Humor is subjective.
With this in mind, not everyone will find all jokes funny.
Rude humor which is made at the expenses of someone else is an even more complicated mattter.
As while the jokes might elicit laughs, is it really funny to deliberately mock or belittle someone?
Redditor recently had an unfortunate interaction with a customer while at work.
As this customer made jokes that were deliberately at the original poster (OP)’s expense.
Jokes the OP had trouble “laughing off”, resulting in the OP calling her husband this customer out for his behavior.
After some blowback from her friends, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not just laughing off a customer’s sexist remark?”
The OP explained why they had trouble ignoring what a male customer said to her:
“OK so I shared this in a group chat of an interaction I had today, exactly the way its written below.”
“I thought it was just humorous, and I get told that I ‘probably made that poor man feel bad’ for just trying to give me a compliment.”
“For context I’m a woman and a window cleaner by trade and have been for years.”
“I obviously am required to lift heavy things etc which I do with no issue.”
“Up a very tall ladder doing window cleaning.”
“Resident of apartment building at the bottom of the ladder watching.”
“Him: Oh wow, did ya boss get a pay out from the government for hiring you?”
“Me: (still up the ladder, legitimately looking down on him) What for?”
“Him: Oh you know there’s all kinds of grants out there”
“Me: What do you mean?”
“Him: Yeah you know how they pay sometimes for women to be hired for stuff like this.”
“Me: Stuff like what?”
“Him: you know, a man’s job, stuff like this ladders, manual labor.”
“Me: Whats a man’s job?”
“Him: (finally catching on implying the only reason I might be hired is if my boss was offered an incentive might be a tad offensive) Oh yeah I didn’t mean anything by it my mate works in yada yada blah blab blah .. and he got a grant to hire a woman laborer. All power to you though.”
“Me: * silent*.”
“Him: but yeah you are doing a good job I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“ME: Oh you were complimenting me?”
“Him: yeah.”
“Me: Oh yeah your welcome no worries.”
“So yeah that’s it.”
“P.S I have my company logo on etc so I wasn’t going to pop off and I do honestly think this dude thought he was being nice.”
“I’m not too invested either way.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for clapping back at her customer.
Everyone agreed that the OP did absolutely the right thing in calling her customer out for his misogynistic joke, a joke which none of the Reddit community found remotely funny.
“NTA, you were polite.”
“I think you handled it perfectly tbh, sometimes treating stupid/offensive remarks completely literally makes the person realize for themselves, which should (hopefully) have far more impact than you telling them.”- TeenySod
“NTA.”
“Keep looking him in eye and keep asking ‘why’.”- blueyedwineaux
“I feel I’m missing something.”
“I don’t understand how that’s being nice or a compliment.”
“Wasn’t he directly insulting you by implying that you only have a job because boss gets paid for diversity hires, and not your own merit?”
It’s ignorant at best, insulting at worst. Where does a compliment come in?”
“NTA.”
“Either way.”- stophittingthyself
“NTA.”
“I’d have gone with something like “‘Wow, its so rare for people to say those kinds of things to women out loud these days’.”
“Most people aren’t so bold to share their antiquated views with strangers.”
“Crazy.”- apothekryptic
“You handled the interaction really well, actually!”
“Did he maybe feel uncomfortable about it once he realized what he was saying was offensive?”
“Maybe.”
“But it’s okay to make someone uncomfortable when they’re saying sexist / racist / classist / ageist / ableist things.”
“Our mission in life is not to keep everyone around us as comfortable as possible 24/7 (although for some reason some people still think that’s what women are supposed to do).”
“You didn’t even berate him.”
“You just politely asked questions.”
“NTA.”- smallishbear-duck
“So far NTA for laughing it off that it’s not even funny.”
“But you could still definitely have fun with it.”
“Let me give you the kind of response that I would give, as a cranky, perimenopausal Australian woman.”
“‘Oh, I wasn’t aware that a penis was required to wash a window’.”
“‘How exactly does that work?'”
“‘Do you have to bar up to get the job done?'”
“‘Must be pretty tough to work with everyone watching, judging and making assumptions of you based on your d*ck’.”
“‘Kinda the same as judging and making assumptions based on the lack of mine’.”
“‘But here we are I guess’.”
“All said with a huge sh*t eating grin on your face so they don’t know whether you’re making fun of them or yourself.”
“There’s a reason I could never do a customer service or customer facing job.”- TrashPandaLJTAR
“NTA.”
“As a tradie for 20 years, your best response is to make them explain their sexist/racist/bigoted comment.”
“It’s less common now that we have more and more women in non-traditional jobs, but we still get way too many a**holes like that guy.”- AtmosphereOk7872
“NTA.”
“That is a super inappropriate comment to make on a job site and you did the right thing by not entertaining it!”- randomaccount363892
“NTA.”
“You handled that perfectly.”
“You made him realize his own sexism by calmly asking him simple questions.”
“If he felt bad, well…. he should have.”- Delicious-Mess-1562
“NTA.”
“Not sure why he felt the need to comment on someone just doing their job, but maybe you should have thanked him for his unasked for opinion.”- lord_buff74
“NTA.”
“He was an a**hole.”
“When he was asked to clarify he realized he was indeed being an a**hole.”
“That is on him.”- Individual_Metal_983
“Ugh.”
“I hate this.”
“I drive trains and a man once said to me ‘it’s a good job you don’t have to park it’.”
“I had just driven into a major London station and ‘parked’ perfectly.”
“Never let men get away with diminishing you!”
“I wish I’d had the presence of mind to say something, I was literally so shocked at his audacity that I just stood there with my mouth open as he walked away.”
“NTA.”- Choo_Choo444
“I honestly do not understand why you would be the AH.”
“He was sexist, you managed to let him learn that in a polite way.”
“People telling you you did wrong are AHs.”
“NTA.”- redditstinkttotal
“NTA.”
“I am a women engineer & also do traditionally male hobbies football (soccer), cycling, etc.”
“I have dealt with stuff like that my entire life, and think you handled it well.”- Linkcott18
“NTA.”
“He was being insulting, not ‘trying to give you a compliment’.”
“Kudos to you for turning it around.”
“Don’t understand why your friends would care about this man’s feelings when he’s the one who started it and was being rude.”- Nashiker2020
“NTA.”
“Misogyny should be called out at every opportunity.”- use_your_smarts
“NTA.”
“You clearly can’t tell him to f*ck off as you’re in your work uniform, but making him explain himself was the way to go.”- NiobeTonks
“NTA.”
“I think you reacted perfectly.”
“He was obviously being an AH, but you were at work, wearing a company logo and representing a company.”
“You made it clear to him that what he was saying was problematic and you did it in a calm, clear and professional manner.”
“You handled the situation excellently.”- Triny123
“NTA.”
“He was the one being rude.”
“I actually thought you handled it well.”- Muskiecat
“NTA.”
“But the world is full of them.”- ImAMorty777
“NTA.”
“Chef’s kiss responses in my opinion.”
“Couldn’t have handled that any better.”- dude_wheres_the_pie
“NTA.”
“But the guy knew he wasn’t being nice…that’s why he backtracked.”
“You handled it perfectly.”- KokoAngel1192
“NTA.”
“If you were on a construction site, carrying 50-70lbs bags of cement up that ladder to the 3rd floor of the half-finished building, then maybe the guy would have had a point, but f*cking window cleaning?”
“You can just as easily say its a ‘woman’s job’.”- seckarr
“NTA.”
“Stellar response.”
“He clearly hadn’t thought any of this through, and you kindly gave him the space to do it then and there :D.”- GREAT-WHITE-SHART
It’s hard to imagine how this customer thought the OP would be amused by anything he said.
Nor does it seem likely that he truly “didn’t mean anything by it”, like he said.
Perhaps most perplexing of all, however, is why he thought it was appropriate to distract someone while they were in the middle of their work?