We’d all be less than honest if we didn’t admit that nearly all of our relationships didn’t begin because we were physically attracted to someone.
Indeed, physical attraction is a highly important factor in any relationship.
That being said, no relationship can be based solely on physical appearance, as the old saying “true beauty comes from within” is the absolute truth.
Redditor ThrowRAnotgoth recently decided to give herself a makeover, making a significant change. to her physical appearance.
While the original poster (OP) felt much better about her new look, her boyfriend was not a fan of it.
Indeed, he disliked the OP’s change in appearance so much that he even threatened to end their relationship over it.
Surprised by her boyfriend’s declaration, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITAH for not being goth?”
The OP explained why her new look unexpectedly threatened her relationship:
“I (19 F[emale]) have been dating my boyfriend (20 M[ale]) for a year and a half, when we met I was goth (white foundation, bats nests hair, black lipstick, huge platform boots, the whole 9 yards) and he really liked that.”
“I started beauty school some months ago and started discovering what worked for me in terms of style. I’m still fairly alternative (not just in style but also in my way of thinking), but I have grown out my bangs to make them more feathery.”
“Started doing more colorful and youthful makeup, etc.”
“It makes me feel so much prettier, and most people agree I look happier.”
“The thing is, my boyfriend is PISSED, and we have been having almost daily arguments about it, he says I don’t look like the person he fell in love with anymore, even if I act the same.”
“It makes me really sad, what pushed me to write this was that he gave me ultimatum, either i go back to my old style or he breaks up with me.”
“Would i be TA if i didn’t go back to my old style?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to go back to goth.
Everyone agreed that not only should the OP stay firm and not revert to her goth look, but if her boyfriend was laying down superficial ultimatums like this one, then this relationship was not worth staying in:
“NTA.”
“Sounds like your BF has a goth fetish.”
“If he’ll only ‘love’ you if you look/dress a certain way, he’s never loved you at all.”
“Dump him.”- Sorry-Analysis8628
“You’re too young to stay in this relationship.”
“NTA.”
“Go explore your style without the controlling bf.”- Bex1218
“NTA.”
“Dump his controlling a**.”
“People evolve, he doesn’t want you too.”
“You deserve someone who will let you flourish without putting you in a box.”- Mowgliinflares
“NTA and run and don’t look back.”
“He fell in ‘love’ with some persona or idea of you, not YOU.”
“His love is clearly conditional, and he just sees you as some sort of doll or accessory to cherish and show off, but only when you fit his likes.”
“If you guys don’t break up, you’ll only be delaying the inevitable, unfortunately.”- FewBad2339
“I’m going to tell you this as a lifelong punk.”
“Fashion is there to make you feel good about yourself when you look in the mirror, and if you desire, to use as a way to express your personality in the form of your outward appearance.”
“It does not have to be used to express your personality if you don’t want it to be, but it can be.”
“That is all fashion is.”
“That is all style is, it is all that your personal preference for makeup, clothing, etc.”
“Continuing to dress this way into adulthood works fine for some people.”
“I still generally rock a colorful mohawk, even though I am more than twice your age, and that works for me personally. I would never expect or ask anyone else to do the same.”
“If you no longer feel a need to dress in a goth fashion, if you feel that no longer represents who you are, then don’t.”
“Also, don’t stay with a guy who tells you how to dress.”
“You’re just setting yourself up for a life of misery that way.”
“So put the goth stuff in the closet, and put the boyfriend out the door.”
“You’ll be happier for both.”
“And there’s nothing to say that every once in a while, when you’re feeling some kinda Siouxie, that you can’t pull it out once in a while.”
“I still know plenty of goths and punks, and most of us still don’t dress like this every day anymore.”
“My Mohawk is pretty much the only thing that really gives me away now, and even then, half the time I’m wearing a flat cap, and almost never put my Mohawk up unless I’m going out to a show or a club.”
“Sure, I wear a lot of band t-shirts and jeans, but whatever.”
“The battle jacket doesn’t come out unless I’m going to a concert, though, the old makeup and fishnets maybe, maybe come out once every year or two when we head out to a special event, like a club anniversary.”
“Do what you want, look how you want, be happy.”
“NTA.”
“And seriously ditch the clown.”
“That kind of dude is just going to be a drag on your life.”- PinkThunder138
“NTA.”
“He has a goth fetish, and you no longer meet that.”
“He is absolutely failing as a significant other as he is shaming you for finding yourself.”
“You need to seriously decide if you want to continue with him or if he is wasting your time.”-WobbleTodd
“NTA.”
“GTFO ASAP.”- Over-Box1733
“NTA.”
“It’s your body and you can style it however you want.”- quokka_stay
“ABSOLUTELY NTA.”
“Listen.”
“As you get older, you grow as a person and develop your own personal style.”
“You do yo,u girl!”
“Don’t ever let some man tell you you need to be any certain way.”
“Either he loves you for you, or he loves you for your bangs.”
“You don’t need someone telling you what to wear and how to act.”
“That’s bullsh*t.”- Horror_Queso
“NTA.”
“I think you’d be the AH if you let a boy dictate what makes you feel pretty.”- pleasemakeitstop10
“When you agree to break it off, he’ll try to backtrack, and the cycle will start again.”
“NTA.”- PJ1883
“NTA.”
“Get out of this relationship ASAP.”
“He’s a control freak who never really cared about you.”
“You just fit his goth fetish.”
“Control freaks rarely change.”
“They just become worse as they age.”
“Soon, he’ll develop another fetish and will either find someone else who fits his obsession or try to force you to change your look.”
“Adjust your clothing and makeup to suit your own taste.”
“You’re too young to tie yourself to a rabid control freak.”- Clean-Fisherman-4601
“NTA.”
“Basically, he is pissed you are no longer his walking fetish doll.”
“If someone is in love with you, they love who you are as a person whether you wear white and black makeup or colors.”
“He should be happy you are happy.”
“He isn’t worth your time or energy.”- theanamazonian
“One of my biggest pet peeves is when a girl says ‘oh I’d love to try that (hair color/makeup/style exc) but my husband/boyfriend would never go for it.”
“No, nope.”
“Your appearance and style are exactly that: YOURS.”
“You are not an accessory or an aesthetic.”
“You are a person.”
“If he wants a perfectly customizable girlfriend, let him find a chatbot and a matching blowup doll.”
“If he’s only with you because he likes you in a specific style, then he doesn’t like you, he likes that.”
“NTA.”
“Let the trash take itself out.”
“You are better than this man and a hell of a lot more than he deserves.”- acegirl1985
“A partner that doesn’t let you grow has got to go.”
“NTA.”- eLllllDiablo
“NTA.”
“NO ONE GETS TO POLICE YOUR STYLE!”- Kindly-Ad6337
“NTA at all.”
“You live your life for yourself gurl.”
“Others will join you along the way.”
“Never fear.”
“Honestly your story is like Greece 2 the movie, where she goes from pink lady gang to beauty school ‘drop out’ but she’s got pink hair and totally had a glow up.”- ReplicatoReplica
With this new appearance, the OP very well might no longer look like the woman the OP “fell in love with”.
That being said, if the OP’s boyfriend is short-sighted enough not to see that she is still the exact same person, sans the gothy appearance, then it is probably wise for the OP to follow the advice of the Reddit community and leave this relationship.
Out there, somewhere, is someone who can and will love her for who she truly is.