A person’s choice of clothing can be a very personal decision.
Clothing can often be how one expresses themselves.
Clothing is meant to make someone feel confident and sometimes sexy.
Not everybody is on board with the sexy choices.
Commenting or trying to restrict one’s personal style can lead to very heated debates.
Redditor Qialen to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for being mad that my mom went through my laundry and commented on my underwear?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I am 18 and usually do my own laundry, but last week my mom said she was helping out and washed a load of my clothes while I was at school.”
“When I got home, she sat me down and started commenting on my underwear.”
“It does include things like lace bras, thongs, and a couple of g-strings.”
“She told me some of it was too mature, not appropriate, too sexual, and asked who I was trying to impress.”
“I was shocked and honestly really didn’t know what to say.”
“I never asked her to go through my clothes, and I definitely didn’t expect my underwear to become a topic of discussion.”
“I told her that my underwear is private and that it made me uncomfortable that she went through it and judged me for it.”
“She got defensive and said that as my mother, she has a right to be concerned, especially since I live under her roof, even though I do have a part-time job together with my school and pay my for all my things.”
“Also, all my friends and other girls buy their own lingerie too, and their parents never complain, even at a much younger age.”
“She also said I was being disrespectful and overreacting.”
“The argument escalated when I said it felt like a violation of my privacy.”
“She replied that if I don’t want comments, I shouldn’t own that kind of underwear in the first place.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“18 and living under your parents’ roof means you’ve only just begun your journey of independence.”
“Although you can do whatever you like, your mother will always be your harshest critic.”
“It’s best to sit her down and, without getting defensive, explain it’s only clothes.”
“NAH, but I think your mother is trying to avoid becoming a grandparent too soon.” ~ Signal-Blackberry356
“100%, OP wants the perks of being a child and the privacy/perks of being an adult.”
“Frankly, I think living at home and being still in high school is reason enough for mom to be concerned about her daughter’s choices.”
“I don’t think OP is an AH, but I definitely don’t think the mom is an AH.” ~ Ok_Ant_9815
“Yeah, I actually kind of agree with NAH.”
“OP seems to still be in high school, and if she’s not paying rent, then unfortunately her mom does get some say in what happens under her roof.”
“She’s allowed to buy whatever underwear she wants, but her mom is allowed to comment on it, too.” ~ SaltySweetMomof2
“NTA. Firstly, thongs can be purchased so that lines do not have lines showing on clothing.”
“And honestly, when I buy sexy stuff it’s because I think it’s pretty… not because someone else will see it LOL so that’s a huge assumption on her part.” ~ princessnessaxo
“NTA. She sounds like my mother.”
“Even when I was in my 50’s!!!”
“And staying at my parents’ house for a while, she commented on my underwear air-drying on a rack.”
“‘Why do you have PADDED bras?’ Mothers like that don’t ever change.” ~ No_Difficulty_9365
“NTA. You’re 18 and buying your own clothes with your own money, what you wear under your clothes is literally none of her business.”
“She volunteered to do your laundry and then used it as an excuse to police your body, which is weird and controlling regardless of the ‘my house’ argument.” ~ Mrwoman
“NTA. I’ve never understood people who act like underwear in itself can somehow be provocative.”
“Like, if you’re clothed, what is affected or different by you wearing a thong?”
“And if you’re in a position where someone is getting to see said underwear, they’re probably getting to see everything anyway lol.”
“Regardless, your mother sure isn’t affected by your clothing choices.” ~ Flat-Replacement4828
“NTA. What she did was remarkably inappropriate; your underwear choices are none of her business.”
“I suppose you should handle your own laundry from now on.” ~ Casual_Lore
“NTA, she’s being creepy, the underwear you choose as an adult has 0 to do with your mother and what she thinks.”
“She doesn’t get to comment just because she took it upon herself to rifle through your laundry like a weirdo, and her being your mother certainly doesn’t change that.” ~ Fiigwort
“NTA. Ask your mom if she would rather you without about underwear since she doesn’t like what you’re wearing now.”
“I do not wear any, and neither does my 20-year-old.”
“I literally had to buy my SIXTEEN-year-old a thong to go under her dance line ‘uniform’ because everything else showed and it wasn’t allowed.”
“There is nothing wrong with what YOU decide to wear under your clothes, and she had absolutely NO business commenting on it.”
“Strangely, she took such an interest in your underwear, actually.” ~ VexedVixen69
“NTA, my grandma used to buy me lacy underwear because I struggled with body image issues.”
“She thought it’d make me feel prettier.”
“Weird how someone born in 1940 could comprehend this, but your mom can’t.” ~ Psychological_Lime14
“God, she sounds like how my mother was.”
“Other than advising you that cotton gussets are better for your health, she has no business telling you what underwear to wear.”
“If you’re old enough to buy your own, you’re old enough to wear it.”
“NTA, but don’t expect her to change.” ~ NonSequitorSquirrel
“NTA; your mom sounds like she’s someone who believes that what a person wears invites someone else to do nonconsensual activities.”
“Explain to her that you should have as much freedom to discover what clothes or lingerie you like/dislike as you do with food/music/etc… whether or not you’re trying to impress someone shouldn’t be a part of the argument.”
“While it wasn’t completely unfair of her to ask (if you were trying to impress someone), she also should’ve listened to your side and at least attempted to understand where you’re coming from.” ~ No_Waltz_7706
“NTA, your private clothing should be private.’
“If she were concerned about your sexual activity, she could have that conversation with you (though from this, I doubt it would be much different), but commenting on your underwear is weird and gross.”
“Ask her why she is looking at YOUR underwear as sexual.” ~ tatertot01998
“NTA. When I lived at home, my mom would get annoyed for the opposite reason—I prefer men’s briefs just because they’re much more comfortable, and she always wishes I wore more feminine clothing in general.”
“So when I was doing my laundry, she was always like ‘what the F**K is this?’”
“It’d be really funny if you hid your current underwear and replaced them with something outlandishly masculine or conservative just to see what she has to say.” ~ pretzelthursday
“NTA. You are growing up, and she can’t take it.”
“She went snooping and found nothing but underwear…”
“There is nothing you can do but keep your head up and go about your business.” ~ mecegirl
“NTA. I’d have a big pair of granny panties pulled up to my rib cage coming out of my jeans every day to make a point.”
“Maybe bring all your underwear to the dinner table and ask your dad to go through it, since you live under his roof and he needs a say too.” ~ Gloomy-Debate277
“NTA. I have 2 daughters.”
“When they started buying their own clothes, including underwear, in their late teens, it was none of my business what kind of underwear they preferred, if any.”
“Your mother definitely crossed a line by snooping.”
“Because that’s what it was… snooping!”
“She can call it what she wants.”
“You’re an adult, and she has no right to dictate what kind of underwear you wear.”
“She should think herself lucky that you actually wear underwear.”
“She’s trying to control you.”
“Good for you on setting a boundary.”
“Sounds like this will be the first of many.” ~ idisturballthesh*t
“NTA, my mother made sure to impress upon me from quite a young age that I should wear things I feel comfortable, confident, and gorgeous in, including underwear.”
“It should never be based on what other people think of you, only what you think of yourself, and if you like your underwear, she has no business saying you shouldn’t own or wear it.” ~ bindobud
“NTA. I have kids around your age.”
“I offer to do their laundry, but I don’t do it automatically.”
“My son always declines.”
“That’s his right, and I don’t even need to know why.”
“Facing your own children’s sexuality is difficult, and she may just be worried and feeling protective.”
“You are still NTA.” ~ dagwitch
Reddit is with you, OP.
This is a personal choice for YOUR body.
You do what makes you feel comfortable.