When we have a special moment to celebrate, it’s fair that we’d want our loved ones to share the occasion with us.
It’s hurtful to think that they’d need to distract themselves or turn the moment into a game just to get through it, cringed the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor SalamanderBig6201 recently married their wife after six years of dating and had a wonderful time at the wedding among family and friends.
But when they later found out that their family had been playing a practical joke throughout the wedding speeches, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt by their ingenuity.
They asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting for being angry that my family played a game of ‘Slip It In’ while giving their speeches at my wedding?”
The OP was excited to finally marry their wife.
“I finally tied the knot with my now-wife, once-girlfriend of six years. (I love being able to call her my wife!)”
“This was about two weeks ago now, and it was a big, beautiful wedding, aside from this one detail.”
“We hadn’t planned on having a whole bunch of people give speeches, but when we were taking pictures after the ceremony and before the reception, my brother and sister (both younger) came up to my wife and me, and asked if they would be allowed to give speeches.”
“Of course, we said yes, and at the time, we were both touched that they wanted so badly to say something nice about us. In retrospect, that was dumb of us.”
The OP became suspicious of their siblings’ plans when the speeches came.
“The time for speeches came, and my wife’s Maid of Honor, her best friend since childhood, and my Best Man, my best friend and business partner, both gave beautiful speeches, tying in inside jokes and making everyone laugh and cry. Even my FIL was crying, which I had previously thought impossible.”
“Then it was my dad’s turn. My father, the man who raised me and protected me and taught me right from wrong.”
“It started out good, and he even seemed a little teary-eyed. But then I noticed he had a little notecard or piece of paper with him, which at the time I thought was endearing, since I figured it meant he took the time to write down his thoughts and perfect his speech.”
“But then, as he was talking about my upbringing and what it was like to raise his first child, he cracked some weird joke. He said something about my suit not fitting right, and asked me, ‘Did your mom buy you that?'”
“There was some confused laughter, and he seemed to kinda chuckle to himself.”
“His speech got back on track pretty quickly, and he briefly talked about sending me off to college, and how sad it was to see me go, before randomly interrupting himself again and saying that ‘my roommate’s grandfather was the inventor of Skittles.'”
“Again, there was confused laughter, and at this point, I noticed my siblings snickering a little at the table with the rest of my immediate family.”
“He finished his speech, making another strange comment at some point that I have trouble recalling. I chalked it up to him being emotional and handling it with weird dad jokes or something.”
Then the OP realized what the wedding speeches actually were.
“Then my brother went up, and he started off trying to hype the guests up, acting like a ‘cool guy,’ saying he wanted to give an anecdote from our childhood. He started to tell a story he always likes to tell, about how he and I used to sneak out to the backyard at night and act like ninjas, until one night our dad caught us and scared us to death.”
“But he jokingly referred to our tree fort as a ‘luxury porta-potty,’ called my dad a ‘Sasquatch,’ and said we thought we would be ‘killed with a k, as in knife.'”
“At this point, I started to realize what was going on. Even my wife was giving me glances. But because of his hyper energy and storytelling, he managed to get away with his jokes far better than my dad.”
“My sister went up after him, but at this point, I was feeling such rage and disbelief that I wasn’t paying much attention. All I know is she started her speech by asking if anyone was recording, which was some b**lshit, since she literally helped set up the tripod.”
“The rest of the wedding was beautiful, albeit tense, because I was stewing at my family.”
“When my wife and I got home, she half-jokingly asked me what the h**l was up with those speeches.”
As it turned out, the OP’s family was playing a game, not giving real wedding speeches.
“For those not in the know, ‘Slip It In’ is a verbal game where you are given cards with odd phrases on them that you then have to sneak into conversation without being noticed. The first person to successfully slip in all their phrases without being caught is the winner.”
“This game also happens to be my family’s OBSESSION. Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays, regular family dinners, it doesn’t matter; they will try to play it anywhere.”
“But at my wedding?”
“I explained this to my wife, and double-checked the game, and ‘I hear his grandfather invented Skittles,’ ‘Sasquatch,’ ‘I hope someone’s recording this,’ are all example phrases pulled directly from the original game.”
“The next morning, I messaged my brother, as he’s always been real with me, and asked, ‘Was that a game of ‘Slip It In’ last night?'”
“He responded, ‘Ya, LOL, didn’t think you noticed. You didn’t say anything about it last night.'”
“I just said, ‘Oh okay, LOL,’ because I just didn’t even know what to say.”
The OP was hurt that their family couldn’t just enjoy the wedding.
“They viewed my wedding as some boring event they had to liven up by playing their game, and they didn’t even offer any genuine speeches. They used that time as a playground for themselves.”
“It’s now been about two weeks since, and I haven’t said anything to my family.”
“My mom keeps inviting us over for dinner, and my brother, sister, and dad seem to have figured out why I’m mad, and keep texting, asking ‘if I’m really all that upset about their speeches.'”
“I just want to spend this time with my wife and not think about this.”
“Am I overreacting by giving them the cold shoulder, and ignoring their texts and calls, because they played a stupid card game instead of giving genuine speeches at my wedding?”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that they didn’t have to make amends for this.
“Wait, does that think you should make amends or they should? They are the ones who should make amends for trying to turn your reception into a game.” – Spinnerofyarn
“Do not make amends. It’s up to them to sincerely apologise for basically turning your reception into a game.”
“It was seriously rude and completely inappropriate. They obviously cared more about their own fun than your big day. I would not bother getting in contact, and when they do, let rip at them. If they don’t see what the issue is, tell them to f**k off.” – SeaCurrent2933
“Just tell them you’re hurt that they prioritized a game over genuinely celebrating your joy, and disengage. Either by going low contact (e.g., you can still attend dinners with your mom and not talk to them) or by doing the Bridgerton queen thing of, ‘Congratulations, joy joy, celebration,’ as the only speech or card you care to write.” – stormtomcat
“Does your wife find this funny? I don’t think I would have at MY FREAKING WEDDING. Remember her? It was HER wedding too. They didn’t bother to think about how she feels, how she enjoys seeing your family make a game out of her WEDDING on the videos.”
“Usually, I have a broad sense of humor, but making a game out of wedding speeches is tacky unless everyone is on the same page. Badly done by your family.” – Basic-Organization30
“Congrats on successfully putting a ring on it! It’s really kind and telling that you want to be a good sport about this, but I get the feeling being guilted into ‘having a sense of humor’ is a cycle for you.”
“The bit about getting emotional seeing your father’s note cards and thinking how much time he had put into this, only to get the rug pulled out that he had the cards for the game, is devastating, and your reaction was so valid.”
“You do not obviously have to find a way to make amends. Why would you be responsible for making amends? Is it that hard to take one thing semi-seriously? They couldn’t focus on you and your wife for a few hours out of one day?”
“Your wife, who I will remind you, did not sign up to have what is also her wedding hijacked by your selfish family, has to see that now every time she watches the video. Since you didn’t say much beyond her visible confusion, I’m going to have faith you married someone who is as good-natured as you and hope she’s enjoying the hell out of wedded bliss.”
“My family is all jokes, and we aren’t serious even when we are trying to be serious. But this would not fly; that’s crazy disrespectful. It’s fairly clear your wedding was just another family dinner they couldn’t get through without the buffer of an improv game. I’d be going to my in-laws for Thanksgiving and let them figure it out, but that’s me. I wish you the best of luck.” – sunshine_fuu
Others urged the OP to at least communicate how upsetting this was, though.
“Well, the first step is to tell them that yes, you really are upset about it. Otherwise, you might have to wait a long time for an apology, because going from what you wrote, it sounds like they don’t yet realize how much it bothered you.” – Cmd3055
“If you’re upset about it, don’t just wait for them to figure out how upset. They noticed you’re upset, that’s a good first step. But if you never communicate how upset, or what’s needed for amends, it might never resolve itself.”
“It’s not your fault this situation happened, but it’s partially yours if it keeps going. Of course, this is only up to a reasonable extent. If you already communicated how upset you were and there’s no effort on their side to apologize or make amends, then it’s on them.” – MoreCoffee331
“For what it’s worth, I think you should let yourself be mad and upset; you have every right.”
“But at some point you need to sit them down and explain, ‘Guys, I’ve been really hurt. This day meant a lot to me. It very well might be the single most important day of my life to me, and when I heard those speeches, it just made me feel…’ or something like that.”
“Coming from someone who has to have these types of talks with my family a TON, the apologies come faster when you sit them down and explain why and how you are hurt. When I explain my feelings, and try not to be accusatory or blame but rather just talk about what I’m feeling, they’ve been understanding and changed their behavior. Slowly fixing my relationships with all of them, but it takes time.” – PatchTheLurker
“Honestly, I would be upset, too. It’s not about the fact that no one noticed; it’s about the fact that, instead of focusing on your big day, they turned it into a game.”
“If they wanted to do that, they could have during the wedding reception rather than speeches. Instead of personal loving speeches, they focused on how to make it a competition. I wouldn’t say cut them off or anything, but you’re completely valid in being hurt.”
“You know them more than us. If you think they’ll listen to how it hurt your feelings, tell them. But you’re completely valid in being like wtf bro.” – CutieLai77
This family might generally be all fun and games, but there has to be a limit to the fun, so that some things can be taken seriously, like the union of two people who have already been in love for a long time and are finally taking the next step.
If the family wanted to play this game, they should have involved the OP and their wife in the plans, or they could have done it at a more tasteful time, like in conversations with people they’ll likely never meet again from the wedding reception.