Mom Balks When Dieting Husband Claims She's 'Neglecting' Him By Making Him Cook His Own Dinner

A mother who had been struggling to plan meals for her family based on individual needs reached her wit's end when her husband made a comment that was the last straw.

Her reaction didn't go down so well, and it prompted her to visit the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit where she sought judgment fromt strangers online.

There, Redditor throwawaynotcooking asked:

"AITA for telling my husband to make his own meals?"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"So, for context, we're a household of 5. We have one child whos autistic and only eats a few specific foods, another one with allergies who has to avoid specific foods, and another one who will eat most stuff but HATES meat."

"This alone makes it a bit tough to figure out meals. I do a pretty balanced diet, and try to figure out meals i can adjust to everyone's taste."

The OP got to the matter at hand... well, stomach.

"However my husband is on a low carb/no sugars diet, yet also refuses to eat vegetables and says he doesn't even want to try a majority of dishes I suggest. I've been trying to figure out how to make meals for us all, but he's the hardest one to cook for by far since he won't eat a majority of vegetables, or hardly any starches, and hates stuff like stews and curries."

"Lately, I've been helping set up stuff to cook for him but haven't been actually making his meals. I'll help a little, but I stopped cooking for him fully for the most part."

"Well, last night I had my hands full trying to make dinner for all of us and already had an extremely busy day. He came into the kitchen while I was making dinner and asked what I was making him because, like usual, he didn't like what I was making."

"I told him I've been busy enough today, and if he doesn't like what I'm cooking, he can cook his own dinner. He ended up snapping at me that he always has to cook lately since I rarely do it anymore, and any other man's wife would gladly cook for him and not make him fend for his own."

"I tried to explain that I would cook for him, but he never gives me any ideas of what he's actually willing to eat and turns down everything I offer, but he was having none of it."

"My family is on his side; they're saying I'm 'neglecting' him and that men don't usually have to worry about their own dinner, and I need to make sure he's fed good like me and the kids. So, AITA?"

Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
• NAH - No A**holes Here

Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.

"Oh my God... Does your husband seriously not see how you struggle day to day to make sure your children, who all have their own dietary restrictions, are fed and cared for, which is a full-time job in and of itself?"

"And where does he get off thinking that just because he has a penis, he is entitled to having his own personal chef instead of making his meal like a grown @ss adult? NTA. In any way, shape, or form." – PodcastJunkie8706

"I'm assuming he also leaves the shopping to you. Leave the shopping list out for him and have him add foods he is willing to eat. If he wants you to prepare essentially a different meal for everyone in the house, he has to help with meal planning and tell you what he is willing to eat."

"Also, most men love to grill. It sounds like grilled meat is one of the things he will eat. Encourage him to grill a week's worth on a Sunday and heat it up throughout the week. In fact, weekly meal prep would take the pressure off of both of you."

"He is putting you in an untenable situation and doing nothing to partner with you for the solution. Your family's reaction is insane. NTA." – Esmer_Tina

"NTA."

"Sounds like my adult kid, who is still at home (my health). He will say 'I'll eat anything', which is a bald faced lie. He refuses mostly everything. I just direct him to the cereal or microwave noodles."

"Don't accept any guilt from him. Decision fatigue is a real problem for people in your position."

"Feed your kids. I'm sure hubby can find something, as I'm sure food delivery exists most places these days. He will not starve." – Hot_messed

"Husband wouldn't have to worry about his own dinner if he wasn't being as picky as one of the children. Those 'men' you are talking about? Those traditional men who thought cooking was women's work? They wouldn't be on some pretentious diet that literally excludes meat and potatoes, and they wouldn't refuse to talk about what meals are acceptable. And they certainly wouldn't go running to their wife's mommy and daddy to complain that they don't want to eat their vegetables."

'My family is on his side; they're saying I'm "neglecting" him and that men don't usually have to worry about their own dinner, and I need to make sure he's fed good like me and the kids.'

"NTA. Your husband is behaving like a spoiled child, and your family are AHs for getting involved at all in such a petty complaint, and even worse for taking his side."

"And their argument is ridiculous anyway: my grandfather was part of the generation where a lot of men prided themselves on not being involved in so-called women's work like cooking. But that meant he never complained about the meals my grandmother made for him -- and she was not a good cook according to her children."

"But even if it was legitimate to say that cooking dinner was uniquely the wife's role in general (which it's not), you have children with special health needs. Even my very traditional grandfather understood that parents needed to prioritize the kids' needs first, and wouldn't have dreamed about whining in a situation like this."

"But also, it really concerns me that your husband has made your family into his allies, particularly in a situation where he is so obviously in the wrong. It makes me wonder what other manipulative and controlling tactics he is using on you."

"I'm going to strongly encourage you to read this book and see if other parts of this sound like your husband: https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf " – DinaFelice

"NTA. Meal planning and cooking was actually a major concern of mine when getting married. I'm a woman and figured it would fall on me - and for me, I will happily cook an enormous batch of one thing and eat it all week."

"Luckily, my husband loves to cook, and he has made me more excited to do so. The men in his family all cook. Your family has some very rigid ideas of gender roles, and if you're already feeding 4 of 5 people in the family, he can feed 1 of 5." – amandathev

"NTA. He is an adult and is capable of cooking for himself. He just doesn't want to. Your kids are dependent on you, so of course, they are your priority when deciding what's for dinner. He should be supporting you and helping you plan and cook the meals for the family. If he can't do that, then he can cook for himself." – Beneficial-Face-2386

"NTA! He's decided to be on a very restrictive diet, and that's fine. But it's his responsibility to deal with it - trying to push the onus onto you when you're already dealing with kids who have allergies and other food issues is not the behaviour of a supportive partner." – JustAnotherOlive

"I genuinely hate the way people think if a woman doesn't cook every single meal for her husband, she's somehow being a bad wife or neglecting him. Men are adults too, if he was single he'd have to cook every meal himself."

"You're a partner not a slave, you deserve to be treated fairly. The bigger problem here is why can't a grown man cook for his wife and kids one night? He should be embarrassed. You're NTA at all." – Commercial_Grab_1691

"NOT the a**hole! Insane that he would even gender role that way in 2025, let alone compare considering how picky he clearly is. IMO, he should always fend for himself going forward and even show love to you and make you and your family some meals!" – More-Record-3725

"NTA. First, because it's bugging me, your family is not in your shoes, not part of your household, and therefore their opinions mean nothing here. Their old-school gender roles can stay in their own households if that's what they like, but you're not obligated to follow suit."

"The fact is your husband is an adult and perfectly capable of cooking his own meal, ESPECIALLY because he is not only on a particular diet, but also a fussy eater. He should be grateful you handle your feeding your kids who all have different dietary needs making dinner challenging enough as it is. If he has busy days, he should take one of his days off to meal prep for himself for the week." – Stranger0nReddit

Overall, Redditors sided with the OP, and they thought her husband was being petulant for his demands when he could prepare his own meals to relieve some of the stress.

They also thought his family defending him in the situation was also unfortunate since it is their child who should be given the top priority when it comes to accommodating his dietary needs.