Family vacations can be highly stressful.
Sometimes people need a vacation from a family vacation.
Who makes the guest list for the trip can cause a lot of issues.
Redditor familytripnoexthrow wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for not wanting to take my wife’s ex’s kids on a family vacation?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Apologies in advance for the mess that this all is.”
“My wife (43 F[emale]) and I (45 M[ale]) have been married for 8 years and have 2 kids (8 and 6).”
“My wife also has a 10-year-old daughter with her ex.”
“My wife and her ex were never married, but her ex also has 2 kids (12 and 13) that my wife was basically a stepmom to.”
“We live in a smallish town (9-10 thousand population), so all the kids go to the same school district and see each other regularly.”
“My wife obviously is still in contact with her ex regarding their daughter, and we routinely get all the kids together, including exs, for birthdays and stuff like that.”
“My wife and I have been wanting to take a family vacation for a couple of years now, but have waited until our youngest is a bit older.”
‘This would be our first family vacation.”
“We decided to start planning something for spring break 2026 since all the kids have time off from school, and our youngest will be 7 by then.”
“We decided to take the kids to Disneyland (the California one).”
“We booked everything a little over a month ago.”
“Of course, my wife talked with her ex about taking their daughter.”
“So, the plan was my wife and I taking our 2 kids and my wife’s daughter.”
“Sometime between now and then, ex’s kids and my wife’s daughter got into an argument while daughter was at ex’s house, and my wife’s daughter used the ‘Yeah, well I’m going to Disneyland and you’re not’ line.”
‘That opened up a whole can of worms, and now ex’s 2 older kids are jealous and making life difficult for daughter every time she spends time at ex’s house.”
“My wife and her ex have been talking about this, and somehow they came up with the idea that ex’s 2 older kids could come with us on our trip in order to smooth things over.”
“My wife told me about the idea a couple of days ago.”
“Here’s her rundown: Ex would pay for all expenses for the older kids.”
‘Flights, extra hotel room, tickets to the park, spending money, etc.”
“But he wouldn’t be coming with.”
“So, instead of our first family vacation, we are supposed to bring 2 additional kids that neither of us is biologically related to.”
“I immediately shot that idea down.”
“It’s not that I have anything against ex’s kids, they’re fine.”
“But this idea changes the trip completely and, for me at least, turns it from a family vacation to a borderline nightmare I want nothing to do with.”
“My wife got upset with me because ‘I didn’t hear her out.'”
“But to me, there’s no amount of planning or attention to details that is going to make adding 2 additional kids to this trip worth it.”
“I know my wife is still close to ex’s kids, she basically raised them while they were together.”
“Wife and ex haven’t told the older kids about the idea yet (thank God), but she’s still trying to convince me that this is a good idea and everything will work out.”
“I don’t want to, but I’m thinking of just cancelling the whole thing unless she agrees to keep our original family plan.”
“But I know if I do that, then I will be the bad guy to everyone involved.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Personally, I would be telling the daughter if she rubs her good fortune into other people’s faces and then gets upset that they are mean to her that the consequences of her actions are what she is experiencing.”
“In addition, if she is going to be a mean child, she will lose the right to go on the holiday and will stay with her dad.” ~ Exotic-Rooster4427
“This, after all, if she had not been bragging about it, they would not be in this predicament.”
“A bit cringey.”
“Is the daughter facing any consequences from this unfortunate, irreversible communication? NTA.” ~ SnooCauliflowers9874
“NTA. Her ex should go on his own vacation with his kids.”
“Otherwise, you are babysitters.” ~ Ordinary-Audience363
“NTA. If the ex’s kids are 12/13 years old, and you have been with your wife for 8 years, then how is it possible that she was ‘basically’ a step-mother to those kids and raised them?”
“They were together for a very short period of time when the kids were toddlers.”
“I think unnecessarily you guys blended the family more than it needs to and gave more concessions to the ex that he is demanding that you take his bio kids, whom you and your wife have no relation to, on a trip to Disneyland.”
“Also, the older kids will ruin the trip.”
“They won’t have many rides or interests in common with the younger ones.”
“Your wife needs to cut the cord with her ex, except for parenting their one child together.” ~ LifeAsksAITA
“NTA. Especially since you mention the two older kids are being mean to your wife’s daughter – why on earth should that behaviour be rewarded with a Disneyland trip?”
“Regardless of whose kids they are, that’s just bad parenting logic.”
“I don’t think you should be expected to take your wife’s former stepkids along, anyway.”
“Some things should belong to your side of the family only.”
“But even putting that aside, these kids shouldn’t be taught that being awful to their younger sister results in a ‘win’ over her.”
“Your wife should be prioritizing her daughter’s well-being here, not being overly concerned with turmoil in her ex’s home (which is his responsibility to manage) or her old sense of responsibility for his other kids.”
“She also really should never have discussed any of this with her ex without asking you first.”
“They may still feel like family to her – but the immediate family you’re building together should always come first.” ~ MustardClementine
“Exactly. OP’s wife’s ex is essentially trying to make the problems occurring in his home OP’s responsibility.”
“You don’t reward bullying behavior with Disney trips.”
“And OP’s stepdaughter shouldn’t be rubbing it in her siblings’ faces.”
“These are the issues that pop up having all these different blended families and households.”
“But ultimately, this particular issue is not OP’s to handle or fix; the ex needs to get his household in order.”
“NTA. Like at all.” ~ NonaOrganic
“Disclaimer: I do not come from a blended family like the one you have.”
“So I’ve never dealt with anything similar.”
“I would say NAH.”
“Being asked to be responsible for someone else’s kids for a vacation is a big ask.”
“I don’t know how close ya’ll are with the other family.”
“I don’t know how involved your wife is.”
“Her stance makes sense if she’s very involved in her ex’s kids’ lives as a guardian figure.”
“But I don’t really think it’s your responsibility.”
“I think it’s something that, whether you say yes or no, is understandable.” ~ OrdinaryMajestic4686
“It seems like they all get together for important dates and events, but that’s it.”
“I can imagine going from that to taking care of the kids for multiple days, away from home, and without the parent near, would be a lot different.”
“And a whole new responsibility that would put unnecessary stress on what is supposed to be the first family holiday.”
“NTA, OP.”
“If you had the kids over as a shared custody agreement, I could understand bringing them, but as it is, they aren’t super close with your family, and are only coming to solve an argument.” ~ azaharinflames
“NTA. I’d be worried more about the liability of taking two children for whom neither you nor your wife is the parent or legal guardian.”
“Former familial bonds are a social construct, but not a legal one.”
“Plus, two extra kids are another hotel room, an extra-large rental vehicle, and too few adults to keep a hand on everyone.”
“It changes a family outing into a Girl/Boy Scout troop. Just no.”
“At the park, the age disparities among the kids will be a problem and will ensure that nobody gets to do what they want to do, because the wife will try to maintain the median with too many outliers.” ~ CrankyWife
“NTA. Why doesn’t he just take the kids on their own vacation?”
“A trip going from 3 kids to five kids sounds awful.”
“Plus, they are older and will want to do different things.”
“Logistically, it would be harder to navigate.”
“As far as the kids settling out their beef, let them figure it out.”
“They’re siblings.”
“Who knows what they said to her or what the fight was even about?” ~ FLYY_GIRL
“This is a hard one.”
“I suspect you could all do better, but NTA simply because your wife was originally planning not to include them, so she didn’t see their relationship that way, it’s just backtracking because she feels guilty/wants them to stop giving her daughter a hard time.” ~ IntroductionIcy2147
“NTA, tell your wife that if she insists on taking ex’s kids, you will not go at all.”
“She will be responsible for all 5 kids on her own, or you will take just your kids alone.”
“She can decide which she wants, but those are the only choices she gets.” ~ Life-Wealth-3399
Reddit is with you, OP.
You want family time with your family.
It’s a difficult situation.
Kids won’t understand until they’re older.
This may need a mediator, like a therapist.
Just a thought.
Good Luck.