It’s no secret that while planning a wedding, some brides go way too far in developing and committing to their wedding aesthetics.
But there are more important things than everything looking nice and matching, especially when there’s an exceptional heat wave passing through, pointed out the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor bracken_rooms was a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding and was excited about the wedding and throughout the planning process, and she thought everything was going to be fine.
But when she received a message the day of the wedding, demanding no visible tattoos, and when the Original Poster (OP) had to wear a shawl in the sweltering heat, she knew she had to leave early.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for leaving my friend’s wedding after she made me cover my tattoos?”
The OP was excited to be a bridesmaid in her friend’s wedding.
“I (28 Female) have several visible tattoos. Nothing offensive or graphic, mostly floral and animal designs on my arms and upper back.”
“I also happen to be autistic and have had a terrible history with sensory sensitivities. Anything can set me off.”
“So a close friend of mine, Emily (26 Female), recently got married and asked me to be a bridesmaid. I was excited and said yes.”
“A few weeks before the wedding, she sent out a group message with dress details. Everything looked great.”
But then the bride issued an unfortunate surprise the morning of the wedding.
“But on the day of the wedding, she messaged us, ‘No visible tattoos, please, my grandparents are super traditional.'”
“I asked if that was negotiable since the dress for the bridesmaids she chose had no sleeves, and I would need to wear something over it the entire time.”
“She said no, and that it ‘wasn’t a big deal’ and that it was ‘just for a few hours.'”
“I didn’t want to cause drama, so I just bought a shawl to wear over the dress even though it was 92 degrees and the ceremony was outdoors.”
“I was sweating and overwhelmed and miserable the whole time.”
The OP did not feel appreciated and decided to prioritize herself.
“After the ceremony, when everyone started taking photos and moving into the reception, I took the shawl off for some relief (not even thinking about it).”
“She immediately pulled me aside and told me to put it back on.”
“I said, ‘It’s super hot, I’m sweating and really uncomfortable, and I’m just trying to enjoy the day.'”
“She got SUPER snippy and said I was making it about me. At that point, I honestly felt so unwanted and embarrassed that I said I was going to head out early.”
“I congratulated her again, gave her the card I brought, and quietly left before dinner.”
“Now she’s texting me, saying I ruined the energy of her day, that people noticed I was gone, and that I could’ve ‘just sucked it up’ for a few more hours.”
“Some of our mutual friends are saying I overreacted, too.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said comfort and safety should be prioritized above any wedding aesthetic.
“NTA. If you were hot and sweaty and needed to be comfortable, then that’s the bottom line. This isn’t something you spring on someone after money, time, and energy is spent.” – Madiezie1
“If ‘no visible tattoos’ is an important rule, then it should have been important enough to discuss when the bridesmaid dresses were being discussed and bought. Not on the DAY OF the wedding.” – perpetuallyxhausted
“OP doesn’t have to put herself in the hospital from heat exhaustion because her own body makes a couple of old people uncomfortable. And I guarantee that if OP were to pass out from heat exhaustion at the wedding, it would have been an even bigger commotion when EMS picks her up.” – clynkirk
“NTA. A long-sleeved sweater outdoors on a 92-degree day can easily become a safety issue.” – SummitJunkie7
“It’s not something you bring up the day of, especially when someone’s already committed time, effort, and emotional energy to be there for you.” – Sad-Location306
“NTA. If you trying to cool off on a day that risked heat stroke ‘ruined the energy of her day,’ then it wasn’t much of a day. Maybe apologize for not finding somewhere private to do that, but her reaction is way over the top.” – hernameisjack
“She followed the dress code during the ceremony, which is what mattered most. After that, she tried to self-regulate without disrupting anything. It’s unfair to treat her like she disrespected the whole event.” – AlfF4Open
“NTA. She knew you had tattoos when she chose you to be a bridesmaid. She knew you had tattoos that would not be covered when she chose the dress. She advised you the DAY OF the wedding that the dress SHE chose didn’t meet the dress code SHE chose and expected YOU to solve the problem she created as if you didn’t have 5799 other things to do as a bridesmaid.”
“Being overheated can literally cause a health emergency. She cared more about the possibility of her grandparents’ making a rude comment (from this story it sounds like they didn’t even say anything, she was just worried they might) than she was your health and wellbeing.” – My_Frozen_Heart
“I have no tolerance for hateful people in my life. If someone couldn’t shut up at my wedding about somebody’s tattoos, they can kick rocks or shut up and enjoy the party!!”
“I’d tell them to either get over it or get out of here… lol, and I only have two tattoos, but my best friend in the ENTIRE WORLD has LOTS of tattoos and she’s my sister from another mister. I’d dare someone to say something about her. I’d put whoever did it in their place, OUT OF MY LIFE!”
“Good on you for three years! Some people don’t deserve us and protecting our peace is the most important thing of all…” – Ok_Orchid1885
Others pointed out that if the bride wanted to be a bridezilla, then she should have planned for it.
“NTA. She was completely aware of your tattoos and what would show with the dress SHE chose.”
“It was a d**k move to make demands the day of the wedding when she had weeks to let you know and plan accordingly.”
“You don’t risk giving your friend heat stroke just to prevent your grandparents from seeing some nature tattoos.” – JohnRedcornMassage
“NTA. If she wanted tattoo-free bridesmaids, she should’ve picked long sleeves from the start, not sprung it on you last minute like some weird purity test. Heatstroke is more important than grandma’s delicate sensibilities.” – Effective-Purpose-36
“At my brother’s wedding, my aunt brought me aside and said how nice it was that I didn’t have tattoos. Most of the other bridesmaids had several, including a full sleeve or two.”
“I didn’t have any (though I want some and just haven’t pulled the trigger yet). So it definitely bothers some to the point of making comments, even if it’s not directly to their face.”
“That being said, NTA. If her grandparents were going to care that much, something could have been said/done much sooner.” – Jess_1215
“She had time to speak up before the wedding, springing it on you last minute was unfair. You didn’t ruin her day, she made you feel unwelcome at it.” – SparkNib
“NTA. She should have told you well in advance before so you could have bought an appropriate cover-up that would have lasted, and/or had more time to find something that could potentially be more weather appropriate. I know brides have a lot going on, but that’s crazy she didn’t tell you before.” – No-Importance-44
“I’d bet she didn’t tell her till the last minute because she didn’t want her to decline being a bridesmaid or maybe even declining to be at the wedding at all.” – MolassesInevitable53
“I’m biased because I have a lot of ink, but honestly… she was concerned about your ink being visible, but didn’t care that you had a very different-looking outfit? This was at her request, obviously, but I swear…having a bridesmaid in a markedly different dress would make me batty.”
“You are totally NOT the AH.” – Per1winkleDaisy
“I have no ink, and I think it’s insane to make someone wear a shrug for a dress I choose, making it a completely different outfit than what the other bridesmaids are wearing. H**l, the bride is lucky the OP had something to wear on the day of because I wouldn’t have had anything to cover it up.”
“I woulda have been dropping a dress off for her to try to find someone. I woulda have been chilling in my pajamas nice and comfy watching a movie at home.” – Issie_Bear
“NTA.”
“I have said this before, I’ll say it again. Not mutual friends. HER friends are saying you overreacted. Your friends would support YOU.”
“She was aware of your tattoos when she asked you to participate, it’s on her.” – SunshinePrincess21
“NTA. Actually, Emily should have told you your tattoos needed to be covered before she asked you to be a bridesmaid or chose a dress that would have covered the tattoos.”
“As for the people telling you to suck it up, ignore them.”
“I would have left, too.” – FlashyHabit3030
“I’ll never understand why it turns into everyone else’s problem when ANY family member of the bride or groom ‘doesn’t like tattoos, because they’re traditional.’ What does that have to do with ME?? That’s what I’d ask.”
“Are they going to DISOWN ME?! OHHH NOOOO (sarcasm). Are they gonna call me a hooker or a gangster? OHOHHHHHH NOOOOOOOO WHATEVER SHALL I DO?! (sarcasm).”
“Couldn’t be me at my wedding. If my Granny said, ‘I hope nobody’s going to be showing tattoos and ruining your classy wedding day!!'”
“I’d remind her it’s NOT 1925! If I disinvited everyone with tattoos, more than half of our family wouldn’t be able to come… And last but certainly not least… It’s not YOUR wedding!! Period!”
“The only advice I need is how to make my marriage last forever and if my jewelry clashes with my makeup.” – Ok_Orchid1885
The subReddit could not stop side-eyeing the bride for value wedding aesthetics and old-fashioned beliefs over someone’s self-expression, comfort, and even safety during a heat wave.
If the bride wanted someone who was tattoo-free, she either should have asked a bridesmaid without tattoos or at least provided a high-quality tattoo cover-up makeup and setting spray.