We all have our insecurities, and we do what we can to address them or neutralize them.
Individuals who have struggled with their dermatological health, especially acne and psoriasis, are often left to feel self-conscious about their facial features, but at least now, there are cute skin care options available, pointed out the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
That said, Redditor MarriedToATeacher felt there was a time and a place for the cute, star-shaped pimple patches that his wife used that were helping with her acne, and a wedding wasn’t it.
But when she was angry with him for discouraging her from wearing to patches to an upcoming wedding, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he was being harsh or insensitive.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for asking my wife to please not wear visible, star-shaped pimple patches to a wedding?”
The OP’s wife struggled with cystic acne, but she’d found some skincare that helped.
“I (41 Male) love my wife (43 Female). I think my wife is a gorgeous woman with gorgeous skin.”
“My wife has struggled with cystic acne her whole teenage and adult life. She’s a teacher at an all-girls private high school, and my wife would wear visible star-shaped pimple patches (without makeup) in class to help the students feel more comfortable.”
“I think that’s wonderful in that context. Also, I honestly think my wife looks cute wearing those pimple patches.”
To care for her skin, the OP’s wife wanted to wear star-shaped pimple patches to the OP’s sister’s wedding.
“But the thing is, our daughter (13 Female) is struggling with cystic acne just like her mom.”
“My daughter, wife, and I are going to my sister’s (37 Female) wedding.”
“My wife wants to go wearing visible star-shaped pimples patches without makeup to accompany our daughter, just like she does her students in the classroom.”
The OP wasn’t sure whether wearing the patches to the wedding was a good idea.
“My daughter has told me she doesn’t want people there paying extra attention to her mom’s acne, since they may then pay extra attention to her acne, as well.”
“Also, my sister is laid back, but I think she wouldn’t want one of her guests to wear very visible pimple patches.”
“Without bringing up our daughter’s concerns since she didn’t want me to tell her mom this, I asked my wife to please do NOT wear very visible pimple patches to my sister’s wedding.”
“She got upset with me and is now questioning my previous statements when I had told her that she looks cute with them.”
“I had mentioned my concerns about how my sister may feel. I thought that would be enough, but it wasn’t. She thinks I have a problem with them.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some agreed with the OP’s daughter that wearing the pimple patches to a wedding was not a good idea.
“The star patch is like choosing to wear your kid’s ‘Paw Patrol’ or ‘Frozen’ Band-Aids to a wedding. OP could frame it that way as an easy example to get their point across.” – lih9
“I know you swore to secrecy with your daughter, but it’s a BIG reason as to why your wife isn’t picking up what you’re throwing down. Your daughter’s intentions also came from the best possible place: to care for her mother, not to judge her. That’s worth sharing.” – Equivalent_Lemon_319
“I think there is a difference between everyday empowerment and being visible in photos for a wedding that the bride will spend a lot of money on.”
“It’s a formal setting, and she needs to be in a formal setting.”
“To each of your daughters’ confidence, it might he nice to get a makeup artist to do her makeup. Hair. Some nice clothes. Spoil her a little.” – Exotic-Rooster4427
“NTA, I know she has good intentions, but doing that will make her look like an attention seeker. Fair enough if she wants to wear some patches, but they should be the clear ones. It’s a wedding, and there’s a level of class/formality that’s to be expected.” – Dangerous_Touch_7081
“OP telling his wife how their daughter feels about it is such an iffy thing because we don’t know what kind of person OP’s wife really is.”
“She could be the kind of mother who would not want to hurt her daughter in any way and would immediately decide not to wear them and never tell her daughter that dad broke her trust because her child’s relationship with her father is very important to OP’s wife.”
“Or she could be the complete opposite of that. And now OP’s daughter is upset with her dad for breaking her trust.”
“NTA. There are places to wear those pimple patches, and there are places not to wear them, and a wedding is a place not to wear them. Someone else’s wedding is not the place to send messages like that, you are there to celebrate the bride and groom, not show how confident you are about wearing pimple patches.” – Frequent_Couple5498
Others suggested compromises to make the OP’s wife and daughter more comfortable.
“Maybe she could wear an invisible patch. I’m one of those girls, who no matter what, I still get pimples in my 20s. I could never wear those star-shaped patches, but the invisible ones are much better for me. You could still notice that she has one, but from far away not, and she might even still be able to cover them up, depending on how good she is with makeup.” – Minion_kawaii
“Wearing invisible patches or going without for a few hours would be a very good compromise.”
“School, grocery shopping, taking a hike or a walk with end go, the stars work for 90% of the time, but at a formal event like a wedding, invisible patches are much more fitting.” – JustAsICanBeSoCruel
“I don’t know which brand you use, but the CosRx ones are just better than the Starface ones you get at Walgreens.”
“Like, they’re thicker, they come in a variety of sizes, and the last time I had to buy them, they were significantly cheaper, they pick up more, they stay on better… h**l, the starface ones don’t even stay in their own packaging on their own.” – Quinzelette
“Just know that if you tell your wife what your daughter said, your daughter is going to stop trusting you or confiding in you. Next time she’s struggling with something that’s hard and personal for her, she’s not going to talk to you about it because she won’t trust you not to tell anyone. And she clearly doesn’t feel like she can talk to her mom. So where will that leave her?”
“This is something that would be a problem even if your daughter didn’t bring it up, so just address the basic problem. Your wife wants to wear colorful pimple patches to your sister’s wedding. There is no situation in which that is appropriate.”
“Someone else’s wedding isn’t a time to draw attention to yourself or try to make some kind of social statement. Everyone’s going to talk about it, people will judge her and possibly be upset, and your sister will definitely not want her in any wedding pictures because “the woman with the pimple patches” will draw the focus in EVERY photo.” – QuestioningHuman_api
“NTA. Tell her:”
“‘Our daughter is at a stage where she is uncomfortable with her skin. Drawing attention to your acne will only draw attention to hers, and I’d rather she not potentially feel under the microscope and uncomfortable the whole time. It’s not appropriate to wear pimple patches in all environments.'”
“‘If you wouldn’t wear it to a job interview, why would you wear it to someone else’s wedding? If you don’t want to wear makeup, that’s entirely okay, but it’s not okay to wear pimple patches in shapes and colors that will draw attention to you. It’s my sister’s day. If you do this, it’s all anyone is going to talk about.'”
“You have to go 100% hypothetical with it, and some hints about general teenage self-esteem and image issues. OP didn’t want to reveal that it was their daughter who brought it to their attention.”
“That’s a tough line to toe. I’m so sorry, OP, but I hope you do right by your kiddo, as someone who struggled with different self-image issues (but parents never criticized, just offered support).” – Feeling_Inside_1020
It was amazing that the OP’s wife was advocating for positive self-images for her students and for her daughter by teaching without makeup and wearing colorful pimple patches in solidarity.
While that was an important and touching mission, it didn’t really have a place at a wedding. The OP’s wife did not have to wear makeup to the wedding, but she could swap out the star pimple patches for clear or skin-colored patches just for the special occasion.
Otherwise, rather than sending a positive information to her daughter, she might draw unnecessary attention to her daughter’s skin, and she might also send a message to the bride and groom that she wanted to steal focus and possibly ruin the group wedding photos.