While every relationship is different, there are a few key features that every quality relationship includes, like respect, trust, and open communication.
If two people do not value those features and might even try to discredit them, the relationship isn’t likely to last, cringed the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Fresh-Tea8892 admitted that they and their girlfriend had both cheated at the beginning of their relationship, and they’d agreed to work on the relationship by staying together, being honest, and sharing their locations with each other, so they know what they’re both doing.
When their girlfriend started claiming to feel “smothered” by the agreement and began turning her location off when she went out, the Original Poster (OP) became concerned about the direction of the relationship.
They asked the sub:
“AITAH for being upset my girlfriend wants to turn her location off during girls’ night out?”
The OP and their girlfriend’s relationship did not get off to the best start.
“We both made some mistakes early on in our relationship. She cheated and lied about it, I retaliated by doing the same, but we’ve since moved past it as much as you can from such a thing.”
“Also, I’m not saying I’m a victim here; I’m fully aware I’m also a bad guy in this story.”
“There was a period in time she wasn’t sure if she was going to choose me or him, and it was a struggle to get through, but ultimately I held out, and we’re now in a monogamous relationship. Or so I thought.”
The pair agreed to share their locations to help them both feel secure.
“We’ve been location sharing during our entire relationship, but now all of a sudden she tells me she feels ‘smothered,’ so she’s been turning her location off periodically when going out.”
“My argument is that because of our rocky past with cheating, we should keep our locations on to be able to feel a sense of security.”
The OP was confident that their expectations were reasonable.
“We had a whole knock-out, drag-out fight about it. At this point, I’m basically prepared to die on this hill.”
“I’m not saying she can’t go out with friends or have alone time, but I’d like to know where she’s at.”
“She sees this as an invasion of privacy, suddenly, when we’ve been location sharing for almost six months now.”
“Am I wrong for not being okay with her wanting to turn off her location when out with her ‘friends’ drinking?
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were left cringing, certain that the relationship was already over.
“Dude, what are you doing with this person? Neither of you can trust the other; your relationship is broken. You mutually came up with something to give each other peace of mind, and now she wants to ditch it. Ask yourself why that is.”
“The point is, though, that if you both need to track each other all the time, you don’t have a trusting relationship. I don’t see any point in wasting any more time with this person.”
“She’s probably cheating again, and all she has to do is leave her phone with her friends that she’s ‘hanging out with’ while she goes off doing whatever she wants to, without her phone. Location tracking only works if she has her phone with her.” – BeachinLife1
“She’s cheating, bro. Those aren’t girls’ nights out…”
“Day after day, I’m reminded that the world is full of so many naive people. All you have to do is ask yourself questions.”
“‘Why would she want to turn off location?’ Because she doesn’t want me to know where she’s going.”
“‘Why doesn’t she want me to know where she’s going?’ Well, she cheated in the past, and there’s a high likelihood she’s cheating again.”
“‘Is there any other reason she’d turn off location? Most women want to feel safe when they’re out…’ No. No, there isn’t. It’s not rocket science.” – Orakil
“Newsflash, buddy. She never chose between you two. When that location gets turned off, she’s not with the girls. She’s with him.” – Fantastic-Action-686
“Sorry, man, but you might think you built that trust back, but it never came back. Especially with something like this. Do yourself a favor and break up with her.”
“The longer you go into this relationship, the more that you will lie to each other and yourselves. You might think you’re head over heels for her, but not trusting your partner all the time is no way to live.” – THE_GREAT_PICKLE
“NTA. From a girl’s perspective, we don’t turn off location when going out. Typically, we want to be safe, in case something happens.”
“She sounds like she’s trying to go somewhere else to ‘hang out’ other than her friends. Without you knowing…” – mari_lovelys
“Listen, OP, she’s already cheated, and neither of you has trust. You share locations to check up on one another versus having access to where the other is in an emergency/safety situation… I get this can be helpful to rebuild trust, but this is too early in a relationship for something like this…”
“She’s using the excuse of feeling smothered to turn location off to cross boundaries and/or cheat. Let’s be real here. She turns it back on and claims this is the reason, but she’s turned it back on… I bet you don’t get to turn location off… She doesn’t want you to know where she is/what she’s doing. You already can’t trust her, and she’s likely cheating again…”
“Save yourself in the long run and call it now. You live and you learn, OP. Call it done, move on, and grow from this. They do say that the best revenge is a life well lived… after all!” – ApricotBig6402
“Both cheated ‘early’ in the relationship. You’re only six months in; it’s still EARLY in the relationship.”
“Six months in; both have cheated, she tried to decide between OP and another guy, and you’re already having big, blowup fights?”
“Just pull the plug, dude, this ain’t it.” – EddieNashton
Others agreed and said that a relationship that depended on location sharing would not last the long haul.
“If you both need to track each other all the time, you don’t have a trusting relationship. I don’t see any point in wasting any more time with your girlfriend or her with you. You clearly aren’t in a commitment sort of place, and you definitely don’t trust each other. A recipe for failure.” – Wonderful_Store_5634
“I presume location sharing was something that occurred as a way to build trust x now she turns it off then back on after going out?”
“While there is no trust between you at all And the location sharing Isnt something you should need to be okay in a relationship.”
“She is absolutely turning it off for a reason; she cannot be trusted, man, just with the context of the back story and what she’s doing now.
Rethink this relationship.” – Spirited_Block250
“My relationship counsellor suggested turning on sharing data all the time because I felt controlled that my wife demanded evidence of where I was going if I went anywhere other than by myself (never any cheating involved, just pure controlling behaviour).”
“I couldn’t believe the therapist’s response to controlling behaviour was telling me to invite more regular controlling behavior. If the relationship ‘needs’ that, it’s over, in my opinion.” – lost_and_hopeless42
“ESH. Should just break up. In a healthy relationship, you shouldn’t need to share your location to trust someone. There is no way to continue to build trust if you don’t trust her to have the location off. A relationship needs trust.”
“That being said, I don’t think you should trust her either. This relationship has really run its course. It’s clear that she is turning location off, despite you having a valid reason for it mere months later.”
“I’d understand more if what she was arguing was that she wanted to prove it by being honest where she would go, but it seems like she is arguing you don’t need to know.” – Equivalent-Ad1173
“He really thinks he won the battle between him and the other guy when way more likely, the other guy ended up ditching her, and she settled for her only remaining option until she could go looking for his replacement on another girl’s night out, and now has to turn location off again. The mere disrespect you had to ‘compete’ with a guy should have made you run in the other direction like he did.”
“You didn’t win anything; you lost your self-respect. You 100% are the fall-back. She doesn’t actually want you. She is keeping you around so she isn’t alone while looking for a guy she wants.”
“She wants privacy because she doesn’t want to feel guilty while she replaces you. She is banging another dude, but he hasn’t made her the girlfriend yet. She will dump you the second the other guy gives her certainty of a relationship. When it ends, she will come running back to her faithful little loser fallback.”
“No person deserves that kind of “love”. Ditch her. Yesterday.” – Beneficial-Rope-7270
“Too many people are okay with invading privacy for the sake of a relationship. If you feel the need to track each other and look through phones, just be done.”
“This ain’t the hill to die on, OP, it’s the hill you launch from.” – SuperPomegranate7933
The subReddit could not help but side-eye the couple that needed shared locations to function.
If neither person can trust the other without knowing exactly where their partner is at all times, it’s probably not worth pursuing the relationship.