When kids grow up and leave home, many parents don’t take it well.
They try to hold on as tight as they can.
This can often lead adult children to run farther and faster.
All of this can culminate in a lot of heart feelings.
Redditor amelia_larsen wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to give my parents my location after they stopped paying for my tuition?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I [19 F[eamle]] am a sophomore in college.”
“Until last semester, my parents were paying for about 3/4 of my tuition and my housing.”
“However, they insisted I use the Life360 app, showing my location to them at all times.”
“It wasnt optimal, but I figured it’s up to them since they’re paying for me.”
“Over the holidays, however, my dad and I had a huge argument because I changed my major from Biology to Nursing.”
“He told me I was throwing away a bigger opportunity, but I feel like I can help more people this way.”
“Since then, I’ve had to start working two jobs and take out multiple student loans.”
“I pay for everything now; my parents give me $0.”
“Anyways, last weekend I went on a roadtrip to another state, and my mom started texting me nonstop, demanding to know why I was in another state.”
“I had forgotten about the tracking app at this point.”
“I realized that’s how they knew, and I just deleted the app.”
“Then came the calls from both my parents, both of them saying how dangerous it is for me not be tracked by them all the time.”
“I told them I’m paying for my own life now, I value my privacy, and I don’t feel comfortable with the app.”
“This has really infuriated my dad and upset my mom because she thinks I’m trying to cut them off completely or something.”
“They said if I don’t turn it back on, that I’m not welcome at Thanksgiving this year.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“They tried to sabotage OP’s education, because OP is an individual who isn’t just an extension of them.”
“If OP wasn’t able to get the jobs lined up, OP could really be struggling.”
“Potentially nowhere to live, nowhere to work, no degree, and no plan of what to do.”
“She’s a struggling 19F – easy for someone to take advantage of her also.”
“They apparently didn’t care.”
“If I’m OP, I start to think whether I SHOULD cut them off.” ~ ErikLovemonger
“Exactly. OP was supposed to struggle, then came back crying for help, willing to do what the major dad wanted.”
“This was about control, but they overplayed their hand and underestimated OP.” ~ rescuesquad704
“I’m a nurse, and you’d always be welcome at my Thanksgiving.”
“When they call for medical advice, tell them you can’t give that out to people you don’t know their (medical) history, as they’re not your patients and can’t help. NTA.” ~ Legitimate-Oil-6325
“100%. I’m a social worker, so obviously not an expert in ‘choosing a lucrative career path,’ but I’ve been looking into going back to school when my kids are older, trying to get into something with better financial prospects.”
“Nursing seems like the best option BY FAR.”
“Long hours, thankless, mentally draining, sure.”
“But all of the nurses I know have never struggled to find a job or pay their mortgages.”
“All of them either found a specialty, or really quickly worked up to charge nurse/union rep/whatever extra that led to higher pay.”
“My niece just graduated from nursing school, and as a baby nurse, she’s already making more than I do as a social worker with an advanced degree who’s been in the field for over a decade.”
“It bothers me that anyone would turn up their nose at a career in nursing.”
“It’s a fantastic choice.” ~ butt_butt_butt_butt_
“1st, they cut off their 19-year-old child, and now they are complaining that their child has cut off her relationship with parents.”
“What a load of crap.”
“NTA. They think they own you.” ~ jimrynne
“NTA – Your change of major makes sense, and your parents are very shortsighted.”
“There are way more job opportunities for a nurse in and out of a hospital setting than there are for biology majors.”
“Thanksgiving is almost a year away, and I’m sure a friend will invite you to celebrate with their family.” ~ Truebeliever-14
“A friend majored in English, taught H[igh] S[chool] for a couple of years, decided she wanted to be a doctor, took the required labs classes in night school (she was in Boston, so plenty of good unis to choose from), aced them, went to an Ivy League med school and has been practicing and teaching medicine for years. It ain’t over till it’s over.”
“I also have a cousin who’s a nurse (R[egistred] N[urse]) and has never wanted for a job. She pretty much has her pick.”
“OP is NTA, and her parents are controlling and very short-sighted.” ~ One-Employee9235
“Your dad is mad at you for switching to an employable major from one that was likely unemployable?”
“That is wild.”
“You’re 19.”
“This is your call. NTA.” ~ Stunning_Patience_78
“Don’t turn it on and don’t go for Thanksgiving.”
“They are trying to retain control of your life, and you are trying to become a fully independent adult.”
“You’re paying your own way.”
“You don’t have to put up with this.”
“Have Thanksgiving with friends.” ~ Straight_Coconut_317
“NTA. If you and your parents made a deal that they would pay 75% of your expenses in exchange for you having the tracking app, that is a deal you are allowed to make.”
“The deal has ended.”
“You are an adult.”
“Nobody has a right to any personal information you don’t wish to give them.”
“If you don’t want to give your parents your constant physical location, don’t.” ~ TurtleShapedCactiPot
“Enjoy your career as a nurse.”
“You will have high-paying jobs your entire life and will never worry about finding work.”
“You will be able to live wherever you want; there will always be jobs.”
“Biology can lead to great careers, too, but is FAR more unstable.”
“Skip Thanksgiving.”
“Enjoy your freedom and hopefully your parents come to their senses.” ~ wantondavis
“NTA. I get why the parents like the tracking app, in light of the increasing number of gun shootings at college campuses.”
“But also, ask them if they were tracked like this when they were in college?”
“And did they survive and have a good relationship with their own parents??”
“Just because we have the technology doesn’t mean it’s helpful in the long run.” ~ marigoldpossum
“NTA. You’re an adult; you honestly didn’t need to have the tracker app in the first place.”
“I know some people may see it as a safety thing (which I don’t really agree with), but it’s still up to you to have it or not. It feels like the kind of thing you only turn on when you think you could be going somewhere dangerous.” ~ WeAreInfested
“NTA. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this because this is abusive behavior on the part of your parents.”
“They never had the right to know where you were at all times, even when they WERE supporting you with tuition.”
“You’re an adult woman, and one really has nothing to do with the other.”
“But I’m glad you took this opportunity to assert your independence.”
“Please hold firm!” ~ gp2115two
“Stand your ground and enjoy Thanksgiving with your friends.”
“Your parents are entirely too controlling, and you need to break free.”
“You are an adult.”
“They aren’t tracking for safety, but to control you.”
“That’s why they immediately cut off your payment for your education. NTA.” ~ wanderlusting___
“NTA. They stopped paying your tuition to punish you for not doing what they want.”
“They are threatening not invite you to Thanksgiving because you removed the app.”
“All this is about control and them not getting what they want.” ~ IcySavings101
“NTA. They cut you off financially and forced you to act like an independent adult, so you are being an independent adult.”
“If the only thing they can think of to threaten you with is a holiday that’s 10 months away, they may be realizing they have to wrap their heads around having an adult child.”
“Having an adult child is a big adjustment for a parent.”
“With adults, you have to have a relationship they enjoy too, or they can walk away.”
“Relationship by threat isn’t so effective anymore.”
“They need to grow up and adjust to the new reality they created.” ~ Sweet_Cinnabonn
“Enjoy Thanksgiving with friends.”
“I don’t understand parents not allowing their children to grow up and leave the nest.”
“It seems you have your life under control and don’t need the constant supervision of your parents.”
“Perhaps this will help them understand you are an adult and are making the right decisions for you and your life. NTA.” ~ Winnie-Pooh2020
“Enjoy your Thanksgiving with friends!”
“They used money to control you as well.”
“Now that it’s off the table, they’ve got nothing, don’t give them back any power.”
“Hey, ready for some emotional manipulation attempts next?”
“Hold strong.”
“These are the type of parents that will wonder why you eventually went N[o] C[ontact]. NTA.” ~ hopelesscaribou
“NTA. They’re afraid that you’re going to cut them off, so they banish you from holidays?”
“Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy.”
“They’re the AHs, and they’re also kinda dumb for pushing you away when they’re afraid of you distancing from them.”
“I would let them know that I understand and I’ll make other plans for Thanksgiving this year so I don’t impose on them.” ~ MissMalTheSpongeGal
Reddit is with you, OP.
You have to live your own life.
Your parents can’t control you.
You deserve to be free and happy.
Good Luck.