Preparing for the arrival of a baby can be a stressful time.
There is no perfect, 100% way to be fully ready.
Becoming a parent is often a “learn on the job” type of situation.
It is good to be as ready as can be.
But… parents can drive themselves (and their partners) crazy with over-preparation.
Redditor Odd-Willingness-6250 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for testing how prepared my husband is for our baby?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Hello, I am pregnant with my first child, and I tend to go overboard with hypotheticals.”
“I’ve been trying to curb that behavior as we are stressed enough without adding my irrational ‘what ifs’ to the mix.”
“One worry that I have is leaving our baby in the back seat of the car.”
“I may be more anxious about it due to my co-worker’s daughter nearly dying from being left in the car in the summer heat a few years ago.”
“One of the first things I asked my husband was to check the back seat every time he gets out of the car so that we can make a habit of it.”
“He understood why I was asking and agreed immediately.”
“A month ago, we were looking for a mobile we brought home from my mom’s house.”
“We tore the house apart for days looking for it and figured we left it behind by accident.”
“While using my husband’s car, I found the mobile, not hidden or obscured, but right where we left it on the center seat.”
“I brought it up to my husband, who didn’t seem alarmed.”
“He laughed it off as my pregnancy brain.”
“I told him it’s been in the backseat this whole time, and he didn’t notice.”
“He said it was just decor and he didn’t register it as important, even though we were looking for it for days.”
“I reminded him how important it was that he checked the backseat every time he got out of the car, but the gnawing feeling that he’s been neglecting looking in the back sat with me for another week before I decided to test it.”
“I took a bright pink Post-it and wrote a note asking him to text me when he sees it and stuck it on the back seat right in his line of sight.”
“After another week of zero texts or acknowledgments, I asked him if he was really checking the back every day.”
“He promised that he was, so I asked him why he never responded to my note?”
“His reply: ‘What note?'”
“I freaked out.”
“I yelled about how important it was we check the back every time we are in the car, especially since we both have A[ttention]-D[eficit]-H[yperactivity]-D[isorder], and when it’s out of sight, it’s out of mind for us.”
“He said that I was being crazy and irrational, and I was setting up tests for him to fail.”
“This spiraled into a fight, he admitted that he hasn’t been checking the back seat every day as I asked, and the idea of forgetting a baby in the car is ridiculous and could never happen to us.”
“I brought up every summer, there are news reports of babies dying because their parents left them in a hot car.”
“He called those parents irresponsible, said it could never be us.”
“I asked him if he thought my coworker was one of those irresponsible parents.”
“He had no response and asked to table the discussion until we had time to cool off.”
“I agreed, but we have yet to return to it.”
“Since then, anytime we talk about the baby, he’ll ask if I think this is another way he’ll accidentally kill the baby.”
“My husband is not a passive-aggressive person, and I’m realizing how hurt he is by all of this.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“I want to try to explain in a calm way how I feel and how important I find this, but with his behavior lately, I’m starting to wonder if he’s right and if I’m the a**hole?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP WAS the A**hole.
“YTA, I suggest looking into a therapist before the baby comes.”
“It seems like you are having high anxiety, which could develop into a more severe issue postpartum.”
“It is important to remember your baby in the back seat.”
“If you think he or you would have that problem, place your shoes next to the car seat before going somewhere.”
“You won’t forget if you step out of your car with no shoes on.”
“You will remember very quickly.” ~ TriWord22
“I’m not trying to feed OP’s anxieties, but if a man doesn’t normally carry a briefcase or backpack, this probably won’t help.”
“My dad has a backpack he carries around whenever he and my mum need to carry stuff, and he’s constantly leaving it in places because 70% of the time he doesn’t have the backpack, and so when he gets up to leave without it, his body isn’t like ‘Where is my backpack?!'”
“Whereas I carry a backpack like 90% of the time, so if I go out and have a nice purse instead, my body is constantly looking for my backpack.”
“I don’t know if there’s a simple way to help with this, but I do think OP may need to see somebody about her anxiety.”
“Obviously, never leave a baby in a car alone, but this feels like she’s creating trouble where there’s no need for it.” ~ haleorshine
“YTA because you are already pregnant with this man’s baby.”
“If you are so legitimately concerned that he cannot be trusted not to kill your child, you should not have gotten pregnant to begin with.”
“The ONLY recourse is therapy at this point.” ~ holdon_painends
“YTA. You are being irrational and crazy.”
“YES, your coworker IS irresponsible for forgetting her baby, and every time you ask your husband to check the backseat for an imaginary baby, you’re implying that he is also irresponsible.” ~ lovewholly
“Bingo. OP TA.”
“And OP, you should get into talk therapy if you’re not already.”
“It’s deeply unfair to be legit angry at your husband for a hypothetical situation that hasn’t happened.”
“I’d say MOST people would not check their backseat daily for AN IMAGINARY BABY.”
“That is unhinged, and I encourage you to get support for this mentality before the baby arrives because you are setting yourself up for some seriously difficult times post-partum.” ~ Anon_please123
“YTA. Don’t make a test for your spouse.”
“The baby isn’t here; he knows at the moment there isn’t a child in the car, he’s not going to check the back seat.”
“When the baby gets her, he will definitely be aware that there is a child in the car; they are kinda hard to miss.”
“Not to mention how stressed people get over driving with a baby.”
“This is so dumb.”
“The baby isn’t here.”
“Chill out, there is no reason to think he will leave the baby in the car.” ~ SoccerProblem3547
“I want you to honestly imagine how you would feel if your husband created little tests, and called them ‘good mom tests.'”
“Then he scored you each day to see if he thought your behavior was good enough for him to put you in the ‘will be a good mom’ category that day.”
“I’d imagine that every woman I’ve ever met would be furious about that.”
“Why is it okay for you to test him, and especially on something he’s never even given you any indication would specifically be an issue?”
“It’s both of your first times.”
“You’re both going to have lots to figure out, and neither of you is in any position to test the other.”
“The important thing is that you’re both there and both ready to put in the effort.”
“It’s hard enough as it is, so please try to take it easy on each other.”
“Also, as a side note, checking the back seat doesn’t always mean opening the door.”
“You can just turn your neck and look back before you get out.”
“That would be enough to see any babies, but you’d still miss your note. YTA.” ~ Jacked-to-the-wits
“YTA – sorry, but you are going way overboard right now!”
“You are the one causing the issues here.”
“There is no reason right now to check your back seat… You are acting like only your feelings are valid with a baby on the way.”
“Also, I have A[ttention]-D[efecit]-H[yperactivity]-D[isorder], guess both my kids have never been left in the car, because even when they were babies, I would interact with them while I was driving, just talking to them.” ~ Lunar-Eclipse0204
“YTA – your level of anxiety is not normal, and what you are feeling will be passed to your baby.”
“I was so stressed and anxious during my pregnancy that it caused complications.”
“Your current focus needs to be keeping you and the baby healthy.”
“Also, you didn’t notice the mobile either.”
“Y’all need to work as a team.”
“Also, most parents who leave their kids in the car are irresponsible.”
“If that’s you or your spouse, you’re not going to fix that with some weird test… which is what this is.” ~ cinnamon_is_life
“YTA for creating tests for your husband.”
“That is immature at best.”
“You need to get some serious intensive therapy for the overblown anxiety issues before your child is born, or not only are you probably going to end your marriage, you are likely to become the kind of helicopter parent who massively smothers and traumatizes her child.” ~ No-Assignment5538
“YTA for creating tests for your husband.” ~ Unicorns-Poo-Rainbow
Well, OP, Reddit is not thrilled with your actions.
Of course, you’re nervous; that is normal.
And wanting to be as ready as possible is a great idea.
But you may want to be easy on yourself and your husband.
Remember… you’ll learn as you go, no matter what.
Good Luck and Congratulations!