First periods and getting used to a young teen’s period cycle can be a stressful and confusing time for teens and parents, especially if a teen has a somewhat unpredictable cycle or is shy about communicating their symptoms.
But this is one of those situations where every parent might not approach the situation in the same way, but it’s safe to say that most of them are trying their best, pointed out the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Particular-Map-3265 was not aware that his tween daughter, who he co-parented, had started her period cycle, so when she had a period at his home, he was surprised and quickly took her to the store for supplies.
But when his ex-wife later criticized him for the products he chose and allowed their daughter to use, the Original Poster (OP) was nothing short of shocked by her reaction.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for not getting approval on my daughter’s period products?”
Something surprising happened when the OP’s daughter was at his home.
“I (32 Male) have shared custody of my daughter (almost 11) with her mom.”
“This past weekend, my daughter came to me and said her ‘girly time’ (her words) came.”
“I was a little taken aback, only because I was unaware she had started having a period (I originally was under the impression that this was her first up until she let me know she’s had a cycle before).”
The OP was quick to get his daughter what she needed.
“I asked if she needed any products or if she had some with her, and she said she didn’t.”
“I tried to reassure her and make sure she knew there wasn’t anything to be embarrassed about, and then I called her mom to maybe see about scooping up some products, but no answer, but I did shoot her a text.”
“My daughter made a makeshift temporary fix, and we rushed to the nearest open store. I asked what products she usually uses, she said she’s only had a period once before and that the school nurse (her school has a sports camp during summer) gave her a tampon because she’s in sports, and her mom gave her pads.”
“The store was closing soon, so I just grabbed two boxes of each so I could have an emergency stash at my house as well, and hoped for the best. We rushed back home, I gave her the boxes, let her freshen up, tossed her clothes in the laundry, and we carried on with the rest of our night.”
The OP’s ex-wife was not happy with how he handled the situation.
“Earlier today, my daughter went to go back to her mom’s house, her mom picked her up and everything was good until a few hours ago, when I get a call from my daughters mother screaming at me about letting her use a tampon, angry that I didn’t run it by her first, that my daughters too young for one, she’s not okay with it, and that it’s for adults.”
“I brought up how I called and texted and heard nothing back, but she didn’t wanna hear it. She got mad at me for trying to deflect and hung up on me.”
“(For context, the text I sent earlier after she didn’t answer my call was saying that our daughters period came and she has no products with her so I’m going to the store, that text got no response until a few hours after I texted again after coming back from the store saying that everything was handled now.)”
“I probably didn’t handle this perfectly, and I’ve been thinking about what I could’ve done differently. If I messed up here, I’m fully willing to try and rectify things.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some theorized that the OP’s ex-wife was simply looking for an argument.
“NTA. Mom sounds like she’s just looking for something to be mad about.”
“For my daughter’s first time, I took her to the store and pointed out the pads that would be appropriately sized for her and let her select. (She wasn’t interested in tampons at that time.)”
“I let her choose the ones she wanted (the cutest package, of course) and then took her up front to pay. I wanted her to know there was nothing embarrassing about purchasing products you need, so I gave her my card and let her ‘buy’ them herself.”
“The sweet little lady at the checkout realized what I was doing and winked at me. Then she stuck a Hersey bar in my daughter’s bag and said, ‘There ya go, sugar. Chocolate always helps.'”
“She told me later that made her feel like she was in some kind of special club or something.”
“P.S., Your ex needs to take a health class.” – SueShe19
“Trying to rectify… what?”
“This is actually wild. What the f**k did your ex expect? No, you’re NTA for making sure your kid is being taken care of and is making choices about HER own body. Your ex is the one making it weird by potentially sexualizing a d**n period.”
“That’s the only reason I can think of that she’d say a tampon ‘is for adults.’ Like what?? It’s a normal bodily function, and if you’re buying your kid both pads and tampons, you’re offering her bodily autonomy.”
“Keep being a good dad and offering her choices about her body; you’re doing great.”
“NTA again. Tell your ex to seek Jesus.” – heyyy_its_raeee
“If the ex was so concerned she should have a) given OP a heads up that daughter had started menstruating (my Mum told my Dad, because it was relevant information for my time at his place, and particularly when you first start, it’s unlikely to be regular and predictable), and B) if she cared so damn much, sent supplies with her.”
“Since she didn’t bother to do either, she can shut the f**k up.”
“Also, the choice should be whatever the daughter feels most comfortable with.” – Lilitu9Tails
“The mother is the a**hole for not giving the daughter a stash of supplies or informing Dad she’d started menstruating. This is basic communication between parents! This whole situation could have been avoided, but drama mama wanted to set Dad up to fail.”
“Dad, you need to clearly document this interaction, your daughter’s story about her first time, the fact that the mom didn’t tell you or give you a heads up, your texts, and her response. She’ll absolutely use this all against you at some point.” – Defiant-Lion8183
“Let’s not forget that mom didn’t inform dad about the fact that his daughter has her period started and what products to use. So what about co-parenting? Looks very much single-sided. What else is she going to withhold?”
“She just sent her to dad for days without any products or a chance to get them her approved way. What is her idea of how they (dad and daughter) should have handled it when she didn’t answer? The shop was about to close. Just let the daughter bleed and destroy her clothes, dignity, furniture?” – Draigdwi
Others reassured the OP that he’d done the best that he could in the moment.
“If I ever have a daughter, I’ll probably have some period products at home by the time she’s like 8-9, just in case. That way I’d stay ahead of the mad scramble to get some to get some, making the first period a little less stressful for her.”
“Other than that, I can’t really see anything OP could’ve done much better. Considering OP’s daughter is the one who has to walk around with it for a couple days, she should determine what product she’s most comfortable with (and is absorbent enough).” – ensalys
“Kid indicated she had already used a tampon. Some girls have no issues with them, some do. There’s a learning curve to figure out what works best, and if it was only her second period ever, it’s better to just have a smorgasbord of products, to be honest.”
“I won’t even get into the light days, the heavy overnight pads, they have period panties these days that keep leaks from happening, and other wonders that were not available when I was growing up.”
“NTA for buying things on the fly on a trip to the store you made together. She’s allowed to have a say in what she uses.” – 2dogs1life
“I can’t imagine as a young girl, active in sports, not using tampons almost immediately.”
“Your ex’s response of ‘tampons are for adults’ is insane. Tampons are absolutely not just ‘for adults’. The fact that she’s saying that or even thinking it grosses me out because it’s indicative of her associating a tampon with something sexual, and it’s so far from anything even remotely THAT.”
“Keep being a good Dad, keep reassuring your daughter, and keep letting her make these choices about her own body. By the way, unless your ex is gonna rake the school nurse over the coals for actually being the first to give your daughter a tampon… well, then she has no business reaming you out over it.” – Visual_Patience_41
“NTA. If your ex was that worried about it, she should have sent feminine hygiene products with your daughter, as she must have been aware that she had had her period once before. Your daughter had a need, you reached out to your ex, and she didn’t respond, so you handled it on your own.” – InternalAggressive28
“You are a great dad, and it shows because your daughter was comfortable coming to you with this. You handled it perfectly. Sounds like you have a great relationship with your daughter.” – Interesting_Wing_461
The subReddit was thoroughly weirded out by how the OP’s ex-wife responded to this situation, especially when the OP worked as hard as he did to make their daughter comfortable.
If the OP’s ex was going to be this alarmed about this situation, she should have sent their daughter more prepared, especially since this wasn’t her first period.