It’s hard to end a friendship after decades. Too often we hang on to people because we’ve known them since childhood, high school, or college.
But if the friend isn’t someone you’d ever become friends with now because your paths have diverged far apart, are you holding onto an actual friend or to memories and nostalgia?
A woman contemplating the end of a friendship turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
AllTheWayToReno asked:
“AITA backing out of the baby shower of my brother’s girlfriend who is also my pregnant best friend of 22 years?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I’ll try to keep this as concise as possible. My best friend since age 12 (33, female) is pregnant with my little brother’s (27, male) baby.”
“When they started dating, I (33, female) was over the moon! They have been crushing on each other—my brother for more than a decade—and everything aligned and they finally got together. Her IUD failed and now they’re going to have a baby.”
“HE has been crushing on HER since he was a kid.”
“SHE started talking about crushing on him after she detoxed at my house about five years ago. She’s an alcoholic in recovery, my brother and I lived together at the time, they started bonding over watching anime together while I was at work, but they both had partners at the time.”
“The baby situation is messy and complicated, but only slightly relevant. She has a 12-year-old that refuses to see her and she didn’t take good care of him when she did have him a few years back. She struggles with mental health, but refuses to seek treatment and finds every reason possible to skip work, stay in bed, neglect obligations.”
“My brother didn’t want kids, ever, but stood by her decision to keep it. My brother has a great career and is super stable.”
“My best friend has a history of leaning on others for as much as possible, so my family is worried she’s going to expect him to take care of her and the baby while she contributes little to nothing. I’m supportive of their decision, because I want my brother to be happy, and the baby’s my blood regardless of the less-than-ideal circumstances.”
“I was set to plan and host the baby shower, as I did with her first son 12 years ago. This is a good time to mention that I broke up with my fiancé due to him cheating in April 2025, and prior to that, my best friend had moved in with him and I.”
“When I moved out, she chose to continue living with my ex. It made me uncomfortable, but it’s not my place to try to dictate where she lives. He moved the girl he was cheating on me with into their house less than two months after I left.”
“My best friend has been particularly chummy with my ex and his new girl, and it hurts me to see how close they are when they engage on social media and when she mentions them. Anyway, we were hammering out details of the baby shower and she casually asked if I’d be comfortable with her inviting my ex and his girlfriend.”
“I was honest and told her I wasn’t comfortable with it, not only because I don’t want to be around them, but because the party was going to be at my house and I don’t want them in my home. It was kind of a slap in the face that she had even asked.”
“But when I responded, she became defensive and told me that she’d feel awful not inviting them because they’d been SO SUPPORTIVE and that I was making the day about me when it was supposed to be about her baby.”
“So I told her that the day shouldn’t be about me, she could have it as she wanted it, but I chose to resign from baby shower duties to protect my own peace. I did kind of pettily tell her to ask them to fund and plan the party since they were ‘so supportive’.”
“We haven’t talked in over two months. I’m going to love that baby, and be there for my brother no matter what, but I think I’m recognizing that a long-time friend isn’t necessarily a good friend, and I need to cut ties.”
“AITA for stepping away from the shower and the friendship?”
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
“I cancelled my role in hosting my best friend’s baby shower. I may be thinking too much of myself instead of what’s best for the baby, my friend, or my brother.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO – more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) for stepping away.
“NTA… it sounds like when you and your ex-fiancé broke up, he got custody of her when the friends divided. It’s hard to swallow, but it sounds like it’s time to move on.” ~ Appropriate-Mall9781
“NTA, why you’d want a selfish person as a friend is beyond me. Your best friend stayed with your ex because it’s easier for her.”
“As she lives with them, it would be difficult for her to exclude them. However, that’s not your problem.”
“Your friend is so selfish she doesn’t care that you’re putting your effort and resources into this baby shower which is at your home, your sanctuary. She doesn’t give AF that he hurt you, and there is zero reason you need him in your life.”
“OP, this woman isn’t a friend. Your brother is stable—the baby won’t suffer from not getting gifts if you cancel this shower.”
“You need to realise that all she is to you is your brother’s baby mama.” ~ Kami_Sang
“I’d get a DNA test if I were the brother.” ~ rebelpaddy27
“She baby trapped him, for sure. She had that IUD removed.” ~ No-Strawberry-5804
“OP’s ex could also be the dad. He’s a cheater, and she’s apparently pro cheater.” ~ invisiblizm
“As soon as I read that she stayed with the ex I immediately jumped to this conclusion too.” ~ LadyHorseFace13
“NTA. First things first, your brother doesn’t sign any paperwork for that baby until after a paternity test is completed. Your ex cheated on you. She was living with him when you guys broke up.”
“Now she’s pregnant by your brother, but still super close to your ex and his new girl? That’s sus as all hell.”
“Especially since April was only about 9 months ago. How far along is this girl and when did she hook up with your brother?”
“She was living alone with OP’s ex for 2 months before his other girl moved in. For all we know, she’s been sleeping with all of them, but since brother is ‘stable,’ let’s foist the kid on him.” ~ ForbiddenButStuff
“NTA, she’s been the a**hole since the moment she chose to continue living with your ex. And then again when he moved his side-piece into your place and she stayed. And then again when she tried to invite them to the shower at your house.”
“She just doesn’t sound like a good friend, and honestly, it’s better for you to stop considering her a best friend.” ~ Dabbles-In-Irony
“Why the f*ck is this black hole of a person your friend at all, let alone your best friend? Deadbeat mom, leeching off everyone, disrespecting you with your ex. I ask this genuinely, do you have any self respect? Like, at all?” ~ No-Strawberry-5804
Some did admonish OP for encouraging a relationship between her brother and her friend.
“YTA for facilitating this relationship, JFC. Do you even love your brother?” ~ Escerwire
“So on top of the fact that your ‘best friend of 22 years’ is a selfish, immature, irresponsble deadbeat mother who chose to live with the guy who cheated on you and the woman he did it with (and has apparently become close friends with them), she’s also an alcoholic.”
“JFC, choose better friends. And you were ‘over the moon’ when she baby-trapped your successful brother. Both of you sound less mature than most teenagers I know.” ~ Sorry_I_Guess
“And she was happy that her friend that can’t honor her obligations, or take care of herself, or her mental health, or the kid she already had, was with her brother‽‽ I can understand being friends with someone who has sh*t mental health, but I wouldn’t want that friend to start dating one of my siblings.” ~ girlikecupcake
“Yeah, like why the f*ck is OP over the moon that their trainwreck of a friend finally got with her brother? The friend refuses to get treated for mental health issues and apparently finds reasons to neglect her obligations and that’s what you want your brother to end up with‽‽”
“The only person I feel bad for in this story is the kids and maybe the brother.” ~ staticstart
“YTA, with very low standards for your family. You’re thrilled that a mother whose 1st kid hates her because she’s neglectful, a leech who prefers to sleep rather than work, who uses others, who refuses to get treatment to get well, who sided with your sh*tty ex is having a baby with your own brother? Do you even love your brother?” ~ Fearless-Speech-1131
“Sorry, but you kinda asked for it. How could you be excited that she ended up with your super stable brother when she is such a red flag with mental health issues whose own kid wouldn’t see her?”
“Suddenly, she is a red flag, after being your bestie for decades. Because she wanted to invite your ex-fiancé. Everyone sucks here.” ~ residentcaprice
It sounds like OP probably should have ended what sounds like a one-way friendship years ago.