Not everybody likes being complimented on their looks.
Some people are very sensitive when discussing their bodies, no matter how innocent the commentary. This can make for some very awkward public encounters.
Redditor Awkward-Plantain649 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA. I (32 F[emale]) complimented a female nurse during an OBGYN appointment for having nice arm muscles, and she snapped at me?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (32 F) complimented a female nurse during an OBGYN appointment for having nice arm muscles.”
“She was very bothered by my comment for some reason, which I am trying to wrap my head around.”
“She went on and on saying that most people working on themselves at the gym have serious mental health issues and are working out to channel through it and not to ‘look nice.’”
“I apologized and told her I meant no harm and that I simply admired her for looking strong.”
“She kept getting angrier, and I just stopped responding.”
“I left the office feeling really confused.”
“Any input would be greatly appreciated from this awkward human who was just trying to socialize.”
“I’d like to add that she was wearing the type of scrubs with cap sleeves that specifically show off your upper arms.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“I guarantee you most people at the gym don’t go there because they have mental health issues, so that tangent tells you more about the nurse and why she reacted the way she did.”
“So your perfectly innocent comment hit the wrong note, you apologized, and you moved on. NAH.” ~ RandomNick42
“I disagree.”
“Everything but the NAH was spot on.”
“The nurse’s rant in response was uncalled for.”
“We’re taught to be professional during bedside manner, that does not mean flying off the handle at a patient who dared to call a woman strong.”
“OP was in a vulnerable position when she snapped; that’s a terrible look on the nurse and the practice.” ~ ryeong
“100% agree.”
“Humans are supposed to be social.”
“As a guy, I have had women randomly pay a compliment, even the odd male, and it always makes my day.”
“It could be about my cologne, my outfit, hair, etc.”
“I don’t know if you are getting offended by someone showing you kindness; that is sad, and you really do have something to work on.”
“We shouldn’t try and prohibit people from spreading positivity.” ~ Cudi_buddy
“NTA. Nothing wrong with saying ‘nice guns’ to someone.’
“Who TF brings up mental health issues because they got complimented for their muscles?”
“I suppose, probably someone with mental health issues, but damn.”
“Quite an overreaction.” ~ BruceDubya
“Gentle ESH.”
“As others have pointed out, it’s best not to compliment strangers’ bodies.”
“This is especially true at a person’s place of work.”
‘I might compliment someone’s outfit, hair, or even eyes, but muscles are more intimate.”
“That said, her reaction was really over the top.”
“Going off on you about her mental health struggles was weird and unprofessional.”
“She could have just said, ‘Hey, I don’t love comments on my body, even if they are complimentary.’”
“Instead, she kept berating you even after you apologized.”
“There is simply no reason to go through life with such a chip on your shoulder.”
“Shake it off, avoid these comments in the future, and know that this woman’s reaction says more about her than it does about you.” ~ UnhingedLawyer
“I gently disagree.”
“I think this is a NAH situation.”
“It’s not cool to talk about others’ bodies, but complimenting someone when they appear to be actively modifying their body seems like it should be welcomed, in the same way it’s ok to compliment their style.”
“There was no way OP could have predicted that reaction, but it’s also reasonable that the nurse was super uncomfortable with OP commenting on what she sees as a physical manifestation of her mental health issues.”
“Situation just sucked.” ~ FinancialRip2008
“I work out almost every day.”
“I wear sleeveless shirts all the time.”
“If someone complimented me on my arms, I would never forget it.”
“A woman said I had gorgeous legs when I was at the grocery store in the summer, and I still feel great about it.”
“Thank you, random woman, for complimenting me.”
“I would love it if a patient complimented me!” ~ Still7Superbaby7
“NTA. lol what is wrong with the people saying you shouldn’t give compliments like that?”
“The nurse seems like a real weirdo.”
“What a strange assumption about why people work out, and how rude to not just take the compliment and move on, but to make you feel like some kind of a**hole.” ~ GimmeDatSideHug
“NTA – The amount of ‘don’t ever comment on people’s bodies’ in this thread seems strange to me.”
“Derogatory comments, compliments based on sexual interests, or physical traits outside of the person’s natural control, sure, don’t do those ever.”
“But compliments based on things that clearly involve significant work to accomplish with clear intent to celebrate the accomplishment?”
“Great physical physique, well-maintained hair, tans, fashionable nails, for example.”
“Plenty of people put significant effort into these things, and a compliment recognizing that effort can go a long way to brightening someone’s day.”
“Even if I personally don’t care about compliments and have my own personal reasons for accomplishing something with my body, I shouldn’t get upset at someone over my personal issues over an obviously well-intended compliment.”
“This nurse is clearly going through something and needs to deal with their own emotions without taking it out on others.” ~ Phaithos
“Sounds like she has those muscles because she has to go to the gym a lot to deal with bad mental health.”
“I can see how she wouldn’t like the comment on her body, even if you meant well.”
“Just don’t comment on people’s bodies, you never know what’s going on in their lives.” ~ Hnossa-444
“You are most certainly NTA.”
“Some people are extremely insecure and have low self-esteem and want to make it everyone else’s problem.”
“It was an innocent comment, and it really isn’t about looks.”
“It takes time, effort, and discipline to get strong- recognizing that and complimenting it isn’t an insult or problem.”
“You ran across someone with some issues, move on.”
“No need to change your behavior or willingness to complement another woman or self-examine too hard.”
“You did nothing wrong.” ~ 90smeangirl
“NAH. I’d say it’s risky to compliment somebody on something most people don’t typically comment on.”
“You just don’t know how people will take it.”
“Hair, makeup, clothes are one thing.”
“Past that, it gets a little weird and risky.”
“That said, some people will take offense at anything/are looking for a reason to be mad, or are just in a bad mood.”
“Or just caught them off guard.”
“Risky for you.”
“She could have just taken the compliment and moved on, since it sounds like you gave it authentically.”
“So I’m going with just a communication misalignment socially here.” ~ alvehyanna
“NAH, but commenting on people’s bodies is always a very risky endeavor.”
“You don’t know what people are dealing with.”
“A couple of examples: someone saw a photo of me recently and gushed over how beautiful my hair was.”
“What she didn’t know was that it was taken right before I lost all my hair, and 6 years later, it never grew back the way it was.”
“I miss my hair desperately, and while I’ve come to terms with it still stings.”
“Every time someone comments about how beautiful my hair used to be, it’s a reminder of what I went through, and what I lost.”
“I also had someone make a comment once about how great I looked, how I’ve lost weight, etc.”
“I lost weight because I had cancer, and the radiation was making it feel like I was swallowing knives anytime I tried to eat solid food. It didn’t feel like a compliment.”
“It’s important to remember the recipient of a comment gets to decide if something is a compliment or not.”
“It doesn’t matter what your intention was.” ~ K_Knoodle13
“NTA. That’s a massive overreaction to a compliment, and recognition of the hard work and discipline it takes to have well-defined muscles.”
“I should know.”
“I’m a crossfitter and ex-bodybuilder – F.”
“You were being genuinely kind.”
“Don’t stop being you.”
“You did absolutely nothing wrong, and you apologized when it was clear she was unhappy with the comment.”
“The fact that she wouldn’t let it go is what makes her the a**hole.” ~ Dtazlyon
“NTA, she sounds completely nuts.”
“Just for your information, if someone acts like that, you can ask for another staff member rather than putting up with a hostile attitude and oversharing about mental health problems.”
“I’d be thrilled if someone noticed my arm muscles at work.” ~ Invisible_Friend1
“NTA. She is mistaken that most people at the gym have serious mental issues.”
“I compliment women all the time and usually ask what they do (row/climb/box/strength training/etc) to turn it into a conversation, and not even once have I received that response.” ~ SnoopRhino
“NTA. She is projecting her own mental health issues on the rest of the world.”
“I would complain to the doctor about it.” ~ nom-d-pixel
Reddit is 100% with you, OP.
You had no malicious intent.
Her reaction has nothing to do with you.
Try not to let it bother you.
Stay strong.