Everyone has their own dietary needs and preferences, but there are some, like veganism, that draw a lot of opinions out of people.
The second some people see that a wedding or birthday party are going to be all-vegan, they assume the party is going to be terrible or choose not to come, pointed out the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Local_Concentrate535 was vegan and wanted to have an all-vegan birthday party, but they also weren’t comfortable with family members bringing animal product dishes into their home.
When their family criticized them for their planning, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if it had to be such a huge issue for one day out of the year.
They asked the sub:
“AITAH for wanting to host a fully vegan birthday party?”
The OP was planning a special birthday celebration for herself with an all-vegan menu.
“My birthday is coming up in a week or two, and I sent a text invite to my family and friends inviting them over to celebrate, eat snacks, and play games.”
“I’ve been vegan for a few years now, and my boyfriend and I have a ‘no meat’ rule in our apartment since we don’t morally agree with it. It’s never really been a problem because we rarely have people over, and when we do, we usually go out to eat where people can order whatever they’d like; it’s not our house.”
“In the text I sent out, I mentioned that the food and snacks we’d have would be all vegan, and that if people were worried about the food options, they may want to grab something to eat before coming over. We’re not having a meal, just some picky snacks and dessert.”
The OP’s mom called her out on the menu and the inability to bring meat products into the house.
“Anyway, my mom just called me, saying that it was really rude of me not to cater to my guests’ dietary preferences and that it wasn’t fair for them.”
“I’ve hosted parties for my family before, and there’s never been an issue with anyone complaining about the food. I try to have a bunch of options and cater towards what kinds of foods and snacks my family likes.”
“Also, whenever I visited someone else’s house, I understand that this is a choice that I’ve made for myself, and I don’t expect people to make separate things for me. Although it makes me sad seeing people eat meat, knowing what the animals may have had to go through to get there, I have NEVER made them feel bad for what they choose to serve in their home.”Â
The OP didn’t understand what the big issue was for an event that happened once per year.
“I understand wanting to please my guests, but I don’t morally feel comfortable buying or preparing a bunch of meat just to please them.”
“My thought process is that it’s my birthday, and my party, and I’ll be the one buying everything. If people aren’t okay with not having meat or dairy, they simply don’t have to come.”
“Am I being an AH here?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP was NTA and that it was her party, one day out of the year.
“Your party, your menu. NTA.” – Artistic-Tough-7764
“NTA. It’s mind-boggling to me that these people can’t eat some vegan snacks for ONE party, once a year…”
“I have pretty extensive food allergies and I never expect people to cater to them, so I always turn up to events with the expectation that I won’t be able to eat anything, and in MY case it’s allergies, not just that I’m addicted to eating meat or dairy every meal or whatever!” – DustCrafty8374
“NTA. Your house and party, so you get to set the menu. I’m a facultative carnivore (medical reasons,) and I would have no problem attending.”
“Happy Early Birthday.” – lisasimpsonfan
“You aren’t the a**hole. They aren’t forced to attend. I highly doubt that every person who hosts a party always includes a vegan option in their spread.” – Jay_A_Why
“This is what annoys me about people like OP’s mom. We omnivores literally eat vegan foods all the time. Hummus, pretzels, bean dip, popcorn, etc. We’re just not thinking of it as vegan.”
“But especially in a situation like this, which would not even a meal but just snacks, there are literally 10-20 totally vegan snack items I can think of off the top of my head that omnivores eat all the time.”
“It’s so absurd to act like vegan food is some other totally different species of food type and not literally just pretzels dipped in hummus, or lard-free potato chips dipped in bean dip!” – ranchojasper
“I’m an omnivore but I’ve been to vegan and vegetarian events. Ain’t no big deal.”
“If someone is truly unable to deal, they’re welcome to get a burger on the way home.”
“I see this as a non-issue and think those who freak out about it are morons.” – Boeing367-80
“Obviously, you are NTA. If you visit Italians, you most likely get Italian food, visit gluten-free people, get gluten-free food, and so on. Your mom gets to decide what she is serving at her house, you decide what you want to serve at yours.” – stollentrollin
Others reassured the OP that there are lots of delicious vegan options out there.
“Snacks and dessert? Unless they were expecting pigs in a blanket or something, how would the guests even know they were vegan? It didn’t even bear mentioning, in my opinion. But since you did, it’s your party, it’s your choice. NTA.” – No-Koala1918
“It’s ironic, because snacks and dessert are probably the easiest to get away without being obviously vegan.”
“Chips are usually vegan, I believe, most people crush a veggie or fruit platter, and most vegan desserts I think, have really gotten better. I don’t really know, as I have no reason to buy them, but still.”
“Even if you want appetizers you can get like samosas, spring rolls, I imagine even vegan nachos cannot be that different, but again I don’t eat a lot of plant-based meat/dairy alternatives.” – idkdudess
“There are lots of delightful snacks that are vegan. Guac and chips, hummus with a veggie platter, nuts, vegan taquitos. There a lot of vegan snacks you can buy, too. Don’t let whiny meat eaters spoil your birthday.”
“For the record, I am a proud omnivore, but I would never dream of telling a host what to serve. And honestly, your mom should have better manners than this.” – Sufficient-Lie1406
“Mom’s an a**. Eating one vegan meal isn’t going to kill anyone (unless they have food allergies to something, I guess. But then they should probably pre-game before they show up, as OP already suggested).” – PrideOfCapetown
“There are so many totally vegan things people eat all the time and enjoy. The only reason anyone is making a big deal is cause there’s a cultural dislike of the word vegan.”
“Nobody turns down chips and salsa or a fruit and veg tray because it lacks meat. NTA.” – actuallywaffles
“Pb&J’s? Fruit? Pretzels/chips? All vegan. Your family is massively overreacting and playing victim over some snacks. Tell them their presence isn’t needed if they can’t survive one meal without meat. It’s your party, YOUR birthday. Most people are able to eat vegan food. They won’t die.” – hippiechickie72
“There are plenty of vegan snacks and things that are yummy (I’m not a vegan). I would not have realized that I would like vegan foods until I went to a friend’s party and she had vegan snacks.”
“So, it’s also a way to expose non-vegans to foods they may not otherwise try, and give folks an opportunity to learn something new. I did! Now I love making chocolate chia seed pudding! With raspberries on top, OMG.” – FebruaryEcho
A few pointed out that while the OP didn’t have to cook meat, the option should at least be available for people to bring in their own food like the OP did for other family functions.
“I love the hypocrisy of vegans. You’ll pitch an absolute fit if people don’t serve something that you want, but god forbid you’re expected to reciprocate! This is why everyone hates you.”
“So you bring your own dishes, but don’t allow others to bring their’s? You just admitted your hypocrisy. Not to mention, I’m sure you expect your family to cook food for you, but won’t do the same.” – Grizzlady-24
“You bring your food but won’t allow others to bring their food (meat) to your home. You are a hypocrite.” – WrongCase7632
“As long as you communicate what kind of food you are serving. A lot of my vegan friends don’t remember to cater to my soy intolerance, and as a lot of vegan products contain soy, it’s normally a major problem for me.” – No_Limit_2589
“YTA for making a big show of it.”
“You could have just served crackers, veggies, chips and dip, and I wouldn’t even notice.”
“You wanted to make it an issue, and now you’re whining?” – JohnRedcornMAssage
“YTA. Fritos are vegan. Oreos are vegan. Chips and salsa. Guacamole. Fruit and peanut butter dip. You can literally make a freaking buffet out of vegan offerings and nobody would even notice unless you made a big deal out of it for virtue signaling purposes, which you did.” – YUASkingME
“NTA at all, but have you tried not advertising that all the snacks will be vegan? I’d guess that most people wouldn’t even notice it was an all-vegan feast if you just provided crisps, olives, sun-dried tomatoes/antipasti, breadsticks, dips, nachos, hummus, crudités, flatbreads, cherry tomatoes, etc.”
“Presumably, all the people you are inviting are aware you are vegan and therefore shouldn’t be surprised by eating animal-free snacks at your house? If they’re the type to demand meat for every snack, I’m sure they could cope for a couple of hours until they leave to reassure themselves with some meat.”
“I’m not remotely vegan, but people won’t die from not eating animal-based products for a few hours. If you didn’t point out it was vegan, they’d probably just eat it anyway.” – Ohtherewerethen
For the most part, people felt that throwing a vegan birthday didn’t have to be that big of a deal; it was one day out of the year, after all.
The bigger concern, honestly, was that people were not allowed to bring food in, while the OP was welcome to into their homes, and that the OP drew attention to this at all. With a little motification, none of this drama even needed to develop.