
OP wonders if it was wrong to make assumptions about his 15-year-old daughter after it was obvious his false assumption upset her.
Seriously‽‽
Dude…