Having differing religious beliefs can take a toll on personal relationships.
Not everybody appreciates a little humor at the expense of their faith.
And that’s ok.
But when people begin to police the opinions and clothing of others because of said faith… that can become a problem.
Redditor Tashab7676 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA? Did I mock my sister’s religion?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My sister is Christian and I’m not.”
“We were out to lunch with her family.”
“She was saying my button-up blouse, which showed no cleavage, was too low cut and I was flashing the whole restaurant (which I was not).”
“I made a comment trying to say she was a prude and said, ‘calm down, Christian Mary.'”
“Fast forward a couple of days, she told me her kids were offended by this because I was mocking their religion.”
“I didn’t even remember saying this, but I probably did.”
‘My sister said she couldn’t even remember the convo, but it obviously upset her kids, and I need to apologize and never wear a low-cut shirt again because they’re offended by it.’
‘Mind you, my sister and her husband frequently say Godda**it when upset.”
“And her kids watch The Simpsons.”
“I plan on apologizing, but how do we go forward because she’s acting as if I slip up again, I’m never gonna see her kids?”
“I just feel like I already walk on eggshells around them, and it’s hard to do.”
“How do I talk to her about this, because we both get worked up?”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Am I the a**hole?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“I’d wager you wouldn’t have called her ‘Christian Mary’ had she not policed your clothing.”
“NTA.” ~ lllindseeey
“I know it’s so overused on Reddit, but you need to set boundaries.”
“Explain to her that while you understand her faith is important to her, you’ll no longer be engaging in conversations pertaining to religion.”
“And maintain that boundary.”
“You’ll likely have to mention many times you’re not engaging in conversations having to do with religion, and if she continues, walk away, hang up the phone, etc.” ~ adventuresofViolet
“NTA… lol.”
“I doubt the kids even cared she’s just butthurt that you stood up to her.”
“For the record, commenting on your cleavage in front of her kids was way more inappropriate than what you said.” ~ Gaberahamj
“So let me get this straight—she can all but call you a wh*re in public, but you can’t call her what she literally is? Christian?”
“Is that a slur now?”
“She’s not upset about your words.”
“She’s upset to be confronted by the reality that the rest of the world does not employ or acknowledge her views on morality and propriety.”
“You’re pushing back on the idea that her personal beliefs are universal truths that should dictate the actions and choices of other people, which fundamentally challenges one of the base premises of evangelism—that these are moral laws for everyone, not just subscribers.”
“American protestantism is so strange.”
“I guess she’d faint at half the art in the Vatican. NTA.” ~ aemondstareye
“NTA, she can’t police what you wear and call you a sl*t on the down low and then get upset when you make a joking remark about her prudishness.”
“She doesn’t get to control how you dress.”
“Her kids more than likely don’t actually care; she’s just using them as a guilt trip.”
“Don’t apologize, let her weird self be miserable.” ~ b0redUser13
“NTA. Your comment was tame.”
“Tell her to keep her religion to herself.”
“I once told a pushy religious family member it would be a cold day in hell before I prayed at dinner.”
“She wanted me to say grace, knowing full well I am not religious.”
“Don’t give her an inch; she’ll take a mile.”
“They always do.” ~ AltruisticActuator80
“NTA, but you should have said, ‘Jesus was friends with prostitutes, honey. This top is just fine.'” ~ getfu*dup
“NTA. I’d be petty AF, and next time you heard her blaspheme, I’d overly dramatically cover her kids’ ears.”
“Make a big stink about how offensive her language was and how scary it is for the kids’ Christian souls to have the lord’s name taken in vain.”
“If you can cry at will, sob it out.”
“Take the closest book and fan yourself with it.” ~ Lollipopwalrus
“NTA – people need to stop forcing their own beliefs and ways of life onto others who aren’t the same, and thus be ready to be called out for doing so.”
“If it was legitimately not the right time nor place and the outfit was crude, different story.”
“Her comment came from her beliefs, and modesty means nothing if she is going to be judgmental of others, something frowned upon in her own religion.”
“She is to be modest, not you.”
“It’s her own doing, and you weren’t even mean.” ~ notmenotwhenitsyou
“NTA. Don’t apologize.”
“Your sister was pushing her religiously based standards on you and attempting to shame you for your clothing choice.”
“If anyone should be apologizing here, it’s her, for overstepping.” ~ No-Assignment5538
“NTA. She started it by commenting on your body and clothes, that’s so not okay.”
“And now she is attacking you for defending yourself and your boundaries.” ~ -Quaint-
“NTA as a Catholic, no, you did not insult her religion, and also she’s a hypocrite, picking and choosing what offends her.”
“God frowns on people like them.” ~ MageVicky
“NTA! DON’T APOLOGIZE!”
“They have no right to impose their beliefs on you.”
“Please don’t apologize.”
“Apologizing to those kids is setting a bad precedent that you or others need to conform to their beliefs/feelings.”
“F**k that.” ~ Late_Oven2225
“NTA – if her religious beliefs include policing other people’s outfits, she needs to learn to keep those thoughts to herself.”
“My religion is important to m,e and if it included particular thoughts about clothes, I would adhere to them myself, but not expect other people to adhere to them.” ~ camembert23
“Her kids watch The Simpsons? NTA.” ~ sunny_suburbia
“NTA. Fundies always find something to get butthurt and feel persecuted for.”
“You should instead double down and tell them their idiotic beliefs are driving their ignorance.” ~ yellowjacket810
“NTA. Only religious people and people who feel the need to control others whine about cleavage.”
“You called out why she had a problem with it.”
“You were right, and she’s mad because she doesn’t like you pointing out the negative aspects of her faith.” ~ TheRoadkillRapunzel
“As a Christian here, I don’t believe you really ‘mocked’ our religion.”
“If someone told me that, I would just laugh it off.”
“But if she is truly offended by it, then just apologize.”
“But you’re NTA.” ~ Technical_Lab1228
“OP has nothing to apologize for.”
“If anything, tell sister that when she apologizes for insulting your clothing as slu**y you will consider whether or not calling her a prude was justified.” ~ squirrelsareevil2479
“NTA, her comment on your clothing was clearly motivated by her desire to force her values upon you, those of which are in direct correlation with her religion.”
“Your retort was on point and warranted.” ~ AffectionateSugar832
“NTA. Don’t apologize.”
“And decline all further get-togethers with her and her family until she apologizes to you for trying to police your clothing.” ~ Astreja
“Being offended doesn’t always mean someone else should stop doing the thing.”
“There are people ‘offended’ by the existence of gay people in public, doesn’t mean they should be catered to.”
“This is a learning opportunity for these children that the world is vast and their feelings aren’t in charge of what an adult chooses to wear. NTA.” ~ Voidfishie
“NTA, she isn’t the outfit police.”
“She WANTS you walking on eggshells around her.”
“Don’t give her that power over you.” ~ 2-travel-is-2-live
“NTA. She basically insulted you using her religious views as an excuse.”
“Your sister needs to mind her own way of dress and leave others alone.”
“Ask her why she’s so mad God made boobs… lol.” ~ be_loved_freak
“NTA and I highly doubt the kids were offended.”
“Her religion dictates that she dress modestly, but it doesn’t mean everyone around her has to follow those rules.”
“That wasn’t an insult.”
“She has a persecution complex and is using the kids to justify it.” ~ sreno77
“Have a serious conversation where you explain to the kids that you were mocking their mother, not their religion.”
“Tell them that trying to enforce your religious beliefs on people not of your religion makes one a hypocrite, and it is definitely NOT Christian.”
“Tell them that once their mother apologizes, she can be forgiven.” ~ Wonderful-Put-2453
“NTA. I seriously doubt her kids have been crying to her about your neckline.”
“Start by telling her to mind her own business in the future.” ~ CelticOlive
“NTA. She expects the utmost respect for her beliefs, but has none for yours, as she forces hers on you.”
“A normal person who believes you shouldn’t dress a certain way will not dress a certain way.”
“And that’s the end of the story.”
“That’s their beliefs, not yours.”
“This is what sucks about evangelist types.”
“They get up your ass about their own beliefs that are none of your business and then curl into a ‘I’m being persecuted like we’re back in ancient Rome!’ fetal position when you tell them to back off.” ~ MiguelIstNeugierig
“Her religion is there to stop her from doing things.”
“Not you, or anyone else.”
“Mocking the ludicrous is very much your right.”
“If she claims offence, so what?”
“It doesn’t mean she’s right.”
“It means she doesn’t have a reasonable response. NTA.” ~ MattDubh
“NTA. The world will not cater to their religion.”
“You weren’t even flashing anyone.”
“The fact that they’re trying to police how you dress is ridiculous.” ~ ChaiGreenTea
Reddit is with you, OP.
You weren’t being nasty.
You made a small comment, and you’re willing to apologize.
You’re an adult; nobody can police your words or clothing.
Good Luck.