Planning a wedding has become an even more expensive and stressful task than ever before.
This is especially true for people who are hyperfixated on the aesthetics of their wedding day, no matter how it might harm their other relationships, cringed the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Upst41rs_Turnover_t was excited for her best friend to get married and was honored to be her Maid of Honor, and she was more than happy to help the bride plan her big day.
But when the bride accused her of not doing enough, not paying for enough, and even called her “lazy,” the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and completely removed herself from the wedding planning process, including canceling the booking for the bachelorette party location.
She asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting by canceling my friend’s Bachelorette trip after she called me a bad Maid of Honor?”
The OP worked hard to help her best friend celebrate her wedding.
“My best friend (28 Female) is getting married. I (28 Female) am her Maid of Honor.”
“I spent weeks planning a bachelorette weekend, booking an Airbnb, organizing activities, and coordinating with nine other girls.”
But the bride was convinced that the OP was not doing enough.
“Last week, she had a meltdown in the group chat, saying I wasn’t doing enough.”
“She said that the Airbnb wasn’t ‘aesthetic enough’ and that she expected me to pay for more of the costs, since I’m the Maid of Honor.”
“She even called me ‘lazy’ in front of everyone.”
The OP didn’t appreciate being treated that way.
“I was so hurt, I just canceled the Airbnb reservation and told everyone I wasn’t going anymore and wouldn’t be doing any more of the planning.”
“Now she’s furious, saying I ruined her once-in-a-lifetime trip and that I ‘overreacted’ to normal bride stress.”
“I feel guilty because it’s her big moment, but also… I don’t think I deserved to be treated that way. Did I go too far?”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that she deserved to be treated better.
“Absolutely NOR. No one deserves to be spoken to like that, especially in front of the group, and especially after already putting in so much work.”
“Expecting the MOH to cover everything and calling them lazy? That’s on the bride, not the MOH. Cancelling was probably the only way to set boundaries.” – abbybryant_23
“NOR, I can’t imagine ever treating my ANYONE like that, let alone my BEST FRIEND. I’ve been a bride. I’ve had tons of ups and downs in life. I would never complain about any aspect of a VACATION someone else PLANNED and PAID FOR for me. Not under any circumstances.”
“The bride seems to be suffering from main character energy and being too chronically online, worrying about the aesthetic of the Airbnb. Did she also expect matching outfits and over-exposed photos of all you girls leaping into the air at the same time in front of an in-ground pool while drinking a specially themed cocktail?”
“She ruined her own day when she ruined her friendship with you. Selfish. Spoiled. I wouldn’t want to know her.” – Dependent-Ad-2694
“NOR. This went way beyond normal bride stress.”
“These were unrealistic and ridiculous expectations put on you with zero regard for the effort and expense you put in.”
“Being a MOH does not mean allowing someone to treat you like sh*t just because they’re the bride…”
“Millions of people get married every year without treating their friends this badly, most without even having a bachelorette, they aren’t really a thing where I’m from, so I find the bachelor/bachelorette stories all kinda gross and tacky, to be honest, but I digress.”
“She showed you exactly what kind of friend she is, I’d seriously reconsider this friendship and wish good luck to the other bridesmaids and her husband!” – GellyG42
“NOR. I wouldn’t put up with being treated like that.”
“I maybe would have called the bride and said, ‘Hey, I don’t allow people to treat me like that. I don’t appreciate being spoken to that way. I especially don’t appreciate being dressed down in front of the group. If you don’t think I’m doing a good job, I have absolutely no problem abdicating those responsibilities, and you can have someone else to do it.'”
“‘Another thing I want to make clear, I am not financing your bachelorette activities. The job of a maid of honour is to help organize things, not pay for them. You’re the one who decided to get married. You have to do what’s within your own budget.'”
“Having a discussion before canceling would have been a good idea. Blaming bride stress is just an excuse. Your friend sounds s**tty. I’m sure behaviours like this have existed in the past. Having these discussions and learning these lessons, for both of you, are unfortunate during this time in your lives.” – LuckyNumerical
“To OP, you’re NOR.”
“To Bridezilla: Having emotional overreactions due to stress, etc., is human. Deal with it privately with your fiancé.”
“Your friends are stressed, as well, if for no better reason than you probably picked some god awful color for a god awful dress that can only be worn once but was too expensive to throw away.”
“Be grateful for your friends and family and shut the f**k up.” – mcramsay
Others believed that the OP had already gone above and beyond as a Maid of Honor.
“As a man, I’ll admit I’ve never been in this particular loop, but I have young daughters and should probably become more aware that I’m going to support them when it’s their turn. Some of this just doesn’t make sense, though.”
“When did MOH duties expand beyond assisting in wedding planning, throwing a bachelorette party, and providing logistics and support to the bride on the day of the wedding?”
“When did a bachelorette party become a bachelorette trip? When did the MOH have to start paying for all this nonsense?”
“The MOH is doing the bride a favor by taking some of the work and stress off the bride’s shoulders. The MOH, and to a smaller degree, based on their efforts, the bridesmaids, should receive a small gift in recognition of their sacrifice to be a part of the bridal party and support the bride, right?”
“Based on my probably out-of-touch understanding, NOR.”
“Regardless of whether it’s become the social norm, insulting the person you’re relying on to financially and logistically support you is just dumb. That’s not a friend. That’s a leech.” – Ambitious_Misgivings
“When did MOH duties expand beyond assisting in wedding planning, throwing a bachelorette party, and providing logistics and support to the bride on the day of the wedding?”
“Isn’t it all just exhausting and ridiculous? And if we’re talking tradition, a 100 years ago, all that was expected was to help the bride out on the actual wedding day. Not be at her beck and call for a year before.” – rivershimmer
“As a bride currently myself, I don’t know why anyone buys into this nonsense. It’s not the MOH’s duty to pay more or create some influencer-style ‘aesthetic’ bachelorette vacation trip for ten people.”
“Nor is ‘wedding stress’ ever an excuse for a bride to publicly humiliate their MOH, demand more money from her, or trash her efforts.”
“Any bride with this kind of behavior and expectations is a materialistic, image-obsessed, selfish b***h (and NOT a true friend). OP absolutely is NOR.” – Wildheit88
“Wedding culture has just gotten more and more ridiculous over the years. When I was a bridesmaid, my friend chose dresses that she knew would be affordable for us. Her bachelorette party was a nice dinner, and she gave us all necklaces as a thank-you gift.”
“When I got married, my husband and I decided to elope. We were living in a third country that neither of us was from, so it was partly for practical reasons, partly because neither of us could bear the planning or the actual event, and instead we spent the money on a two- to three-week honeymoon to Thailand and Cambodia. It remains one of the best decisions I ever made.” – Geordieqizi
“This whole culture of a multi-day bridal party trip is ridiculous. People can end up in debt, keeping up with being part of the weddings of a few friends. Why did these royal-level expectations take hold?” – Intrepid-Implement59
“Here the problem is brides who can’t afford a Costco hotdog and pop expect a wagyu beef bachelorette.”
“I’m old and have gone to old-style one evening bach events. Dinner and barhopping. MoH brought candy necklaces for all. If I’m invited out for my young friend’s bach, I’ll bring the candy necklaces.”
“Another was dinner in the bar’s backroom.”
“Brides these days are inconsiderate in not figuring out costs ahead of time, later assuming friends will go on a multi-day, destination bach while demanding they pay for a bridal shower, including all women invited.”
“The minute your girls tell you they’re in a wedding, have them ask the bride about the cost, in writing.”
“Bachelor and bachelorette parties particularly run off the rails; it seems like they’re not planned well, girls might be told it’s $300 apiece, not realizing that’s their split for two nights at an Airbnb, but nothing else, so many costs get added, and suddenly, it’s $2000 because they pay for the bride, buy new outfits, etc.”
“The problem is etc., etc., etc. The OP is NOR.” – Emotional_Bonus_934
The subReddit was left shaking their heads over the expectations that had been put on the OP and how she’d been treated by the woman who was supposed to be her best friend.
If the bride wanted such an aesthetic wedding, she could take the pressure off of planning and paying for it. Clearly, she valued the aesthetics of one day of her life more than some of her most meaningful relationships.