Having a houseguest is always something of a mixed blessing.
Even if it’s someone you were excited to have staying with you, you still need to share more of your space than you’re normally used to.
Not to mention adjusting to their everyday, household habits that might be different from yours.
Houseguests can be especially frustrating if these houseguests extend their stay well beyond their welcome.
The girlfriend of Redditor BodyArtist601’s roommate began spending more and more time at their apartment.
Initially, the original poster (OP) had little to no trouble adjusting to this change.
However, the OP was less than thrilled when their roommate suggested his girlfriend extend her stay indefinitely, making their displeasure at this idea abundantly clear.
After being called “petty” by their roommate, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to let my roommate’s girlfriend move into our apartment without paying rent?”
The OP explained why they were not at all keen on their roommate’s girlfriend becoming their second roommate:
“So, I 25 years old live in a 2-bedroom apartment with my roommate, Jake 26.”
“We’ve been friends since college and split rent, utilities, and chores evenly.”
“Our lease is month-to-month, and we’ve always had bills get paid, place stays clean, no drama.”
“About two months ago, Jake started dating Sarah 24, and she’s been spending a lot of time at our place.”
“Like, a lot.”
“She’s here 5-6 nights a week, uses our kitchen, bathroom, Netflix, you name it.”
“I didn’t mind at first because she’s nice enough, and I figured it was just the honeymoon phase.”
“Last week, Jake sat me down and said Sarah’s lease is ending soon, and he wants her to move in with us.”
“I was caught off guard but asked how we’d handle rent and bills.”
“He said Sarah’s between jobs and can’t afford to chip in right now, but she’d ‘help out with chores’, really?”
“I pointed out that we already split chores evenly, and adding a third person means more mess, more utilities, and more strain on our small space.”
“I suggested Sarah pay a third of the rent and utilities once she’s employed, but Jake got defensive and said I was being petty and unsupportive.”
“He argued that since she’s his girlfriend, it’s not like she’s a stranger, and I should be cool with it because we’re all friends here.”
“Here’s my side.”
“I get that Sarah’s in a tough spot, and I don’t want to seem heartless.”
“I’ve been unemployed before, and it sucks.”
“But our apartment is tiny shared bathroom, small kitchen, thin walls.”
“Having a third person full-time would change the vibe, and I don’t think it’s fair for me to subsidize her living here.”
“I pay $800/month for my half of the rent, plus utilities, and I budget carefully.”
“If Sarah moves in without contributing, I’m essentially covering part of her costs, which doesn’t sit right with me.”
“I also feel like Jake’s dismissing my concerns by framing it as me being unfriendly rather than practical.”
“Jake’s side, as he explained it.”
“He says Sarah’s only temporarily jobless and will make it up later.”
“He thinks I’m overreacting because she’s not some random tenant but his girlfriend, and I should trust she won’t mooch forever.”
“He also said I’m making a big deal out of nothing since she’s already here most of the time anyway.”
“He pointed out that she’s cooked dinner for us a couple of times, so she’s contributing in her own way.”
“The conversation ended with Jake saying I’m being unreasonable and that I’m making Sarah feel unwelcome.”
“Now things are tense, and Sarah’s been avoiding me when she’s over.”
“I don’t want to ruin my friendship with Jake, but I also don’t think I should have to pay for someone else to live here.”
“AITA for putting my foot down?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community stood firmly behind the OP, agreeing that they were not the a**hole to refuse allowing Sarah to move into their apartment rent-free.
Everyone agreed that if Sarah wanted to move in with them, she would need to contribute to rent and bills, not just cooking dinner every now and then, with others finding the idea of Sarah moving in with Jake after only two months of dating a fairly serious red flag:
“NTA.”
“Jake is welcome to support his gf by paying her share until she’s employed again.”- CartwheelsOverClouds
“NTA.”
“He’s been dating her for two months & now he wants her to live with you guys rent-free?”
“Without even an agreement that she pay 1/3 after she finds a job (honestly, still too generous, she may just never get another job)?”
“nope, that’s bullsh*t & possibly a violation of your lease to have her move in anyway.”- VironLLA
“They have been together 2 months, she’s there 5 to 6 nights a week, and she’s ready to move in.”
“How long has she been between jobs?”
“How is she paying the lease that’s ending with no job?”
“NTA.”
“It sounds like she’s looking for someone else to pay her way.”
“If your roommate wants to that’s his choice, but it’s not your responsibility to support her.”-muggleborn2021
“NTA.”
“If you don’t hold this boundary now or come to a mutually agreed upon compromise (not just you caving to their demands) they’ll only take advantage of you more and more as time goes on.”- FruityMystery
“NTA.”
“Sara and Jake have only been dating 2 +/- months?”
“Oh no.”
“This is a big fat red flag.”
“Tell Jake that you’re glad he’s happy.”
“And you support his happiness from your heart, not your wallet.”
“It is not your responsibility to subsidize either Sara or Jake.”
“I think you may need to find another place to live.”
“This is going to get Ugly.”- opine704
“If Jake’s so confident she will make it up later then he should pay her contribution of the rent and she can pay him back.”
“NTA.”- Maximum-Ear1745
“NTA but set firmer boundaries.”
“Tell him she needs to stop coming over every night and that you’ll understand if he wants to move out and get his own place with her but that you will NOT be subsidizing her living in any way, shape or form.”- SnailsInYourAnus
“NTA.”
“I would actually already be uncomfortable with her being there so often.”
“You’re already subsidizing her living if she’s there 5-6 nights a week.”
“I’d be willing to bet your bills have gone up in the last 2 months from what they used to be with the extra consumption.”
“And I would also bet there’s probably a clause in your lease about visitors and how long they are allowed to stay (usually 1-2 nights a week or a certain amount of nights a month. Seen both).”
“I don’t think it’s in your best interest to blow this up into a huge thing right off the bat by bringing up your lease or involving your landlord though.”
“If you and Jake are friends, sit down and have an honest, chill conversation and explain it simply.”
“’This is a small space’.”
“‘I am not comfortable sharing it with a 3rd person’.”
“‘I am also not comfortable (or cannot afford) paying part of that person’s share to live here’.”
“‘She is your girlfriend, not mine’.”
“‘I am not comfortable with her the way you are’.”
“And if all else fails, tell him he’s free to move out into a new place with Sarah and find a new roommate.”- Big_Emergency_7191
“NTA.”
“Seems like you handled it well.”
“Good for putting your foot down.”- CheapEbb2083
“NTA.”
“Sounds like Sarah may be a hobosexual.”
“How certain is Jake that her lease is up, rather than her being evicted?”
“Even if the lease really is ending, that doesn’t mean you have to subsidize Jake’s partner.”
“If she moves in, this is going to get uglier.”
“Hold the line now.”
“Even if Sarah had a great job and easily covered her share, you don’t just move someone in after only two months of dating.”- DragonCelica
“NTA.”
“The problem is though, she’s already moved in.”
“Anyone will tell you that if she’s staying 5/6 nights a week, it’s essentially living there.”
“1 more nights won’t actually change your bills that much.”
“That being said, any flat decisions you’ll now be outvoted.”
“When they no longer want a roommate, you’ll be the one who needs to move out.”
“Tell him if she stays over more than twice a week you’ll consider her as living there and the rent will be divided by 3, whether he pays 2/3s or she pays 1/3, doesn’t matter.”
“But you will only by paying 1/3.”- A_Literal_Fruit_5369
When a roommate starts seeing a new romantic partner, chances are this partner will be spending more and more time in their home.
However, if Sarah wants to make Jake and the OP’s apartment her home, then she needs to contribute to rent.
After all, if the OP allows her to move in rent-free, one can only wonder how long Sarah might remain “between jobs”…