When kids see a cake being sliced, there’s often a debate about who’s getting the best piece.
But some people carry that into adulthood.
Who should get the best bits? Is it OK for the person who did all the work to take the best portion?
A spouse who is the primary cool turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback on this question.
SwainDane asked:
“AITA for taking ‘the best pieces’ when I serve dinner?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I cook dinner every day. Or what you could realistically say every day, except for the occasions where we get takeout or whatever else. I wasn’t directly called an asshole for this, but there was a remark of ‘You get the better piece, huh?’.”
“I feel like when I’m the one who figures out what we’re gonna eat, does the grocery shopping, cooks the dinner, then I may have the right to decide who gets who when plating up. Am I greedy?”
“I wanna point out that if we get takeout or something like that, I’ll offer up whatever I think they might like, it’s just that when I cooked the meal and such, I feel like I can take the ‘good cut’.”
The OP later added:
“I always cook more than enough food, often too much, which is a different problem. It’s not supposed to be a relationship thing, but I cook for my partner and our child (our kid is too young to eat our food, so I make them a separate meal).”
“We’re simply talking MINISCULE levels of bigger piece of meat, or better sear, or whatever else qualifies as ‘better piece’. I’m way bigger than my partner (practically, almost literally twice the size) I don’t ALWAYS take the best piece, but I would say I do it more than I give it.”
“It’s not 50/50, skewed towards me taking it more often than giving it. As I also pointed out, if there’s a piece of something I know my partner likes more than I do, I’ll readily give that piece, even if I also like it, if I know it’s their favorite (or really appreciated).”
“An example is 4 pieces of meat. 3 the same size, 1 a bit smaller. I’d take 2 same-size and give the normal sized and smaller to my partner.”
“NOBODY LEAVES THE TABLE HUNGRY – THERE’S LEFTOVERS 99% OF THE TIME.”
“Their comment was not from a harmful, hateful, angry place. I made one of the dishes we both favor, like top 5 kind of dishes I make, and my partner commented on me having a ‘better’ piece, with a figurative (maybe literal) curl of their lip.”
“This is not a relationship, AITA. This is about the act of taking the ‘better piece’ as the cook.”
“For other clarification, I don’t ALWAYS take the ‘better piece,’ but I will admit I do it a majority of the time, let’s say 60%. Keep in mind there’s a bunch of dishes that don’t have separately cooked pieces, in those cases it’s obviously not possible to take the ‘better piece’.”
“We both pay equally for bills, household needs. I work slightly less than my partner (a few hours less per week). On the other hand, I do virtually all household chores, as well as drop-off and pick-up at daycare. The only exception is an occasional laundry load or if I’m REALLY burnt out, I’ll ask for the dishes to be cleaned.”
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
“I tend to take the ‘best pieces’ of dinner when plating up, since I cooked it. It may make me an asshole because it may be greedy.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO – more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“I do all the cooking in my house. I get secret chef snacks as I cook and then give the best piece to my partner.” ~ bigpony
“NTA – but it is quite interesting you do that.”
“I do all the cooking in the house too, and when I portion up, I always give her the best cut or better cooked one. Why? Because I love her and want her to have the best bit.” ~ Ready-Zombie5635
“I live with my girlfriend, and when I cook (we do a rough 50/50), I always choose the best pieces for her. If the only difference is one is plated better, she gets the pretty one. It’s because I love her and also because I pride myself in being a good cook, so maximising her enjoyment takes priority.” ~ mmoolloo
“My husband does this when he has the time to do pretty plating. He used to work as a cook throughout high school and during the summers in college so he learned a few things. He will always give me the prettier plate.”
“Meanwhile, I give him the larger portion or the best pieces. I usually take the smaller of the pieces and give him the larger ones because I know he enjoys my cooking. I only take the best pieces when he’s out climbing, and I’m cooking for myself.” ~ Tiny-firefly
“Maybe this sounds silly, but when I was younger and had fallen in love for the first time, I acutely remember recognizing that for the first time in my life, I always wanted to give my (then) boyfriend the ‘better’ plate whenever serving food.”
“It occurred to me then that this is a sign of real love—a selfless and instinctive desire to put your partner’s happiness and wellbeing above your own.”
“I kept that with me always, and in later relationships, paid close attention to whether or not my partner was doing the same for me.” ~ Predd1tor
“You aren’t an AH exactly, but you aren’t being fair either if you always do this.”
“Why do you cook for people if you don’t think they ever deserve to try the best bits?” ~ ForwardCity9803
“I think if you’re giving others the noticeably less good portion to the point where it’s noticeably in your favor, you probably shouldn’t do that. I get that you cook, so I don’t think you should get the better piece, but if you usually get the better piece to the point where she has noticed, it’s creating tension.”
“I don’t think it’s wrong to do, but I also think it’s easy to make your partner feel really taken care of in this way. Idk how you guys delineate chores, but it’s not like she can ‘take the better piece’ of taking out the trash or handling the baby.” ~ rolyfuckingdiscopoly
“A**hole might be taking it a bit far, but depending on other details, you might be an a**hole.”
“It’s so commonly the other way that if we were dating and I noticed you doing this, I would take note and it would be reasonable for me to count it as a negative. It’s a red-ish flag at the very least.”
“Cooking can be an enjoyable chore, but when it comes down to it, it is a chore. If you and your partner live together and split chores, you might be a full-blown a**hole.”
“It’s hard to find easy-to-verbalize examples since most other chores do not have levels of quality past DONE, but what other chores would it be okay for one to do the best part for themselves? Chores are done for the household, not yourself, and you’ve found a way to do this one for yourself.”
“On your edit, you clarify that the difference is ‘minuscule,’ but that doesn’t make it better. Either the difference is significant, and you are regularly selfish, or it’s insignificant, and you’ve chosen to signal selfishness when it costs you nothing to signal the opposite.” ~ psychicesp
“Whenever I roast a chicken (often) I will eat the wings (just the flats) before I carve/process the rest of the bird. I get a cute little plate and put a tasty sauce on my two perfectly cooked, crispy chicken wings.”
“My husband encourages this behavior. He knows I almost always give him the ‘better’ plate. Secret chef snacks restore the balance, in my opinion. Love for self and love for partner fulfilled.” ~ buttz_
“Certain pieces are the chef’s prize, which means they’re eaten in secret before serving everyone else. It is essential that there are no witnesses, or else it doesn’t count. My favorite is the crispy charred piece on the thin end of broiled salmon.” ~ breadburn
“Yeah… NTA but it’s kind of sad? I have done most of the cooking in my relationships, and I always give my partner the best plate. I’ll enjoy what I’ve made no matter what. I want them to enjoy the best of it.”
“My current partner cooks as well, and always does the same for me when plating. It’s not even something I questioned until now.” ~ sylviaplatitude
“With my wife, I always tried to plate up as equally as possible. I would then let her choose left or right, without seeing, and then she got that plate. That way, there could be no complaints, and we both had an equal chance at the ‘better’ portion.” ~ GeraltOfDissidia
“I give them the best plate, but I often question if I’m right to do this.”
“Why am I always short-changing myself? Why do I treat everyone else better than I treat myself?”
“I think OP might actually have the right idea.”
“Not that you should take the best piece every time, but allow yourself to have the best piece once in a while, you know?” ~ Money-Possibility606
“NAH. I get why you feel entitled to the nicer piece since you planned, shopped, and cooked, but I also get why it can feel a little crappy to be on the receiving end every time.”
“If it’s an occasional thing, fine. If it’s the default, maybe start alternating or at least asking. This feels more like a communication thing than greed.” ~ One_Simple_8358
While many people couldn’t relate to why the OP took the better portions, they didn’t think it deserved a designation of a**hole.