Almost everyone has boundaries in life.
Boundaries for personal space and in life are imperative for many.
Without some kind of boundaries, people often find themselves in uncomfortable situations or taken advantage of.
Now, some people with certain sensitivities can have issues accepting or understanding boundaries.
This mix of people together can be very problematic.
Redditor Cat_of_the_woods wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITAH for kicking out my friend’s neurodivergent friend, for what I felt was ignoring boundaries and touching my most personal stuff?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m just super annoyed that I’m made to be the bad guy, but in case I’m missing something, here it is.”
“My friends have a buddy (uses pronouns they/them), they bring along who is on the spectrum and high-functioning.”
“They can drive, live independently, clearly make friends, and hold down a job – so personally, I think they can understand and respect boundaries.”
“They have this annoying and disgusting habit of burping really hard, effortfully, so it is loud.”
“And I have a sensitive nose, and it smells.”
“I don’t care they do that, but when it’s in my literal personal space, less than three feet, that’s an issue.”
“I told them several times not to do that when they are literally facing me and talking to me, facing me, or eating right next to me, with an entire plate of food being passed around.”
“The end of my patience was then met when I had a gathering and they invited them.”
“They (their friend), came in and I was warm to them, then when I went to the bathroom, I came back looking for them to tell them we are eating dinner.”
“Lo and behold, they are playing with my hearing aids.”
“I put in a device to dry them out since it was raining.”
“My friends just speak louder around me when they are off.”
“I literally need those for work and my safety, and other people playing with, let alone wearing them, is unsanitary.”
“I flipped out and told them to put those down, and he burped in my face, laughing, saying they were sorry and tried to hug me.”
“They drop one of my hearing aids on the floor and almost spill their drink on it, the puddle barely touching it as I grab it.”
“These are $3000 each…”
“I told them to let go, and my friends were trying to get me to understand that they had trouble with these social cues.”
“My response was…”
“I’m allowed to decide what I put up with in my personal space and who handles my medical devices.”
“Anybody who can hold down a job, make friends, and live alone should be able to respect boundaries.”
“I don’t care if they’re on the spectrum; that doesn’t mean anything on this.”
“My friends left with them, and I’ve been back and forth with one of them about it.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“I flipped out and told them to put those down, and he burped in my face, laughing, saying they were sorry and tried to hug me. They drop one of my hearing aids on the floor and almost spill their drink on it, the puddle barely touching it as I grab it.”
“I would have kicked everyone out and not speak to any of them again. NTA.” ~ slendermanismydad
“Honestly, that would’ve been my breaking point, too.”
“Touching medical stuff isn’t a quirky mistake; it’s straight-up disrespect.”
“The burp in your face on top of that just sealed it.”
“Your reaction was way more restrained than most people would’ve managed.” ~ falling-leaf645
“This! My son is on the spectrum, and he knows better at 9.”
“He was with me at a doctor’s appointment once, and another patient had a service dog.”
“My son stood with his hands behind his back, asking about the dog and how they helped.”
“He didn’t try to pet it, just stood there respectfully.”
“He was 7 at the time.” ~ Express-Diamond-6185
“Agree. Obviously, some neurodivergent people have a higher need for care, but it doesn’t sound like this is the case from the OP’s post.”
“Some people have been throwing around being neurodivergent as an excuse to flat out ignore boundaries or be unapologetic about/not try to address problematic behavior.”
“Being neurodivergent doesn’t give an individual carte blanche to do whatever they want without consequence.”
“I’m Au[tism]-A[ttention]-D[eficit]/H[yperactivity]-D[isorder] and I do my best to work on myself consistently to avoid crossing those lines.”
“It doesn’t mean I don’t make mistakes, of course, but it does rankle me when I hear stories like OP’s since it gives ammunition to people critical of people dealing with neurodivergence.” ~ Top_Put4848
“Yes, the burping in this case was deliberate to break the tension.”
“Someone allowed this person to be gross as they were growing up to the point it’s a habit.”
“Even if it’s a response to feeling uncomfortable, they should have been taught to cover their mouth and turn away from people.”
“This person chooses to do it right in OP’s face.” ~ Mundane-Currency5088
“This isn’t an autism issue, it’s a no manners issue, plain and simple.”
“Lots of autistic people have the common sense and courtesy not to belch in someone’s face.”
“Recently, a coworker walked past my desk and snapped her fingers in my face, thinking she was having a riot.”
“I told her off, and other people saw what she did and gave the side eye as well.”
“She vehemently defended her behavior, saying it wasn’t rude and did I actually think she was rude for doing that.”
“The gall of some people!” ~ Novel_Fox
“NTA. Being neurodivergent explains why someone might struggle with cues, but it doesn’t make it okay to manhandle $3k medical equipment.” ~ keven02
“NTA: This is not usual neurodivergent behavior.”
“The friends think his antics are hilarious and find it funny to inflict him on others.”
“Dump them all.” ~ Puppiesmommy
“NTA – coming from a high-functioning autistic, even if they can not pick up social cues, you have told them several times your boundaries, yet they still continue to burp in your face.”
“I personally do not understand what thought process they would have to have to pick up medical devices, never mind that they have been in your ears.”
“I wouldn’t even touch a person’s crutches, let alone something so small, sensitive, and expensive.”
“They are the A-hole.”
“They shouldn’t be using their diagnosis as an excuse or shield.”
“If it happens once and you express your dislike and boundaries, it should not happen again. Period.” ~ awesome-ocelot21
“100% NTA.”
“I have an autistic son.”
“I am his legal guardian, and he is unable to live alone.”
“He would NEVER act this way.”
“This is not the behavior of a person on the spectrum.”
“This isn’t a disability.”
“This is a complete @ss who uses his disability to harass the people around them, and you absolutely do not have to tolerate it.”
“If he burps, tell him he is disgusting and walk away.”
“If he touches your stuff, scream at him to drop it.”
“If he wants to act like an animal, treat him like one.”
“Disabled people can also be a**holes just because they are a**holes, they have no excuse, and people tend to allow them to get away with it.”
“Don’t be one of them.” ~ surfinforthrills
“NTA. That was all very intentional.”
“There are a lot of a-holes everywhere.”
“He happens to be one who’s on the spectrum.” ~ Alzaetia
“NTA. This idiot is a serious boundary stepper, and they’re using their autism as a pass to excuse atrocious behavior.”
“Your friends sound like the sanctimonious type who will always deem individuals with labels to be in the right in any given conflict, regardless of the facts.”
“I certainly wouldn’t invite the individual to my place again – you’ve given them more than one chance – and if your other friends want to make a beef out of it, honestly, I would be prepared to move on.”
“You can always make new friends.” ~ sublime_369
“NTA. The other people that you actually invited into your home should not feel free to invite this person along.”
“You also should not feel obligated to host this person when they show up.”
“Don’t let them in.”
“Tell them, and your other friends, that this person simply is not welcome because they do not respect your space or belongings, and you will not be permitting this individual into your home.” ~ No-Assignment5538
“NTA on the hearing aids, but going forward, you might want to be very clear as to who is included in the invite, when you invite people over to your home.” ~ SnooCauliflowers9981
“I’m autistic, and I get the urge to pick stuff up to look at it, sure.”
“But I DON’T unless it’s mine.”
“Holy hell, NTA.” ~ artsyjabberwock
“NTA. Neurodivergent people in particular should understand clear boundaries better than anyone, especially as working adults.”
“This person is just being a jerk.”
“I’m wondering if there is some other context here.”
“It’s making me wonder how old you all are.”
“This sounds like a typical college-aged jerk.” ~ JJbunny55
“NTA – you aren’t obligated to put up with this behavior.”
“You aren’t obligated to welcome people into your home, and you didn’t invite either.” ~ Plumbus-aficianado
Reddit understands your actions, OP.
This is your home, your property, your rules.
Hearing aids are too vital and expensive to play around with.
Nobody was trying to be malicious, but boundaries must be respected.
Hopefully, your friends will understand.
Good Luck.