When we’re dating someone we really care about, it’s not surprising that we would do all that we could to impress them.
But one of the most impressive things we can do is be honest and vulnerable with them, even when we want to be able to do something for them that we can’t, like cook a nice meal, reasoned out the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Cautious_Pear_5800 had been excited when their boyfriend promised them a romantic dinner at home, but they were immediately suspicious when they saw how perfect everything looked.
When they discovered that their boyfriend had staged takeout as a romantic dinner at home, the Original Poster (OP) was much more upset about him lying than the fact that he ordered takeout.
They asked the sub:
“AIO for calling out my boyfriend after finding out his ‘homemade romantic dinner’ was actually takeout from a restaurant down the street?”
The OP thought it was nice when her boyfriend wanted to create a romantic dinner at home.
“My boyfriend told me he wanted to ‘cook for me’ and made a big deal about planning a romantic dinner.”
“When I showed up, there was music and roasted duck that honestly looked too perfect.”
The OP quickly started to put the pieces together.
“I noticed the same foil containers in the trash from the restaurant near our place.”
“When I asked if he’d ordered it, he said he ‘just used their packaging.'”
“I got suspicious, checked the bin, and found the actual receipt from that restaurant.”
The OP didn’t mind the takeout dinner, but the lie that surrounded it.
“We had a big fight because it was obviously a lie.”
“He got embarrassed and said I was ruining the vibe.”
“But I would’ve been fine if he’d just told the truth. I mean, I’m not so great at making food either, but why did he lie to me?”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
A few thought the OP was overreacting, because a home-cooked meal and takeout could both be romantic gestures.
“Three little words. Does. It. Matter? Really?”
“He got dinner for you. Yes, he told you a white lie about where it came from. So what? Don’t complain if he never does anything nice for you again.” – LissyVie
“Wow. You actually dug through the garbage and had a fight over this?”
“You’re not just slightly overreacting. If you had suspected to find a used condom, that would be not overreacting. You went full-on psycho over DINNER.”
“It’s dinner and a romantic gesture. Save the insane behaviour for things that actually deserve it.”
“On the plus side, he’s s**t at lying, so you won’t really need to worry about not knowing when he does tell even a little white lie.” – LouisePoet
“Oh yeah, you’re overreacting. This dude did a romantic gesture, and you found a way to pick a fight. Slow clap…” – CMG30
“He should not have been lying, but honestly, he did get a romantic dinner in the end. Maybe he wanted to cook but decided to play it safe. If I were in this situation, I would not have cared where the meal came from, but just that he made sure there was a meal to enjoy.” – Silver-Star92
“NOR, but I’m going to try to look on the bright side and say that someone who lies this badly about cooking must not have had a lot of practice lying or trying to cover it up. It’s the liars you can’t spot that are concerning.”
“My wife and I get a nice takeout at least once a month because who wants to buy 100 dollars worth of ingredients and make a mess of the kitchen?!”
“Also, saying ‘I cooked a roast duck’ is a lie that comes back to haunt you, because it implies more fancy cooking in the future. Like lying during an interview that you’re a classically trained pianist and the boss asks you to play at the Christmas party.” – Forever_Away96
However, most found the real issue was that the boyfriend was lying to the OP.
“There’s literally no reason to lie. Whatever the reason may be for doing it is probably not a good one.”
“Cooking failed? Wanted it to be perfect? Just tell the truth; who gives a f**k?”
“It’s just a weird thing to lie about, and it’s minor, but again, who would lie about something as insignificant as that? Probably not a good partner.” – jensjennifer
“You got a liar as a boyfriend. Do with that as you will.” – Ill-Locksmith8281
“No matter what he’s lying about, lying is lying.”
“He could’ve just said, ‘I’m ordering us [restaurant] and giving you a romantic dinner.'”
“Putting takeout on real plates, turning on music, maybe using some pretty lighting, and making it nice is SUCH a romantic and intimate gesture!”
“He could have done exactly that and told the truth, and it would have been lovely, no worries whatsoever. NOR.” – Jayaaa
“Lying is lying is lying… You’re not wrong to be mad about the lie. What’s next, ‘We were just hanging out and nothing happened’?”
“Those who are dishonest with a little are dishonest with a lot. NOR.” – Standard-Cloud-5332
“Don’t date liars. This was something with a fairly low level of consequence in being revealed. What happens when there’s more at stake?”
“When you’ve been with someone who openly lies to your face (I’ve been there), there’s no coming back.” – Special-Bitt-8689
And to top it all off, he was a terrible liar, pointed out others.
“NOR. Imagine if he’d just said, ‘I tried to make you a home-cooked meal and then I screwed it up and was embarrassed and didn’t have enough time to fix it, so I ordered a replacement dinner and was too embarrassed to tell you. I’m sorry for lying to you.'”
“I’m willing to bet if he’d said that to OP, she wouldn’t be posting here, but he lied and kept lying.” – haleorshin
“‘Just used their packaging.’ …What? What could you have possibly used it for?!”
“He couldn’t even come up with a convincing lie?”
“He’s not just a liar; he’s stupid, too.” – Judy_McJudgerson
“NOR. He should have hit her with a ‘I just used their receipts,’ too, after she found the containers. Honestly, the lying is the bigger insult. You really think I’m stupid enough to believe you ‘used the packaging’?”
“If you’re gonna be a liar, at least be a good one. Go to liar school and learn how to be a good liar, ya f**king clown.” – KKs_Delivery_Service
“He’s a liar. He’s also a person who doubles down on his lie when caught and only confesses when he’s faced with absolutely irrefutable proof, and then tries to blame you for ‘ruining’ things by insisting on the truth.”
“Girl, what more do you need to know?”
“NOR.”
“You should be leaving a human-shaped dust cloud behind with how fast you’re running away from this guy.” – lissaBryan
“He got caught in the lie and then doubled down and blamed you for ruining the vibe. Too close to DARVO… Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.”
“OP, read that book ‘Why Does He Do That?’ by Lundy Bancroft. I don’t know if this is due to human nature or what, but abusers have patterns they all seem to follow.” – K00kyKelly
“When I read through it, my first thought was, ‘That’s a good chunk of DARVO right there.'”
“Learning about DARVO was soo eye-opening. At first, I felt kind of dumb like, ‘How did I not catch on to that?!’ Because I often would end up feeling like I was the one in the wrong after being DARVO’d.”
“But I know many manipulators are very good at what they do. And at the time, due to my self-esteem issues, I was easily manipulated. It is what it is. Now that I know about it, though, it’s usually obvious to spot.”
“Look back through your relationship for signs of it, OP. Used containers in the trash can and an abandoned receipt might have just been some of the more obvious signs, with other examples sprinkled throughout your relationship.” – SoHereWeGo-
One Redditor suggested having a conversation before making any rash decisions about the relationship.
“He lied, and that isn’t good. However, look at the motive behind it, too. He wanted to impress you. Yes, he failed and was caught lying. But do you really think berating him over it is good?”
“How about an adult conversation that says something like:”
“‘I know you bought the food from the restaurant and said you cooked it to impress me. I am flattered by the intent, but I would rather you not tell me a lie to try to impress me with a fancy dinner. I would have been just as happy as you setting up the dinner at home with the music and ambiance for me and telling me you wanted to cook, but you didn’t for whatever reason.'”
“Make sure he understands this: ‘It is super important to me that we are always truthful with one another, even in the small, mundane things in life.'”
“He shouldn’t have lied, but you should have a little understanding behind the motivation, extend some grace, and communicate. Honestly, I wouldn’t want to be with a partner who explodes over something so trivial.”
“We judge ourselves by our best intentions and others by their worst actions. I would bet a million dollars you have told a white lie to him either through commission or omission, too. You just rationalized it.” – Complete-Record5167
The subReddit was about as divided over how the OP reacted as the OP and their boyfriend were over how the “romantic dinner” went. It sounded to most like the boyfriend was eager to impress the OP and have a romantic night at home, but his way of getting there was questionable at best.
If the couple decided to keep working on their relationship and wanted to have a romantic night together, they’d be better off sticking with honesty and a delicious but low-stress menu.