Being on a restricted diet requires planning any time you’re eating away from home. You either need to make sure your destination can meet your needs or plan to bring your own food.
But what if you do plan appropriately, then people eat your food?
A woman turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after an incident at a BBQ with her in-laws.
False-Tadpole8201 asked:
“AITA for ordering a takeaway after my in-laws ate my food and called me a picky eater?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (30s, female) had a BBQ with my partner’s family about a week ago. Both me and my partner brought food for ourselves and to share as well, since I don’t eat certain things.”
“No meat apart from bird meat, no fish/seafood, can’t have too much lactose products or anything too oily and intolerant to a couple of fruits—with all the above I get very nasty stomach issues if consumed and fish no matter how fresh or cooked just stinks to me, this was the case from very young age.”
“The food we brought included some chicken pieces, wings, and veggies like asparagus, potatoes and corn.”
“After we got settled, I went to grab some of the food we brought to find out all of it is gone. I have questioned my father-in-law (FIL) about it as he was in charge of the grill and he told me other family members ate it first.”
“I have pointed out that it was the food we brought with ourselves and intended to eat ourselves too, but both FIL and mother-in-law (MIL) dismissed me and said I am just being a picky eater since there’s still food on the table (beef and pork, which I can’t eat).”
“I got annoyed and just ordered a takeaway for myself (I don’t have stomach issues after eating from the place).”
“My in-laws called me an a**hole since I hadn’t asked anyone else if they wanted to order too and because it made some of the kids upset (the ‘kids’ in question are all between 14 to 35+ in ages).”
“My partner is torn in between and my in-laws are still making snarky comments and call me a ‘spoiled princess’.”
The OP later added:
“A few points that were missed. As stated at the beginning, both me and my partner brought food for ourselves and TO SHARE (3 full bags in total). It is quite common here (UK) to do.”
“I couldn’t have left as in-laws live a couple of hours of driving from us, we were staying over and I was not the driver.”
“The FIL was in charge of the grill due to his own rules. He has splurged on an expensive new one not so long ago and would refuse anyone near it.”
“We had some premade snacks, but obviously snacks are not really that nutritional or healthy to consume on their own.”
“They knew about my restrictions and that some of the food is mine and for me due to them. They have known me for nearly a decade and we had plenty of meals and BBQ’s together and the restrictions were never a problem.”
“I haven’t seen the cooking process as I was in the other part of the garden (which is fairly big) busy with other kids and dogs (we were playing football), so I wasn’t aware when the cooking started.”
“There was plenty of leftovers after, enough to fill the entire fridge, so it was not the case of not having enough food.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I might be an a**hole for ordering takeaway just for myself after the food I brought for myself got eaten by other family members.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“My wife doesn’t eat pork, and hasn’t the whole time I’ve known her. My family is partly Japanese and as an extension uses a lot of pork in cooking.”
“When we have family cookouts, there’s a staple recipe that my dad cooks that’s one of his favorite things his mom made while she was alive, but it includes bacon.”
“As soon as he found out she didn’t eat pork he immediately changed the recipe to turkey bacon and the whole family always tries to limit pork used around her.”
“It’s wild to me they’re not accommodating you and especially that your partner isn’t standing up for you. NTA.” ~ nuggets256
“A friend of mine did a year in Japan in high school. She doesn’t eat fish or seafood (no allergy. Just doesn’t like it.)”
“Her host family had sushi every Friday night and they made her beautiful ones (ham replacing fish, for example) without a glance or murmur of disapproval or a single hint that this was not a pleasure and privilege to accommodate her preferences.”
“I’ve made complete vegan meals so that vegan friends can come over and share food and socialize because THE ENTIRE POINT OF A GET-TOGETHER IS TO SPEND TIME WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY.” ~ Arkymorgan1066
“Exactly. The in law’s response was extremely disrespectful and dismissive.”
“You have eating restrictions. You are not ‘picky’ PERIOD.”
“They were rude and ungrateful hosts. You showed them up by ordering food. This is antipasto salad level of bad hosting and bad manners.”
“They should have paid for your food since their ‘ERROR’ took away anything you could eat and enjoy at their event. They should also have apologized profusely to you … which somehow never happened? And then you became the bad guy because you didn’t order for ‘the children’?”
“Why is your partner torn? Why doesn’t he have your back?” ~ WhizzoButterBoy
“NTA and why is your partner torn? You have dietary restrictions and handled them in a way that imposes as little as possible on others.”
“First, you brought your own food. Then when they ate that, you got some more. Then when they insulted you… Why is your partner torn, again? That’s a problem.” ~ ScarletNotThatOne
“Your partner needs to step up. There’s no torn between here. They were jerks, and they’re continuing to be jerks. Whether or not you’re a picky eater is irrelevant. NTA (but possibly ESH if you didn’t in any way demarcate that your food was yours).
“However, even if you had not, that’s just a faux pas, and doesn’t excuse them being terrible then and after the fact.” ~ zealot_ratio
“NTA. Why would anyone else need takeaway? THEY were at a bbq with food they could eat.” ~ Motor_Dark6406
“One of my first thoughts, maybe FIL’s BBQ isn’t very good (maybe he overcooks, undercooks, overseasons, or has a bunch of meat cuts no one wants).”
“But yeah, if the stuff OP/husband brought was eaten quickly, and there were people upset that OP ordered out because they wanted some too, sounds like a pretty crap BBQ the in-laws were hosting.” ~ epichuntarz
“NTA but your in-laws showed you they don’t care about you. My sister’s boyfriend has a nut allergy and my entire immediate family makes sure there are no nuts or anything packaged in a facility that has nuts. It is insane that they won’t even try.” ~ Junior-Equipment-895
“Um, the other people don’t need to order, too. Because the other people ate your food!!”
“Make it make sense! You brought your own food because you can’t safely eat theirs… THEY proceed to eat YOUR food… and then they have the balls to tell you to get over it and just eat their food anyway‽”
“What the hell kind of entitled bullying bullsh*t is this‽‽ NTA.” ~ Slaator
“I don’t understand why the rest of your in-laws couldn’t be bothered to consider your needs? It’s not hard to employ basic empathy and respect.”
“My mom makes huge family dinners: with 5 kids plus grandkids and partners, there are a few people with specific food needs. We ALWAYS make sure to consider those!”
“If my SIL (or anyone else) brings her own food and enough to share, EVERYONE knows to make sure she gets what she needs first!”
“My mom will make someone’s favorite something, and we all know to check in with that person to make sure they got some, before going feral on what’s left.”
“My parents would murder us all if we did that to someone in our family (but we wouldn’t need to be held accountable by them, in the first place).”
“And, to be clear, we’re all scrappy MF’ers, we’re not afraid to pick a fight or call each other out. My point being, we are not extraordinarily ‘nice’ people. This is the bare minimum. NTA.” ~ StrategyDouble4177
“NTA. I get strong vibes that your inlaws disapprove of your ‘pickiness’ and try to force you to eat according to their desires. They’ve known you long enough to know you have a health problem.”
“They don’t care. You brought your food, you presumably said ‘we brought x for me to eat’, they chose to give it all to other people (how strange that everyone who turned up at the grill before you got a chance happened to want YOUR food and none of the burgers and sausages that tend to be very popular).”
“If someone brings food, it’s common to assume they’ll want to eat some of it. If someone with allergies or intolerances brings food, it gets ringfenced for them.” ~ allyearswift
It sounds like OP will need to guard their food around their in-laws from now on.
Or just never eat at any of their homes again.