Married couples are always advised to be aware of how both people feel about having children and being intimate, as disagreements about both of these subjects tend to swiftly end relationships.
But a topic people don’t give enough credit for wrecking relationships is money management, and when two people can’t agree about how to manage their finances, the relationship will likely fail, pointed out the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Cherry_Rose69 had received a small family inheritance and was okay with using some of it to help her husband get out of debt, as long as he paid her the funds back.
But when he hadn’t paid her a cent, and then expected her to use more of her inheritance to co-sign on a truck he wanted, the Original Poster (OP) did not feel comfortable sharing more of that money.
She asked the sub:
“AIO for refusing to co-sign my husband’s dream truck loan when he still owes me $8,000 from my family inheritance?”
The OP received a small family inheritance that her husband partially used.
“I (33 Female) got a modest inheritance when my grandma passed last year.”
“I used $8,000 of it to bail my husband (35 Male) out of some credit card debt.”
“We agreed he’d pay me back over time, no pressure, but so far I’ve gotten nothing back.”
The OP did not want to share more of her inheritance until it was repaid.
“Yesterday, he came home all excited about a new truck, priced at $55,000, and asked me to co-sign because his credit isn’t great.”
“I said no, because he hasn’t even started paying me back, and because we just bought new appliances and are saving for a house.”
“He blew up, said I was ‘holding money over his head,’ and that I was ‘not supporting his dreams.'”
“He even threw in that, ‘a wife should back her husband no matter what.'”
The OP did not agree with what her husband had to say.
“I told him flat out that, until I see him make an effort to pay me back, I’m not co-signing anything.”
“Now he’s barely speaking to me, and my mother-in-law (MIL) texted that I’m ’emasculating him’ by doing this to him.”
“I feel guilty because I know he wants this truck badly, but I also feel like I’d be an idiot to sign.”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that she deserved more respect from her husband and MIL.
“No. NOR. He and the MIL can kick rocks. They’re using you and don’t respect you.”
“They’re also ascribing to these toxic masculinity ideals that just do not work and never have. ‘A wife should back her husband no matter what…’ Uh, h**l no.”
“If you are in the wrong, you don’t get support, and your partner of all people should be able to be the one to call your bulls**t.” – RPG_addict
“I’m curious why his mommy didn’t just co-sign the loan for him.”
“Is her credit not that great, or does she possibly know that her little junior son of a b***h is irresponsible as f**k also?”
“It’s RICH to me when people expect others to do things that they will not.” – GardenHobbit
“I wasn’t even thinking family annihilator until I heard about the MIL. OP is emasculating him because she won’t be his cash cow?”
“Completely irrational and a window into why he can’t function as a responsible adult (embarrassing).”
“What other behaviors did she condone over the years? Man-children are straight up dangerous, and you don’t want to stick around for them to ‘prove their masculinity’ in a violent way. Hopefully he’s not named on any life insurance policies.” – Ok_Working_7061
“Actually, I can’t help but feel like there are more serious underlying issues than him just wanting a new truck. He’s frivolous with money, he doesn’t feel like he needs to pay you back, he accuses you of disrespecting him by not co-signing his loan, he runs to mommy when he’s upset, and she then accuses you of ’emasculating’ him…”
“There are a LOT of red flags here that run way deeper than a shiny new toy.” – Ok_Childhood_9774
Others agreed and urged the OP not to change her mind and co-sign.
“So basically, he has a dream truck that he can’t afford.”
“Theoretically, you are trying to buy a house, but his actions say otherwise. He will be pumping every spare dollar into the truck he can’t afford, while continuing to ignore his debt to you and the house plans.”
“Definitely don’t co-sign his financial irresponsibility. This is the time to get on the same page with money.” – Virtual-Squirrel-725
“Who you choose as your partner is the most important financial decision you will make in your life. Do people not talk in depth about their attitudes regarding money, savings, and their future? (Stupid question. I know they don’t.)”
“I hope OP doesn’t have children with this person. Boys and their toys.” – David_R_Martin_It
“NOR. My ex didn’t take care of his vehicles and got mad when I refused to let him drive mine. He wanted to buy my cousin’s car when her husband died, so I wrote the check from my account, she put it solely in my name.”
“He was furious, I just said, you repay me, I’ll transfer it to your name. Took him four years and filing for divorce before he finally repaid me to get the car in his name.”
“Then he turned around and bought a new car before the divorce was finalized, trying to make me responsible for half the loan payments.” – No_Anxiety6159
“My ex-husband was like this, too. He had a new midlife crisis every two years and needed a new vehicle; meanwhile, I was driving something 8 vehicles behind in our purchases. He didn’t care.”
“Your hubby can’t afford a dream truck, plain and simple. So, even if he pays you the 8k back, and I doubt he will, don’t co-sign anything.”
“Speak to a lawyer. You don’t want to be commingling your inheritance funds with your matrimonial assets. This man is not going to support your dreams; he will just bleed you dry.” – Noidentitytoday5
Some urged the OP to leave the relationship before investing more money.
“OP, perhaps now is a good time to evaluate your relationship with him. What’s the rest of your life like with him? Seek some guidance from a therapist if your insurance covers it. Like many have mentioned, you are still young and time moves quickly.” – Vs_Prem_Challenger
“OP. I know this is hard to read and probably even harder to accept. This is going to become an albatross around your neck and continue pulling you down.”
“You will not see that 8k. And the new appliances? Whose idea? And then the MIL is inserting herself because her baby went and whined to her?”
“Take everything the other posters have advised. There are way too many of us who have dealt with the same problems before you, but we didn’t have Reddit.” – Vivid_Percentage5560
“Don’t work on anything and don’t make any big purchases. Listen to the posters who are suggesting you get out and away from this guy and his mother.”
“The longer you stay, the longer you’re going to be unhappy and the more permanent damage you’re going to incur. You are being used.” – Sussler
“OP, you are NOT over-reacting. Take the advice from this poster now before your life gets worse.”
“Never, ever co-sign anything for anyone, as it is likely that a person with poor credit, who needs a debt co-signed, will be unable to keep up payments, and you will end up with that debt. You’ve already bailed him out once and lost 8k, do you really want to be stuck with another 55k of debt?”
“The fact that he’s whining to his mom about it is telling. He has no respect for you; he sees you only as a source of money. Best to leave before he drains everything from you.” – Embarrassed-Shock621
“I hate to break it to you, but I was married to a guy like this. Odds are, he is not going to change, and he is going to drag you down financially with him. Do not give him another cent or co-sign anything with this man, even a house. You should not co-own assets with someone like this.”
“Where does this go? He already has bad credit and borrowed money from you, which he’s not paying back. With the truck, he’s trying to make even worse financial decisions. And don’t even get me started on your MIL. She can co-sign if she wants baby boy to have that truck.”
“The best place to go is to the court. And file to start a divorce. This man is going to ruin your future. He won’t change. Even if you alone saved for and bought a house, he would be a co-owner, because you are married. (Refer to your state laws to be sure about community property.) If he defaults on debt, they could put a lien on your house.”
“Please, please, please listen to someone who has been through exactly this. Husband has bad credit. I co-signed truck loans. He destroyed our lives, and a decade post-divorce, I am still living with the fallout on my credit report. I’ve been paying more for EVERYTHING – car loans, insurance, etc.”
“Get out now.” – Queasy-Trash8292
The subreddit was angry on the OP’s behalf, and while everyone urged her not to co-sign for the truck, some went so far as to hope that she would stop investing in this relationship entirely before it cost her much more than it was worth.
The money that hadn’t been repaid, the demands for co-signing, an overly involved mother-in-law, and the disrespect all had price tags, and those were all on top of the money the OP was trying to save up for a house. If she tried to save up for a house while single, she might be surprised to see how much faster the whole process went without him.