Having a baby is not an easy process.
So many expectant parents need all of the help they can get.
Every little bit of assistance goes a long way.
But just because someone is willing to help doesn’t mean they’re obligated to sign over their lives.
Certain people take advantage of the help of others.
Redditor Desperate_Donkey2212 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not canceling plans to be there for the birth of a ‘friend’s’ baby?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So I (27 F[emale]) reconnected with a childhood acquaintance (29 F) recently when she moved to my city.”
“My dad and her mom used to work together.”
“We weren’t close growing up, but when she moved to my city around 5 months pregnant, she reached out.”
“I know how lonely it can be to move somewhere new, so I agreed to hang out and tried to help her settle in.”
“When I moved here, I didn’t know anyone either.”
“And now I’m the only one she knows.”
“At first, it was fine, I did little things like I drove her to look at apartments (she didn’t have a car), helped her run errands, and my dad even built her furniture when she got an apartment.”
“My dad came to visit me for the weekend, and we spent it helping her settle in.”
“She has no support system, the baby’s dad is out of the picture, and she’s unemployed (not sure how she’s funding everything).”
“I genuinely wanted to be kind and supportive.”
“I even introduced her to some of my friends, and she was so rude to them and then wouldn’t stop talking poorly about them.”
“But then things escalated.”
“She started demanding I go with her everywhere… doctor’s appointments, grocery shopping, even to get nails done.”
“She started jokingly calling the baby ‘our baby’ because I’ve been around so much.”
“She’ll say things like ‘our baby is craving fries from McDonald’s’ and beg me to get them for her.”
“She even offers to pay me.”
“She refuses to use meal delivery apps because she doesn’t trust that they won’t do something to the food, she says.”
“This has been going on FOR MONTHS!!”
“Fast forward: I’m a bridesmaid in my best friend’s wedding and flying home (Puerto Rico) for 4 weeks to help with the shower, rehearsal, wedding, and even organizing her closet in her husband’s apartment while she’s on her honeymoon (they won’t live together until after the wedding).”
“When my acquaintance came over and saw me packing, she lost it.”
“She said I never told her about my trip.”
“She said she was counting on me to be there for the birth (which will definitely happen while I’m away, I leave tomorrow, and she’s ready to pop any minute), and even expected me to MOVE IN with her for the first month after the baby was born to ‘help out,’ since I have nanny experience.”
“She also told me she was planning on me watching the baby on the days I work from home (2 days of the week).”
“I told her I wasn’t canceling my flight or shortening my trip, and now she’s furious, saying I’m abandoning her and the baby.”
“That I’m all they have.”
“She’s posting about me on social media, saying I betrayed her.”
“Her mom, who lives in our state, just 4.5 hours away, is commenting and encouraging her.”
“I told my mother about this, and she also said I was a bad friend to leave her and her baby when they need me, that she agrees moving in is a lot, but I should be there during birth, only travel for the wedding, and then come back to help with meals, etc.”
“And told me she won’t be picking me up at the airport tomorrow because she knows I’ll do the right thing.”
“The OP was left to wonder:”
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“What kind of Fatal Attraction gaslighting nonsense is this??”
“No, you’re NTA.”
“You did not agree to be this woman’s life partner.”
“You did not agree to be her live-in nanny for the first month.”
“You did not agree to share this baby with her.”
“I mean, do you really even consider her a friend?”
“You are under no obligation to do anything for this woman, and it is absolutely insane that she and your mothers seem to think the fact that you have helped her out in the past somehow makes her entitled to more help from you in the future.”
“This is bizarre, and it’s even more bizarre than both your moms are supporting this insanity!!!”
“NTA, just to reiterate.” ~ Bubbly_Chicken_9358
“Agree with all of this.”
“This person most likely has an undiagnosed personality disorder, and she is sucking you in.”
“None of this is your problem.”
“You need to cut contact because she’s just going to keep sucking you dry and separating you from your actual friends.” ~ Pixedx3
“Your mother is a pushover lol.”
“NTA, leave and use the time away to figure out how to cut this person out of your life forever.”
“Also have a chat with your mom about boundaries and not being a doormat (probably won’t go well, but you can try).” ~ AkiliDaniels
“You have allowed yourself to be sucked into this unhealthy dynamic.”
“You are not this girl’s partner, and she has taken you for granted.”
“You committed to your friend’s wedding, and it seems you are so taken for granted that you weren’t even asked to help with the baby.”
“Now she is posting on social media; you have an opportunity to block her.”
“She can seek support from those who should be helping. NTA.” ~ Individual_Metal_983
“NTA. Your Mom can move in with the unstable lady and her newborn.”
“This situation is bonkers; you need to end it.”
“Do it now, there will never be a good time, but do it now before your life gets completely taken over.” ~ Laines_Ecossaises
“NTA. You need to start laying some hard boundaries NOW, or else this will either escalate or end the friendship.”
“Please don’t miss out on seeing your family because this woman has decided you are all she needs.”
“She needs family and support, and she’s abusing your kindness instead.”
“She needs to move back in with the mommy she’s been tattling on you to if she’s so desperate for help.”
“Also, shut that free babysitting stuff down NOW or else you’re going to find a baby left at your doorstep while she ‘runs errands.'” ~ TheRoadkillRapunzel
“NTA. Go have fun at your best friend’s wedding.”
“When she mentioned your past as a nanny, did she mention paying you, or did she expect you to do all this for free?”
“Besides, what kind of friend decides to drop her baby off with you when you’re working from home?”
“Doesn’t she realize that you’ll be busy working and not be able to care for a baby during that time?”
“No, she’s not your friend; she’s using you.”
“If she wants someone to be there for the baby and help him, that is the baby’s father, and since her mom is on her side, why doesn’t the mom move in with her?” ~ Brave-Fun-7984
“Baby mama doesn’t even have a job!”
“She expects OP to do free childcare while working, while mama does who knows what.”
“NTA and block and run.” ~ shelwood46
“Absolutely NTA.”
“You barely know this woman, yet you went out of your way to be kind and help her out with learning to navigate a new area/situation.”
“Now suddenly you’re expected to upend your life to take care of her and her child?”
“Holy friggin’ entitlement!”
“I’d be telling these moms that they’re more than welcome to go and play babysitter for her and the baby.”
“Not your circus, not your monkeys.” ~ ugh_idfk
“NTA. Even if you were the best of friends, she’s expecting an awful lot.”
“Especially without talking to you first.”
“You didn’t get pregnant.”
“You didn’t move to a new city.”
“You didn’t have a baby alone.”
“You’ve been very generous with your time, but it certainly shouldn’t be taking over your life.”
“Have fun on your trip.”
“Have someone else pick you up at the airport.”
“Block your acquaintance on social media if that will help you enjoy the trip.”
“I don’t know why your mother wants you to get roped in on this nonsense, but now is a good time to set boundaries.”
“When you get back, help her on YOUR terms, not on hers.” ~ PhoenixRisingToday
“NTA, you are not responsible for this woman or her baby.”
“Run fast, run far! “
“Puerto Rico should do it!”
“Seriously, this emotional vampire will suck the marrow from your bones if you let her.”
“She was slagging off your pals in order to put a wedge between you and them and keep you for herself.”
“She’s going to take, take, take, until you have nothing left.”
“Stick to your original plan, and if you’re lucky, she’ll refuse to speak to you when you get back in a month.”
“If she doesn’t cut you off, you need to take a big step back and enforce some boundaries.”
“No moving in.”
“No free nannying.”
“No free babysitting while you are working from home.”
“Enjoy your time back home!” ~ Dimac99
“NTA. You have the perfect way to cut this off. Go!”
“Why is she in your city with no job or family?”
“She has no ties, so she needs to go home to momma.”
“And momma is very weird for wanting you to take care of grandbaby’s birth instead of her being there.”
“If you give in, you will be stuck with this very strange person and raise her baby.”
“Cut her off right now.” ~ dontlikebeige
You have the FULL support of Reddit, OP.
This is A LOT!
You have NO obligation to this woman or her child.
And your Mom’s behavior is also shocking!
You take care of yourself.
Safe travels and good luck!