No matter how long someone might be in our lives, not everyone is meant to stay with us for the long haul and celebrate our wins and grieve our losses with us.
Unfortunately, sometimes, that includes family, pointed out the users of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Thin-Average1299 graduated from high school and decided to make his own way by bussing at a restaurant, so that he could choose the career he wanted.
When his wealthy family repeatedly mocked him for his choices, the Original Poster (OP) began to distance himself from them, including walking out of his sister’s wedding early.
He asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting for leaving my sister’s wedding early after she made a ‘joke’ about my job in her reception speech?”
The OP got his first job after he graduated from high school.
“I (18 Male) just graduated from high school, and I have been working part-time as a busser at a restaurant. It is not a glamorous job, but it’s super chill and honestly, I kind of love it.”
“I’m saving money for school, I get along with my coworkers, and it’s honest work.”
“I guess my family likes to tease me about it sometimes, but whatever.”
The OP’s family was not supportive of his efforts.
“My older sister (25 Female) got married over the weekend. During her reception speech, she did this whole thing, thanking everyone.”
“Then she looked at me and said, ‘And thanks to the OP for leaving the dishes behind to bless us with his presence.'”
“Everyone laughed… but I didn’t. I was mortified; it was so embarrassing, and I could tell everyone was looking at me, especially all of her friends and my whole extended, loud family.”
“I have been insecure enough about not having a ‘real’ job yet compared to my cousins, etc.”
“I tried to brush it off, but my parents kept teasing me about it at dinner. I don’t know, it just felt like the whole wedding was ruined for me.”
“After about 30 minutes, I quietly got up, left, and went home. I did not make a scene or a fuss.”
The family did not respond well to the OP leaving early.
“Now my sister is upset, saying I ‘ruined her wedding by storming off early’ and that it was just a joke.”
“My parents are upset, as well, saying I embarrassed her by being ‘sensitive.'”
“But my friends are saying she was out of line, and I was absolutely in the right to get angry.”
“AIO for walking out?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that he was NOR and disliked the family’s take on service workers.
“A Busser is a vital part of any restaurant/hospitality operation, and there’s no shame in that game. I know bussers who worked hard and made enough money to buy real estate in NYC (outer borough, but still quite an accomplishment).”
“People think hospitality jobs are ‘unskilled,’ but I’d like to see them run a tray stacked with glassware and dishes through a crowded room without dropping/breaking anything. That’s a f**king skill, baby. And it can be a career if you want it to be.”
“It says a lot more about the sister for mocking it, and the family for supporting her, than it does about the OP working hard at it. NOR.” – galbatrosss
“You are absolutely justified in leaving. Your sister’s ‘joke’ crossed a line and singled you out in front of a crowd in a way that was humiliating, especially about something you take pride in.”
“Weddings are supposed to celebrate people, not tear them down. It’s completely reasonable to remove yourself from a situation that made you feel disrespected. Your feelings are valid, and walking out quietly was a mature way to handle it.” – lovelopetir
“NOR. It sounds like the entire family is that way. Who laughs at someone picking up a job to better themselves?”
“I don’t care what you do for a living; you are doing something, and that’s not something to look down at. At 18, it’s normal to be at a starting position.”
“You haven’t even had time to really get into college courses, much less have a career.” – Morgus_TM
“I’m glad your friends are being supportive since your family is being so unsupportive and insensitive. I don’t know what it’s like to come from a family of high achievers, but I imagine the constant pressure would feel like a lot.”
“I was, however, a bartender well into my 20s and felt judged by almost everyone in my life, partners, close friends, and family. But like you, I made good money, had a good time and good friends, and was relatively content for the time being.”
“I didn’t intend to do it forever, and I’m sure you don’t, either. And you won’t if you don’t want to. But if you do? So the f**k what?”
“But don’t let people get to you because their opinions truly don’t matter and are honestly super up their own a**es and condescending. They think they are ‘above’ service workers, which is just a take that I am NOT cool with. I have a ‘fancy’ remote job now, and a lot of the people who talked s**t to me now have nothing to say, but you know what, I enjoyed being a bartender 1000% more and didn’t feel like I had to try and pretend to blend in with the ‘professionals’ every day.”
“All that matters is that you are happy. The fact that your sister even said that about you and makes jokes at others’ expenses says a lot about her, even if your family doesn’t see it that way. That says a lot about them, too.”
“Sometimes these aren’t the nicest realizations to have, but your family might be a bunch of a**holes! Anyway, no, I don’t think you’re overreacting; they’re trying to gaslight you into thinking your feelings aren’t valid, and sorry, but yes, they f**king are.” – secondchoice1992
“You are not overreacting. Your family is another matter. I wouldn’t be surprised if your sister’s wedding was paid for by Daddy’s money, and she sees you beginning to make a way for yourself and wants to tear you down in any way she can.”
“People work jobs for a reason. Pay the bills. Put food on the table. Save for school.”
“My backstory. Worked in a family restaurant when I was in high school. Parents pushed work over education. After a few years, I graduated from high school and took some courses at the junior college.”
“I worked at the restaurant and worked part-time at a bank. It was tough working two jobs, but I did it for a few years. But the time came for a full-time gig at the bank. The family wanted me to stay at the restaurant, which was now owned by my oldest brother and parents.”
“They offered me an hourly pay way below my bank job. Left the family business and was considered the bad son. Never got any support from them.”
“Today, my kids both finished college that my wife and I paid for. Through hard work and saving, we own our home and a few others. My family still says I was the bad son. I cut them out of my life. Who cares, my in-laws and my family think otherwise.”
“I wish you the best as you navigate life. Seems like you have a head on your shoulder that understands right from wrong. Good luck to you as you’re an awesome person!” – oldtimerdcho
Others thought the sister was trying to make a fool out of the OP, but only managed to make a fool out of herself.
“NOR. Absolutely NOR. Why did she include that in her speech anyway?”
“Just to make a fool of you? Bet she didn’t thank anyone else for “‘Leaving their job to be there.’ A busser is a real job; be proud you have a job.” – NoHeccinClue
“In my opinion, she did not make a fool out of you. She made a huge fool out of herself.”
“Be proud of yourself! You are doing a great job in getting on with your life after high school. Sometimes friends are way better for us. We cannot pick our family, but we can choose our friends.”
“You did not ruin the wedding. I am sure your sister had lots of people there. She really hurt your feelings, and if I were your Mom, I would have your back.” – Party_Pop_9450
“Like…what job would you expect someone fresh out of high school to have? It takes time to build a career, figure out what you want, or do vocational training or college. In the meantime, OP is working hard and saving. Nothing wrong with that at all.”
“Weird that she would think to shame OP, especially in her speech. What an odd choice for her to make on her wedding day.” – linerva
“How does someone leaving early, who’s not the bride or groom, affect the mood of the wedding anyway? Some guests leave early!”
“The sister is just an AH that couldn’t use you as a punching bag at an event where you can’t punch back, or then you look like an AH. She probably had pointless jabs planned for you to pepper throughout the entire evening.”
“Definitely NOR.” – Morgus_TM
“How is this one person, who isn’t getting married OR in the wedding party, who isn’t in the close friend group of the bride or groom, who’s a bit player in the grand scheme of the couple’s life, how is their quiet exit a bit earlier than most the end-all be-all of the entire event??”
“I bet no one noticed he was gone until they were packing up to leave and wondered if he needed a ride. Sissy’s just p**sed her favorite punching bag left before she could land a parting jab, a perfect send-off for the happy couple.”
“She didn’t get to s**t on him one last time, and thus, the night is RUINED.”
“Screw her and anyone else saying you ruined anything. SHE ruined the night for YOU, not the other way around. Don’t apologize, you owe her exactly nothing.” – HeyPrettyLadyMaam
After receiving feedback, the OP shared a brief update in the comments.
“Just so you guys know, my family is very, very high income, and my dad wanted to give me an internship at a law firm, but I’m interested in engineering, which is why I turned it down and instead am doing bussing, because I have to pay my own way.”
“The majority of the reason they are upset is because of how prestigious our ‘family name’ is, so they think I’m not living up to it by choosing engineering and being a busser in the meantime.”
“Thanks for all the assurance; I feel marginally better.”
The subReddit thought that it was great that the OP knew what he wanted to do and that he was taking steps to chase that career path, even if his family wasn’t happy about it.
The fact that his sister actually detoured her wedding to pick on her brother, and the fact that the family backed her up instead of her younger brother, said much more about the family than it said about the OP. While he was not afraid of working hard to get what he wanted, it seemed his family was too blinded by their wealth to appreciate it.