Families who maintain family heirlooms and pass them down from family member to family member practice a very loving, close connection from generation to generation.
But even in these close-knit families, sometimes people will still misuse their relationships and show unnecessary entitlement, side-eyed the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Lo966 received a diamond necklace from her late mother to remember her by, and it was realy all she had left of her mother.
Even though her brother also knew that, the Original Poster (OP) was shocked when he demanded she give the necklace up when her niece was born.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for not giving my niece my diamond necklace?”
The OP received a beautiful necklace from her late mother to remember her by.
“About 10 years ago, my mom passed away (I’m 23 Female now).”
“She gave my brothers and me each an expensive keepsake to remember her by. (I got a diamond necklace, and my brother received a gold watch.)”
“Anyway, I was driving, and I’d already been told that my brother’s wife was in labor, which is great, and I didn’t think much of it.”
The OP’s brother then asked something she never expected.
“I got a call from my brother, expecting it to be saying that the baby was born. Does he announce that? Yes. However, he also asks me an interesting question.”
“Straight up, can my niece have Mom’s necklace?”
“This caught me so off guard, I pulled over. My mom had a lot of jewelry, so I was unsure if that was what he was referring to, but nope. The diamond necklace I had been gifted by my mother before she passed, my brother wanted for his daughter.”
“I immediately told him no, and then he proceeded to rave about how much this would mean to his wife and my Mom.”
“I hung up, and I haven’t spoken to him since, and I haven’t even seen my newborn niece.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out that this wasn’t really how family heirlooms were meant to work.
“If your mother wanted the necklace to go to his wife or future child, she would’ve left it to your brother and not you. You are her daughter, and she obviously wanted you to have it.”
“Anything your brother says is bulls**t he made up in his head to justify asking for something that he shouldn’t be asking for.”
“NTA. Your brother is being a self-absorbed AH.”
“He wants to give it to his wife, and I’m guessing he doesn’t want to spend money on an expensive piece of jewelry for a push present, so he wants that necklace. He is not giving a single thought to how you feel being asked to part with it.” – FaithCA79
“By giving it to you, it should be passed onto YOUR daughter and at an age where it would be meaningful, perhaps on her wedding day or the day she graduates college.”
“Whenever it feels right to YOU. And if you never have a daughter, you could have passed it on to your son to share with his possible future wife or children, OR given it to your niece upon your death. Whatever YOU decide to do with it, it’s YOURS, just as your mother intended. NTA.” – Next_Preparation_553
“Mom chose OP for that necklace, and honoring her wishes matters most. A push present is his to buy, not something taken from OP’s grief.”
“Keep it, set the boundary, and maybe let the niece borrow it for a meaningful milestone one day. NTA.” – BunnnyyFizz
“You are 23. You may have kids later in life, you want to give it to. He also got a keepsake so he can give his daughter THAT. This (your brother’s ask) is so weird.” – Illustrious_March192
“Make sure you keep the necklace in a safe deposit box when you’re not wearing it, or at least locked up in a safe in your own home. Because things like this tend to ‘disappear.'”
“Similarly, refuse to ‘loan’ it to the niece when they ask if she can wear it for special occasions because you’ll never get it back without involving the law.” – LissaBryan
“NTA. Tell him you’re sure that it would mean a lot to someone, and you know that because of how much it means to you.”
“Go on about why it means so much. Overwhelm him with reports about how you adore it and how much you would be devastated if you lost it. Not a toy.” – Yaguajay
Others were certain that the AH brother didn’t even want it for his daughter, but for his wife as a free “push present” for giving birth.
“Let’s be honest. The wife wants it. The brother doesn’t want to buy her a push present. They both suck. NTA.” – bino0526
“It’s not for his daughter. It’s for his wife.”
“I bet your older brother, the one with two daughters, makes more money than the other one. He probably (or didn’t, his wife might not be a demanding woman) got his wife something nice, or got his daughters something nice, after their births.”
“Your other brother is just trying to save face by demanding you donate to his ‘baby’… (but… wife), because he can’t afford something as nice as your other brother got for his. So you have to make up the difference; it is your niece after all (sarcastic comment)…”
“Ugg, yet another example in history of a woman having to step in when a man fell short. NTA.” – HeyPrettyLadyMaam
“It’s highly likely that SIL was going to be the intended recipient when OP’s brother called and asked OP to give the necklace to his child. It was a cover for SIL.”
“What’s a newborn going to do with a diamond necklace anyway? All they care about is pooping, feeding, and crying at that stage. Babies have no concept of material things yet.” – awkwardturtle234
“No doubt, SIL was already wearing that necklace in her mind. She probably intended to give it to her daughter when the girl got married or something, but she fully intended to wear it for decades until the wedding.” – Nicknamewastoolong
“HE or his WIFE is insane. What a**es. I’d be so very, very angry.”
“Word would spread through the grapevine.”
“Like, ‘Aunty, you remember how Mom gave bro and me each a piece of her jewelry to remember her by before she died? Now, didn’t that guy demand I give the baby my most precious memory of my mom? Gaslighting me about ‘how happy mom would be’?! What a monster!'”
“Spread your narrative before he spreads his.” – Playful_Site_2714
Some also pointed out that it didn’t make sense to give a diamond necklace to someone so young.
“I gave my three-year-old niece my grandmother‘s diamond earrings. Obviously, her parents were to be in charge of them. All I know is that by the time she was a teenager, the earrings were lost.”
“NTA, OP. Keep it safe.” – geniologygal
“No, you’re not wrong; he is for asking. Your mom left it to you. Keep it and pass it down to your children someday. And if you don’t have children and you wouldn’t mind your niece having it, you can leave it to her. But I agree with one of the other commenters, he probably really wanted it for his wife.”
“Even if he wanted it for his daughter, it’ll likely be gone, lost, or donated by the time she’s even old enough to wear it. It’s only safe and cherished with you.” – Sudden-Counter-9059
“My grandmother’s various, fairly expensive diamond jewelry all went to my mom and aunt. My mom gave me and my sister each an important thing. I got diamond earrings. Mine ‘went missing’ from my own home, along with several other diamond, gold, and platinum pieces (necklaces, earrings).”
“None of them were worth in the tens of thousands of dollars, but they were all priceless to me. I later heard my sister also lost her items from my grandmother. My aunt’s home was burglarized, and she lost everything she’d inherited.”
“Out of the four of us, only my mom has her pieces still. It’s heartbreaking because they meant more sentimentally than anything else. I remember always seeing my grandmother dolled up. I’d fawn over her sparkly everything growing up.”
“She was big on dressing up, hitting Vegas blackjack tables, and beating the house. She was that type of flashy. Just bought glitz to doll up her gray hair set in perfect curls. So much class. She’d have LOVED for us to have worn her pieces more than we got to.”
“I wore mine at my wedding. Then ‘lost’ them after carefully putting them away after my first anniversary. I know they were put away. And I know whoever took them also took the rest of my jewelry.”
“I also am 99% sure I know WHO took them. It’s infuriating to say the least. And you just KNOW they were pawned. How awful!” – Antique_Safety_4246
“That’s flat-out bizarre. His daughter was just born, and his announcement to you is combined with a request for a diamond necklace? Your mother left the necklace to you. If she wanted it to go to your brother and/or his kids, she would have given it to him.”
“If it’s not already in a safety deposit box or a safe, get it in there. I wouldn’t put it past someone like your brother to just take it ‘for his daughter.'” – LoomingDisaster
The subReddit was shocked at the OP’s brother’s, and possibly her sister-in-law’s, entitlement around the one heirloom that she inherited from her late mother.
It seemed likely to most that the necklace was really for the sister-in-law, who either wanted to be recognized as a member of the family or applauded for giving birth, but even if it were for the OP’s niece, it was very likely that she’d never get to see it by the time she was old enough to wear it.
It was best for the OP to enjoy the physical connection she still had to her mother and decide when she was a few years older what was best.