At a wedding, it’s reasonable to expect the couple getting married to be the center of attention.
When Redditor throwrawedphotos discovered her friend seized an opportunity to make an announcement of her own, she strongly considered erasing that memory. Or at least the part she paid for.
Before seeking revenge, the bride ran it by the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit as a hypothetical “Would I be the A**hole (WIBTA) post.
“WIBTA if I deleted my friend’s engagement pictures?”
The Original Poster (OP) added that English was her second language.
“I got married last fall. Where I live, fall means the trees are changing colors.”
“So the wedding pictures are to die for. We didn’t have a huge budget, so a friend of mine asked her friend if she could do it for me.”
“I had seen some of her work and she is really talented, plus she is a total sweetheart. The only thing is, for what she charges, and since it’s more of a hobby, you’ll get your pictures when you’ll get them.”
“Well, I got them. And now I need to know if what I’m about to do falls in a**hole territory.”
“A few days after my wedding, my friend announced to me that she was engaged. I was ecstatic and wanted to know everything.”
“Turns out she got engaged at my wedding.”
“My brain gets out of its vegetative state and I remember her table being way too excited at some point but I blamed the alcohol.”
“I wasn’t thrilled about it, realizing then that she had basically not only gotten engaged at my wedding, but instead of hiding it and announcing it later, she announced it to our friends during the party.”
“It was a tough pill to swallow but I figured, whatever, it’s not like I even realized what was happening.”
“We did have a discussion about it and she didn’t seem to understand why I was upset until I put it into perspective for her, asking her how she would feel if I made a big annoucement at her wedding, taking the attention away from her big moment.”
“In my friends’ mind, it’s no longer the day I got married, it’s now also the day she got engaged. On my dime.”
“We eventually turned the page and I thought it was over.”
“Well I’ve sort of been friends with my photographer since the wedding because of comon interests. At some point, she point blank told me that now that we are closer, she feels comfortable asking me what to do with my friend’s pictures because it makes her really uncomfortable.”
“During the evening, the wedding party took a break to go change, and during that time my photographer was taking pictures of foliage and the venue. My friend apparently asked her to take pictures of her and her boyfriend.”
“She didn’t really see a problem since we weren’t back yet and they were guests. That’s until she realized they were engagement pictures.”
“Some poses just don’t leave place to interpretation.”
“So, when she asked me what to do, that, you know, accidents happen, I told her to just put them in a seperate folder.”
“Ever since, I’ve been thinking what am I gonna do with that folder.”
“My friend has been asking about my wedding pictures periodically but haven’t asked about her pictures specifically. It was easy when I didn’t have them but now I do.”
“I’ve had them since April and I know she will eventually come out of hiding now that [the pandemic] restrictions are loosened.”
“I want to delete the folder since they are my property anyway. But I don’t want to be a major AH either.”
“Before you say it, I do realize I haven’t forgiven her at all like I initially thought.”
Anonymous strangers on the internet let the bride know if she would be:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most Redditors declared NTA.
“Oh wow! NTA. You would be well within your rights.”
“Announcing an engagement at someone’s wedding is awful. But l would have been ok to let it go, like you.”
“She might not have known a proposal was coming and they didn’t announce it to the room at large. Your initial response to her was good.”
“But the photographer thing is absolutely unacceptable.”
“I think I’d keep her hanging. Let her see the photos you’ve chosen of your special day. Never mention hers.”
“If she asks, you can then make her explain why she got your photographer, whose time you had paid for and allocated, to take pictures that weren’t about your day.”
“You can choose whether to delete the photos or charge for them…but hopefully she will be sufficiently embarrassed it will make her think. If not, I’m not certain I’d actually want her as a friend.” – Archimedestheeducate
“NTA – if you don’t delete them, Over-charge her for the photos. Has she had an engagement party or, plans to have one?”
“If not, charge her for half the photograph fees since she insists on making your wedding her engagement experience.” – DogsWatchr
Other opportunities for payback were explored, including gifting the photos—albeit with digital manipulation.
“Sounds like a cheap wedding present.”
“I know it’s more fun to be petty, but it won’t change anything and then OP will probably spend extra money on a guilt wedding gift because this person is still her friend.”
“NTA either way, but a low effort gesture wrapped in a bow in lieu of a couple hundred dollar wedding gift sounds petty enough to me.”
“I would also do things like photoshop the pictures a tiny bit. Like adding a half eaten ham from the buffet to be positioned right behind her head, stuff like that-unnoticable except to me.”
“seems like she used OPs wedding reception as her engagement party . . . NTA charge her for using your wedding and your photographer.”
“l’m mean and l’d announce a pregnancy or something during her wedding.” – bbyfcdassassin
“I see a lot of people saying delete the photos, but I think that’s too harsh.”
“Charge her through the nose and then only give her the ones that are slightly off (eyes closed, slightly out of focus, weird mouth etc) Keep the few beautiful ones to remind yourself of her shitty actions.”
“And announce your pregnancy or something else big in the same manner at her wedding.” – livatesselaar
“That’s what I was thinking but send it back to the photographer that way OP doesn’t have to have that guilt on their back.”
“The photographer can say hey I realized you asked me to do an engagement photoshoot. My services are not free these are my pricing packages which would you like…”
“It’s hard to believe some ppl just hijack other people’s big day just to save a buck. If she was really a friend she would own up to it and ask if she can purchase the extra prints from the photographer herself or pay OP a portion if that came out of her allotment of photos in her wedding package.” – Artemismajor
“Yep, wait till she asks and then tell her that yeah you got your wedding pics and if she wants her engagement pics she can ask the photographer friend about the price for those and pay her share because you’re not paying for HER engagement pics she let YOUR hired photographer take at YOUR wedding.”
“Her engagement pics are not your responsibility, also your photographer friend deserves to get payed for her work and should sell them to her.” – SaschaCawa
The general consensus was that the engaged friend should consult with the photographer and compensate her accordingly if she wanted the photos.
And based on many of the heated responses, it was clear that no one likes a wedding hijacker.
The OP has not given an update on whether or not she deleted the engagement photos.