It’s no secret that political tensions have flared exponentially in recent months, straining all kinds of relationships, from families to the workplace to romantic relationships.
While some are able to see past differences in policy, others are unable—and completely justified—to separate platforms from their effects on the people they love and, frankly, their morals at their core.
A liberal woman called off her engagement to her partner of 11 years after he revealed his true MAGA side, so she turned to the “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor ThrowawayIndiGirl asked:
“AITAH: I am calling off my engagement after my partner revealed he is MAGA.”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My fiancé and I have been together since 2013 when we met in college.”
“He struggled to get a well paying job and during his long bouts of unemployment must have been radicalized to blame everyone else.”
“I chalked it up to depression and tried to get him help with therapy.”
“I paid for him to return to school to become a nurse too but he still has not completed the pre reqs after 7 years!”
“He currently works gig jobs while I am a nurse in California, making close to 400k a year working a full-time and a part-time job.”
“I was hoping to save up enough to not have to work after having a baby since I one I cannot rely on him.”
“We were planned to get married next year and wanted to try for a baby.”
“He knows I am very liberal and all about women’s rights.”
“He never openly expressed support for MAGA itself until after Trump won and said Trump will help the economy and finally allow him to get a good job. I told him that it was the easiest time to get a job in the past 20 years in 2021, yet he couldn’t.”
“I am not giving into sunken costs and staying, and he didn’t know, but he did make offhand comments before on women losing their worth the older they get, and I questioned him, and he said it was a joke.”
“The past week has been miserable listening to him talk nonstop on how great Trump is and how he will turn everything great again.”
“I had it and gave him notice to leave by the end of the month, and we are through.”
“He said it’s unfair and told me it’s stupid to give up on us over just politics.”
“The very fact he said that solidified the notion that he is so clueless and our values are too different.”
“He will likely have to move back into his parent’s home or be homeless since he makes less than 35k a year in the most expensive region in the USA.”
“Am I the a**hole for throwing away my relationship of 11 years over politics?”
Redditors weighed in on the situation and agreed OP is not the a**hole (NTA), with many noting that she had several reasons to end the relationship and her partner’s political stance was just the last straw.
“Even without the maga thing, why are you even with this man?” – BEBookworm
“NTA. I think you should have left him about 7 or 8 years ago, but it’s never too late.”
“Congratulations on your freedom from that loser!” – sergeim105
“Let’s see here:”
“You’ve paid for his schooling”
“He blames his joblessness on others”
“You carry him financially”
“Nothing has changed for 11 years”
“Frankly, it took you way too long to relieve yourself of this burden.”
“His maga-ness was simply the last straw.”
“Kick him out, block him, move on.” – Beck2010
“You are not ending your relationship because of politics.”
“You are ending it because he is absolutely a loser hobosexual who is happy to use you as long as you let him.”
“If you want to use MAGA as the last straw, be that as it may, but this is not even close to the biggest issue.”
“Get him out and move on quickly.” – Training_Package6761
“NTA: you can end a relationship for any reason you want.”
“And ending it because you have a basic fundamental difference in morals is a better reason than most.” – Selmarris
“There are many reasons you should leave him, mostly that he’s mooching off of you because you make the money, and he’s not trying to get a job and has no motivation for school or anything else.”
“He’s also a disgusting sexist misogynist based on his ‘offhand’ comments to you to try to trap you because he wants to make you worried you can’t find someone else because you’d lose worth.”
“It also seems like he’s relying on you to be his mom. NTA” – dbmermels
“NTA. First off, it sounds like the MAGA thing isn’t even the biggest issue to you; it’s just the straw that broke the camel’s back.”
“You’ve given him more than a fair amount of help and chances to pick himself up.”
“It sounds like you’ve been very supportive of him and tried so incredibly hard to help him lift up to support himself but he just doesn’t want to.”
“Now he has a chance to be supportive of you and your life, and he can’t even vote for a candidate that understands women.”
“Yeah I get it.”
“Forget that guy, sweep the leg, and move on.”
“You deserve better.” – Whispfail
“Your BF’s issue is that he will continue to drag you down and mooch and play the victim, all while doing nothing to improve his situation.”
“The MAGA stuff is just the piss on top of that sh*t cake.”
“Remind your BF that this is the optimal time for him to be on his own since there’s gonna be so many opportunities for him now.”
“NTA.” – JFCMFRR
“NTA”
“It’s not politics in the sense of this abstract thing that doesn’t affect you.”
“It’s him aligning his values with somebody who thinks you’re basically not a person and shouldn’t get a say, yet happily mooching off you.” – Ok_Homework_7621
“NTA.”
“You said it yourself. Sunken costs.”
“You aren’t breaking up over politics.” – Historical-State-275
“Another political blame.”
“Neither side is the party of tolerance.”
“I think your guy is just lazy and has nothing to do with politics.”
“You are the AH if you call it off and give the credit or blame to MAGA.”
“You’ve given them the control.”
“You’re NOT the AH if you decide you’ve had enough of this guy and take responsibility for your decision.”
“Then you are in control of your life’s direction.”
“To quote the great Dr. Seuss, ‘you have a brain in your head and feet in your shoes, you can steer yourself any direction you choose.'” – QuietLynx2431
“NTA.”
“You’ve been with a hobosexual all this time.”
“He doesn’t believe in personal responsibility, so of course he voted for the guy who is all about grievances and its never his fault.”
“If you offload him, you can probably give up the part-time job as well!” – Ok_Breakfast9531
“NTA, although even without him not knowing about the economy and voting against your rights, it seems like you have every reason to break up with him.”
“Tell him you’re ‘tired of giving him handouts'” – BigNathaniel69
“NTA people saying he dogged a bullet are jerks and wrong.”
“Coming from someone who probably doesn’t even agree with your politics, from what you have said this guy sounds like a dead beat and was sucking you dry long before this election season.”
“You have given him more than enough chances to get his life together and he still can’t figure it out.”
“Maybe losing you is what he needs to actually wake up and get his life together.”
“But you should move on and thrive!” – Idkwhyiamhere98
“NTA. Wow that man is a waste of space.”
“Your life is about to get infinitely better” – iknowsomethings2
“NTA he’s lazy and doesn’t want to work.”
“He is not stepping up to be a partner or husband.”
“Time to move on – but I am pretty sure this is who he is regardless of political views.”
“Doesn’t matter- get out now” – camkats
It sounds like OP took commenters’ advice to heart, but the transition to the next chapter hasn’t been easy.
“His mother is babysitting him at her house to avoid a 5150 while I work.”
“His father is packing up his belongings and will move them out of my house by the end of the week.”
“It is over. I am letting him be MAGA.”
“I cannot support someone who who wants to take away my rights.”
“Majority of our friends are cutting ties with him after they learned of the reason of the breakup.”
“Luckily, his parents are extremely left even by my standards, so he may get a better balance on the news instead of just the conservative forums he frequents.”
“People grow apart, and we grew apart.”
“One can break up for any reason or no reason at all.”
“I simply asked if I was the ahole to do it, not if it was right or wrong.”
“Men are justified for breaking up with women if she gets fat, but if the woman breaks up over morale differences, it’s wrong?”
Fortunately, OP has people on her side to provide support as she moves forward.