Choosing a baby name for a future baby is a favorite task among many parents-to-be, as many people put a great deal of effort into choosing a name, finding a name with meaning, and carefully choosing this first little piece of a child’s identity.
But sometimes, other people can be really disrespectful about the names that parents-to-be choose, pointed out the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Legitimate_Village34 had known the name that she wanted for a baby girl for years, and she was happy to know that her husband loved the name, as well.
When her brother-in-law (BIL) and sister-in-law (SIL) were expecting a baby, she shared the name with them that she wanted for a daughter, and the Original Poster (OP) was surprised when her brother-in-law criticized her choice and kept making jokes about it.
She asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting for feeling hurt that my future brother-in-law turned my favorite baby name into a running joke?”
The OP knew what she wanted to name a future daughter.
“Hi everyone, I just want some outside perspective because my partner keeps telling me to ‘give it a rest’ whenever I bring this up.”
“I (28 Female) have had a favorite baby name since I was very young, it’s always been special to me, and I’ve imagined using it when I one day have children. The name is Juniper.”
“Recently, my partner and I were talking with his brother and sister-in-law (who are expecting their second child) about baby names. In what I thought was a private, trusting moment, I shared my favourite name with them.”
The OP was shocked by how her brother-in-law responded.
“Since then, my brother-in-law has turned it into a constant joke. He keeps bringing it up in the family group chat, saying he’s going to name his daughter that, or slipping it into random jokes.”
“Now it’s become a running gag that everyone in the family knows.”
“Because of this, it feels like when I eventually do have kids, the name won’t feel right anymore, it’s been laughed about and treated like a punchline instead of something meaningful.”
“What hurts is that when they told us the names they’ve considered for future children, I respected that and never told anyone.”
“For me, this isn’t ‘just a name’; it’s tied to my dream of becoming a mother one day, which is something I deeply look forward to.”
The OP felt conflicted when her husband expected her to let it go.
“My partner also likes the name, as if he doesn’t, it could be a reason why he isn’t standing up for us. He also LOVES the name. He’s a big fan and already liked that name before I told him I did.”
“I know I could choose another name and still love my children the same, but am I wrong for feeling hurt and wishing my fiancé would stand up for me more?”
“He keeps saying I’m overreacting, but to me, it feels like something special was made into a family joke at my expense.”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some empathized with the OP and found the brother-in-law, if not the family, to be toxic.
“OP, this name is absolutely beautiful. I’ve never known anyone named that, and the sonorities of it are simply wonderful. It sounds magical, ethereal, it’s delicate yet strong.”
“Please, please, know that it is special, no matter the dumb jokes. And please, use that name, don’t let them ruin a dream you’ve had since childhood.”
“Who cares if it’s not special to them. It’s special to you. I’d be so happy knowing a part of me that has nothing to do with genetics had always been with my mom. That in a way, I had been there with her her whole life.”
“However, to answer your question: You are not overreacting. What they are doing is incredibly disrespectful.” – IrisKV
“Nah, you’re not overreacting, in my opinion. It’s not about the name, it’s about respect and boundaries.”
“You shared something personal, and it was turned into a joke. Feels bad, I get it. By the way, your partner should have ur back on this. Stand firm on it; it might seem small, but it’s clearly important to you.” – Celi_Anne
“Your BIL is a bully, and this behavior on his part needs to stop. Your family needs to understand this, and it’s time for you to stand up to him in front of them and tell him that bullying won’t be allowed. Be firm and then be resolute about it.”
“This name is special to you, and if allowed to continue, what is to say that when you have your little Juniper one day, what is to say he won’t continue the bullying but turn it on your child?”
“You are not remotely overreacting. I’m so sorry. It’s a wonderful name and your BIL is a jerk.” – Glad-Barracuda2243
“I don’t see the joke either. It’s just not funny. And even if it was, jokes get old after a while, and there comes a point when teasing is just mocking.”
“He seems really immature, but if you haven’t expressed how much this bothers you, then you need to start with that. Hopefully, he just corrects his behavior and realizes he’s being a dumba**. If he doesn’t, then more serious steps need to be taken for your boundaries. Because he’s being disrespectful at this point.” – Ant4276
“BIL wants to get under your skin. He’s a bully, like everyone says. Your fiancé is used to his bullying. Now he’s decided to focus on you, which is frankly weird.”
“You won’t win with this guy by being sincere. One way to handle it is to turn it on him in a way that makes him feel mildly uncomfortable, and so he’s no longer interested in making you the center of attention.”
“So respond every time with a seemingly good-natured reply designed to make him the butt of the joke.”
“‘Wow; you’re really obsessed with this name!’ or ‘Haha! Dan is so funny!’ or ‘Oh gosh, Dan, move on!’ or ‘Oh Dan, the joke is getting tired. Can’t you come up with a new one?’ or ‘I’m sorry, did I steal your secret favorite action figure name there, Dan?'”
“Be prepared to be made the family bad guy for not going along with their normal routine. They are likely all glad he’s focused on you and not them right now. Think hard about what marrying into this family means if your fiancé doesn’t have your back.”
“A man who routinely responds You are being too sensitive when you are upset about something isn’t mature enough to be a good husband or father.” – Josie-32
“The reasonable, adult me would advise you to let it go. The more you react to it, the more fun it is for him and the longer it will go on for. Just shrug and move on.”
“The petty part of me wants you to reply with “well, at least it isn’t [name they said they were considering] 🙄” in the family group chat.” – lydocia
Others agreed and felt that the OP’s husband needed to show her more support.
“You really need to have a talk with your husband. This is NOT okay, and he should know that, and tell his family to respect that. The fact that this has gone on so long is a serious problem for your relationship.”
“Does he usually let his family treat you like this? He has to shut this down. HAS to. Or this will be a bigger issue in your relationship. And please still use the name.” – Zealousideal_Tip_147
“Next time BIL says anything, especially when you are in the family group, look at him and ask him why he thinks it’s okay to bully you. Then look at your man and say ‘and why do you think it’s okay? I think I need to rethink this relationship and if I want to be in this family.'”
“Then get up and leave. You may not see it, but the whole group is a bunch of bullies, and BIL is the golden child that never gets corrected. This is your future life. Do you want to bring children into this atmosphere?” – Ok_Resource_8530
“NOR, BIL is a bully. However, what’s more concerning in my opinion is that your fiancé hasn’t got your back and won’t defend you against his family. That’s a big red, and you should take time to think if there are other situations where he didn’t have your back. You don’t want to marry someone who will side with anyone but you.” – autisticfarmgirl
“Your chosen name is adorable! What your BIL is doing is really s**tty and hurtful. But he’s doing it because YOUR HUSBAND DOESN’T HAVE YOUR BACK.”
“Your husband could’ve shut this s**t down immediately. He chose not to. I’d really reconsider if this is the person you want to have children with. Don’t waste the good first name on a bad last name.” – PanicAtTheGaslight
“Juniper is a perfectly fine name, and I hope you still use it. Shame on your husband for not putting a stop to this, so you’re going to have to. Can you talk to this loser BIL?” – Blue-Being22
“Dump the fiancé and keep the baby name.”
“It’s not okay for his family to treat you like this, and it will likely only get worse the more comfortable they are with you. Maybe they all have the potential to learn from being put in their place, but probably not, and resentment will come.”
“I asked my husband to tolerate inappropriate bulls**t from my family (towards me mostly, but some jokes towards him), and 21 years later, we’ve been estranged from them for years because once we had kids and they didn’t mellow out, we weren’t going to allow it to go on any longer.”
“It’s been hard not having supportive family through many things, even though we love our nuclear family and know we did the right thing. Consider carefully now rather than later.” – all8things
Some used this as a cautionary tale to never share baby names before the birth of a child.
“Advice I give anyone even thinking about children. If you have a name picked out, don’t share it till it is actually attached to a baby.”
“Everyone will tell you a name sucks and is stupid so long as it isn’t attached to a child.”
“As for the actual name, I have a second cousin named that, and it is a perfectly normal name. Not sure what joke they are making with it.” – ChaoticUnreal
“NOR. I told one of my friends my potential boy and girl names before finding out the gender. When I found out I was having a girl, his response was, ‘Oh, thank god! That boy’s name was horrible!'”
“I was so grateful that he kept his opinion to himself until it was moot, but most people wouldn’t have been that considerate.” – conbird
“I think it’s a mistake for people to allow themselves such strong attachments to a ‘dream’ baby name, especially from childhood. It’s like creating a mold that you’re determined to pop a future baby into, no matter who that baby might turn out to be.”
“Meanwhile, you haven’t even met the kid’s other parent, who is going to have their own opinions… don’t they matter? I don’t know, to me it just feels like centering a baby’s existence around a personal fantasy of a baby and not honoring the actual, unique baby that’s being brought into the world. If it turns out that the name doesn’t suit the baby, would someone with this extreme name attachment be willfully blind to that?” – SnooGuavas4208
“Word to the wise.. Never, and I mean never, share baby names that you are attached to with other people in your family or friend circle. I don’t care how close you think ya’ll are. It’s so incredibly common for people to covet baby names.”
“You’ll eventually find yourself in the position of having to give up the name due to someone else naming their child that, or you’ll have two kiddos with the same name, leading to irritation on your part and confusion on the part of your child. Never share, just don’t.” – Acrobatic-Gift-9164
“Names should be kept to the parents until the arrival. Otherwise, someone else will poach it (which may or may not matter to the person who was using the name, but my family tradition on my side is that we don’t use names of cousins’ non-related cousins because there’s a lot of mingling) or mock it and ruin it.”
“The easiest thing to do is decline to share your name choice because it’s bad juju or whatever superstition you want to point to.”
“Unless it’s a r/tragedeigh ‘Tragedeigh’ because you want to name your daughter Skharlytte, pronounced Scarlet, then please share so that you can be talked out of it.” – Icky-Tree-Branch
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update in the comments.
“Thank you so much. Since making this post, I actually had a talk with my fiancé about how I felt when it comes to standing up for myself with family jokes.”
“He is the kind of person that hates conflict and prefers to leave things be and not worry about other people. I think maybe this is easier for him to do as he is used to this sibling dynamic, whereas my family never treated each other like this, so it’s not something I’m used to dealing with.”
“My fiancé has apologised and promised that next time a joke is brought up at my expense, he will stand his ground and not worry about keeping the peace. He isn’t a bad person, he just hides away from any type of conflict and prefers not to take things too seriously.”
“Usually, I can let things slide, but this joke just felt like it was slowly ruining something special to me, so I wasn’t able to.”
The subReddit was deeply saddened for the OP that this baby name was being ruined for her, which is a key feature of many women’s dreams of being a mother.
Hopefully, the OP was right that her husband was now going to be more supportive of her and her dreams and not allow her brother-in-law to treat her this way.
It might “just” be a baby name, but for many future parents, it’s a sort of lifeline.