Some people have a deep fear of bugs.
It may seem odd to others, but this is a very valid phobia.
This can often lead people to have strange requests of others.
And some requests for help can go a little too far for certain people.
Redditor HilliamWurt wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for not going to my G[irl]F[riend]’s house to kill a cockroach?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m not against killing cockroaches, but she rang me up at 10 pm when I was already showered and in my PJs, and she was crying, saying she had locked herself in her bathroom and couldn’t leave because there was a cockroach in her bedroom.”
“She had told me she is insanely scared and has a cockroach phobia, but I thought what she was asking me was totally unreasonable.”
“So I told her there was no way I would be leaving my house and driving all the way there for something like this.”
“Then I suggested she call her landlord (the guy lives in the building), which is something I think had not even occurred to her until I said so.”
“Anyway, I called her back 10 minutes later, she said the landlord took care of it, but she was acting all cold, and I asked what the matter was, and she said I made it clear she can’t count on me and that I bailed on her when she needed me.”
“So I’m wondering if I could have been an AH for either refusing to go there or for how I expressed my refusal.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Unless you’re next-door neighbors, a cockroach is not a ‘drive across town’ emergency.”
“If she’d called and told you she was mugged and was in the hospital, and you’d said no?”
“Different conversation.” ~ FineIWillBeOnReddit
“Well, the suggestion from OP to call the landlord got the problem solved in 10 minutes, so the symbolic gesture of driving 30 minutes, besides the unnecessary inconvenience, could have led to 20 extra minutes of suffering.”
“That’s all to say that there are other, possibly even more useful ways, of helping someone deal with an issue without jumping to the first solution a panicked person proposes to you.” ~ homtulce
“I mean, objectively, NTA, and she has no real right to be mad at you.”
“But also…. one night of inconvenience could’ve put you at the status of being the best boyfriend ever in her eyes.”
“It’s the little things in relationships that really make a difference.” ~ Odd_Refrigerator18
“Absolutely the same.”
“And if she was locked in the bathroom, she’s clearly got entomophobia, you know?”
“My sister has it, and while I was dating my husband, she had seen a waterbug in her apartment and was breaking down, and my guy came with me to her apt at 2 am.” ~ Ok_Counter3866
“Places with one roach usually have other roaches.”
“Unless he’s willing to drop everything and rush over across time every time one of them decides to make a guest appearance, it’s better to squash this up front.” ~ khannag
“NTA. As a bug-hating woman, I must learn to squash/trap/kill things when the men are away.”
“I’m too squeamish to squash a cucaracha, so I simply trap it under a plastic cup or disposable container with a book on top and save it for my Knight with a shining fly swatter’s arrival to do my dirty work.”
“Tell her to do that.”
“Yes, screaming while trapping is allowed and doesn’t make you less of a woman.” ~ Witch_on_a_moped
“I just bought a house as a single lady, and it had been vacant for a few months before I moved in.”
“Lots of water bugs those first few months – I did a lot of trapping and waiting several days before moving them until I was sure they were dead.”
“Now I trap them in brooms and throw the broom outside for a few days before inspecting and bringing them back in, lol.” ~ HornFanBBB
“NTA. I understand fear of bugs, but calling you and expecting you to come over and deal with it should not be her first option.”
“What did she do before she had a boyfriend?”
“Also, did you break the news to her that no one has just one cockroach?” ~ Donutsmell
“NTA. It’s completely unreasonable to expect you to drive across town to remove a bug that would probably have disappeared by the time you got there.”
“She should learn coping strategies or ask someone nearby (as you pointed out).” ~ Royal_Eye6517
“But she rang me up at 10 pm when I was already showered and in my PJs.”
“NTA. You’re not her personal exterminator or assistant.”
“If she’s old enough to have her own apartment, she’s old enough to contact maintenance or the landlord to take care of the problem.”
“It’s not your responsibility to stop your life in order to make her comfortable.”
“She needs to grow the hell up, face her responsibilities, and seek therapy if she has this bad of a phobia of cockroaches.” ~ BluBeams
“NAH. I know this will make the phobia community mad, but you did exactly the right thing.”
“You set a boundary that you weren’t willing to make a drive to deal with her phobia for her.”
“You didn’t enable the phobia.”
“Now she’s not an a-hole either, hence the NAH ruling.”
“Phobias are real, and this isn’t something that she can just ‘grow up’ and escape.”
“However, continuing to cater to the phobia doesn’t allow her to begin the path to healing.”
“It’s a long, difficult road if she wants to start it, but your healthy boundaries can be her first step.” ~ Twiner101
“NAH here, but you’re probably going to be single soon.”
“A guy I once dated showed up late to my house because he stopped to eat and didn’t offer to get me anything.”
“He had no obligation to do it, but the lack of consideration (both for being late without communicating and getting food without offering) showed me we weren’t compatible because I wanted someone who would do those things without being told.”
“She called you when she felt scared because she wanted you to comfort and ‘save’ her.”
“You didn’t.”
“She may not get over that.” ~ applesauceisevil
“NTA. Even if you lived two houses away, it’s unreasonable to ask you to come take care of something like that after you’re ready for bed (or, frankly, at all; this is not an emergency).”
“Plus, it’s better for the landlord to know about cockroaches because (and I urge you not to talk to her about this fact) there’s never just one.” ~ notastraycat
“Also, OP’s logical suggestion to call the landlord INDEED helped her at the end, so it’s not like the only way to support her through this ‘problem’, even when it comes to phobias that overtake all your reasoning and emotional control, was driving all the way there.”
“So, OP was there for her anyway.”
“It would be one thing if he had stopped at ‘yeah, I’m not going, bye.'”
“There are other ways to help someone in this situation, even by staying on the phone and encouraging them to muster the courage to deal with it themselves.” ~ homtulce
“NTA, but if it makes you feel any better, my mom’s thing is grasshoppers, and one got in her house today.”
“She called me and told me that she’d pay for my plane ticket if I’d come deal with it for her.”
“This lady is on a fixed income, and I’m not flying to another state just to kill a bug for her.”
“My brother is 20 minutes down the road from her.” ~ Remote-Passenger7880
“NTA. I’m also extremely scared of bugs that sometimes end up in my apartment (centipedes)!”
“They strike mortal fear in my heart.”
“But, I take care of them myself because I’m a grown-up.”
“Yes, there is a lot of crying involved.” ~ Smart_Negotiation_31
“NTA. I have anxiety when I encounter cockroaches after living around flying ones, but that doesn’t stop me from sucking it up and killing one should I need to.”
“She should probably get her apartment exterminated.” ~ toiletsnaker
“NTA, but I doubt you’ll be in this relationship long.”
“Not going doesn’t make you an a-hole, but not helping her, wanting to be there for her, or being more compassionate about her fear is a sign to me that you don’t really care about her and don’t feel the need to prioritize her.”
“She wanted to be cared for in that moment.”
“You had an opportunity to come to the rescue, but you cared more about your own convenience.”
“You should both find someone else.” ~ Ok-Conversation9633
“NTA, but at the same time, I’m getting tired of the rhetoric that we can’t momentarily inconvenience ourselves to help others.”
“We’re so accustomed to catering to our own needs that we think it’s absurd to help the people in our lives.” ~ jellyhook
“NTA, but tell her to use a vacuum!”
“They get killed as they get inhaled, and their bodies are safely contained in case they do some zombie stuff.” ~ LeastSubstance4114
Reddit is with you, OP.
Having the phobia is valid and understandable.
But you traveling through the night to kill a bug is extreme.
What has she done in the past?
That couldn’t have been her first roach.
It may be time for some professional help for her and getting rid of the bugs.
Good Luck.