There’s little more stressful than the possibility of cancelling a trip.
After all, one can’t help but be disappointed at the prospect of having to call off something that might have taken months of planning and saving.
Of course, sometimes we really have no other choice, no matter how much we were looking forward to it.
Even if we might look for every possible reason to justify moving forward with the trip.
Redditor Additional_Way_2101was looking forward to an upcoming family vacation.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP)’s wife wasn’t sure if she would be capable of joining them.
While the OP sympathized with his wife, he was also determined to go on this vacation with their daughter, even if it meant leaving his wife at home.
Wondering if he would be wrong for doing so, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITAH for telling my wife my daughter and I are going on vacation with or without her.”
The OP explained why he was determined to go on an upcoming vacation, even without his wife:
“I (45 M[ale]) and my wife (40 F[emale]) (married 15 years) have not had a great relationship with my family.”
“Recently an opportunity arose allowing us all to go to Hawaii for 10 days.”
“We are from the Midwest and not rich by any means so this is most likely our last/only opportunity to go visit the islands.”
“Our flights and lodging would be paid for, we just have to pay for our food, acitivies and local travel (car rental, Uber, etc).”
“Our daughter (6, will be 7 before the trip) loves everybody, and especially one of the cousins that would be going on the trip.”
“My wife has always had anxiety issues and specifically flight anxiety.”
“A week after saying she would go has started having panic attacks and crying fits because she ‘cannot do this long of a flight’ I tell her that is fine, however, our daughter and I are going because this is my last opportunity to go and may be our daughters only chance.”
“Wife says she cannot go that long without our daughter which causes her more anxiety.”
“I suggested going to the doctor to ask for medication to help with the flight when it happens (March), but she is suffering now, when I suggest asking the doctor about meds for now she says that she would then have anxiety about the withdrawal symptoms of coming off those medications after the trip.”
“This is really the only time I have made a decision like this and was unwilling to move off of it.”
“I feel horrible for my wife, but I also believe it’s best for my daughter.”
“Wife and daughter have both flown before.”
“This past February was my daughter’s first plane tri,p and she did amazing.”
“My wife was nervous but handled the 2-hour trip just fine.”
“No overwhelming anxiety or panic attacks.”
“That trip was to Disney World with the same people and family that the Hawaii trip is planned with.”
“The issue with my family is feelings both my wife and I share, not her solely her issues with my family, our issues with them.”
“To be broad about the situation, they have been less than ideal in key moments in my life.”
“So AITAH and should rethink going on this trip without my wife, or should I keep the tickets hoping she will go with us and if she doesn’t go keep in contact with her via FaceTime and pictures?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP would not be the a**hole for going to Hawaii without his wife.
While nearly everyone agreed that the anxiety of the OP’s wife seemed to be a serious issue that should be looked into further, they also agreed that the OP’s daughter shouldn’t be deprived of this experience:
“NTA.”
“Her anxiety is a real issue, but it’s not fair for her to hold your daughter back from a once-in-a-lifetime experience.”
“The fear of withdrawal from a short-term prescription sounds like an excuse to avoid dealing with the actual problem.”
“You’re doing the right thing for your kid.”- iamderangedwolf
“NTA.”
“Her anxiety is her issue, and her daughter’s life should not be negatively impacted by it.”- spirosoflondon
“Your wife’s anxiety is valid, but she’s had plenty of time to address it before the trip in March.”
“This is a rare opportunity for your daughter to experience Hawaii and bond with family.”
“Maybe suggest your wife talk to a therapist who specializes in flight anxiety rather than just medication?”
“There are specific techniques they teach for this exact situation.”
“Either way, don’t let your daughter miss out on memories she could cherish forever just because your wife refuses to get help for her anxiety.”
“The fact that she’s rejecting all solutions makes me think there might be something else going on.”
“NTA.”- bodoboi
“NTA.”
“Your daughter shouldn’t have to suffer and miss out on quality time with family, a trip of a lifetime & amazing quality time with you!”
“Just because of a health condition, your wife is refusing to take accountability for and manage.”
“This is on her.”- Spilldbeanz99
“NTA.”
“Your wife sure has anxiety issues.”
“It’s not even about the flight itself.”
“On a side note: it might not even be anxiety, but manipulation.”
“You said you haven’t had a great relationship with your family, so maybe your wife overplays her anxiety in order to keep you guys from going?”
“Is it possible that she tries to keep you from the family she can not stand?”
“You said this might be a once-in-a-lifetime chance for you.”
“What your wife is probably unintentionally doing here: causing you to have growing resentment towards her, as every solution you bring up is immediately being shot down.”
“Trip to Hawaii?”
“No!”
“Wife has scare of flying.”
“Get medication?”
“No!”
“Wife is scared now!”
“Ask the doctor?”
“No!”
“Get medication for scare now?”
“No!”
“Stay behind, and OP travels with daughter?”
“No!”
“Wife can’t be without her daughter!”
“Only solution: miss out on the trip, grow resentment towards your wife!”
“I bet she did not even realize that danger!”- Top-Spite-1288
“NTA.”
“Your wife knows that she has anxiety but is unwilling to do anything about it.”
“Allowing your condition to dictate your life’s choices when there are obvious solutions is cowardice.”
“Don’t let your wife’s cowardice spoil this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for you.”-KronkLaSworda
“NTA.”
“I, too, suffer from flight anxiety and was very anxious for the flight when we went to Hawaii.”
“It was 6 hours for me, and that was the longest flight I’ve been on yet.”
“I took Dramamine right before takeoff.”
‘I had a great nap, and before I knew it, we were there.”
“It helped me so much.”- Common-Edge5951
“NTA.”
“This trip would be next March 2026?”
“So, wife has at least six months to see a doctor and discuss her anxiety.”
“Your wife’s anxiety cannot control your lives, and right now, she is letting it do so.”
“Your child is only 7.”
“If she cannot be without her for 10 days, what is your wife going to do as she grows and does not want to be around mom 24/7?”
“I would not ask, I would demand that she sees a doctor, and I don’t think she would come off any medication anytime soon if it is prescribed.”- Worth-Season3645
The OP later returned with an update, sharing where things stood after discussing this matter further with his wife:
“On lunch, I talked with my wife; this conversation went way better than last night during the panic attack.”
“Much calmer and she was much more receptive to suggestions.”
“I suggested therapy again and was met with ‘we cannot afford it’ and I countered with ‘I will find a way to afford it so you can have the tools you need to process your anxiety’.”
“Then, with what we don’t have time, to which I replied, I have vacation days and a boss who is super flexible with my working hours.”
“The mentioned talking to her pcp about taking another look at her medications, to which she has an appointment later this month for a general checkup, and said she will talk to the doctor then about the medications and her anxiety.”
“Thanks to this thread, I even mentioned CBD, which I didn’t get a reaction, but that could be a good thing as it wasn’t an outright refusal.”
“So no real decisions have been made, but I did get some really good points made to me on here.”
‘Some guiding me on how to approach her on this and how she may feel in order to empathize.”
“Some posts encouraging me that holding a boundary for the first time is difficult and uncomfortable.”
“Some posts offering suggestions on different approaches to suggest to her to help cope.”
It seems clear that the fear of flying from the OP’s wife stems from a much bigger issue that she will need professional help to solve.
However, it wouldn’t be fair to anyone if the OP and their daughter cancelled the trip to Hawaii before these issues were solved.
Who knows, perhaps seeing how she feels missing out on this once-in-a-lifetime experience might be just what she needs to overcome her fear of flying.