Many new parents turn to their own parents for advice.
After all, they’re the people who made them who they are.
Even so, parenting styles and customs tend to change with the times, so new parents might decide to raise their children differently than their own parents raised them.
Often resulting in tension.
Redditor Mysterious-File9406 and their wife recently welcomed a new baby.
The original poster (OP)’s mother couldn’t wait to be a grandmother and an active part of their grandchild’s life.
However, after ignoring the instructions of the OP and their wife, the OP’s mother found herself banned from seeing her grandchild.
Concerned they might have overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for keeping my son away from my mom because she fed him custard?”
The OP explained why their mother found herself banned from seeing her grandchild:
“My wife (30s) and I (also 30s) have a baby boy.”
“Last year, we flew across the country with him to attend a family reunion and visit my parents.”
“Things were going well until my wife caught my mom (68) trying to feed our baby custard off a spoon—against two of our clear rules: no sugar before 1 year old, and no spoon-feeding.”
“My wife and mom had discussed feeding boundaries at length for weeks, and our 6mo had just started solids.”
“Since our son’s birth, my mom has increasingly ignored boundaries.”
“The first issue was her demanding photos at 9 am despite our previous ask for no photo requests before 10 am.”
“Her reasoning: ‘Rules don’t apply to Grandma’.”
“When caught with the custard, my wife immediately took our son and left the room upset without saying a word.”
“I stayed behind and asked my mom why she didn’t ask first, and she said, ‘Because I knew you’d say no’.”
“I was livid—this showed she knowingly overrode our parenting decisions.”
“Later she tried to brush it off as sarcasm.”
“My mom’s sister, who witnessed it, validated my wife’s reaction.”
“The next day, we sat my parents down to talk.”
“My mom initially apologized but quickly backpedaled, changing details (‘It was a fork, not a spoon’, ‘he just reached for it’).”
“Things got heated.”
“My dad said we were being harsh, and later my mom claimed my wife ‘screamed’ at her.”
“Neither of us remembers screaming, but we aren’t going to gaslight her.”
“We ended the trip early and pulled back communication—my wife, who had been sending daily photos and videos, stopped completely; I now send occasional ones.”
“We tried working on things.”
“My wife proposed an exercise where they would answer questions about their grandparents expectations, and we would discuss them together.”
“We agreed they could attend our son’s first birthday if we completed the exercise.”
“They agreed.”
“After multiple reschedules (due to my wife’s postpartum struggles), we finally set a time last minute—but my mom refused to get dressed to be on video, saying I ‘called every shot so far’ and that she’d just listen off-camera.”
“My wife felt slighted and revoked their birthday invitation.”
“My mom later gave a veiled threat and then a different excuse, but the damage was done, and we withdrew further.”
“After further reflection and therapy, we told them we need them to seek therapy before resuming visits.”
“Their response mentioned the ‘screaming’ again and uncertainty if ‘this will work out’—but then still asked for photos ‘every once in a while’.”
“Since then, I’ve kept the casual conversation open but deflect photo and visit requests until they start therapy.”
“For context: they were present at his birth and had two good visits where my mom respected boundaries, which made this breach feel even more shocking.”
“So:
“Is my wife TAH for ‘yelling’ or revoking the daily photos in response?”
“AITA for holding this boundary until therapy happens?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP found little to no sympathy from the Reddit community, who largely agreed that the OP was indeed the a**hole for banning their mother from seeing her grandson.
Many had trouble sympathizing with anyone in this scenario, feeling that the OP, their wife, and their mother were all being overly dramatic:
“Whew.”
“Okay, the custard thing, not okay.”
“What baby eats is up to mom and dad, full stop.”
“However, the rest of this sounds like a huge overreaction.”
“Just stick with your kid while you’re at Grandma’s ffs.”
“It’s not even nearby; you don’t see her all the time; she isn’t babysitting.”
“Just keep an eye on your kid while you’re all there.”
“Interviews to assess their adherence to rules and family therapy for a couple of bites of custard?”
“Way off the rails.”
“ESH. Grandma was wrong.”
“You and your wife need to take a step back and get some perspective.”
“Relationships with people who love them are so important to kids.”
“So much more important than an erroneous bite of custard.”- ImpossibleReason2204
“ESH.”
“Initially, I totally understand you guys being upset.”
“However, the behavior around that video call sounds insane.”
“You expected them to give you infinite leeway on rescheduling due to your boundaries, but when your mom said she’d rather stay off video that’s an insurmountable hurdle?”
“If you want this to be the end of your relationship with your parents you can continue with the mindset you currently have that your accommodations are necessary and hers are unjust demands, but if you’d actually like to mend this bridge, I’d consider acting like people on both sides are humans that deserve some grace.”- nuggets256
“I think all parties have behaved badly here, so I say ESH.”
“I would really like to understand this whole ‘no spoons’ thing.”
“OP, can you explain why you are anti-spoon?”
“Do you hold the same disdain for sporks?”
“I can completely understand and agree with the no sugar rule.”
“But the spoons just have me confused.”- markdmac
While others felt the OP was solely at fault for exacerbating the situation and was being far too harsh on their mother:
“I would have said ESH, but actually on balance YTA.”
“You guys are exhausting and way too intense.”
“Your parents (mother) did ignore your rules but tbh most of how she is responding is no doubt due to her frustration at what’s going on, the more petty the rules and consequences to breaking the rules the more she is acting out in kind.”
“Sure you have boundaries, but they seem to be ever-shifting and as soon as your mum has a boundary (being on camera) you punish her with no birthday visit.”
“Treating your child like a bargaining chip and your way to exert control is concerning.”
“Looking back, you are threatening your parents over a spoon and custard?”
“They have to attend therapy or you won’t send pictures?”
“They aren’t the ones who need help, this behaviour should it continue will surely damage your child as he grows older.”- iata1973
“YTA.”
“Oof.”
“A lot going on here.”
“Your wife seems so over the top it’s hard to be on your side.”
“Is she getting help for her postpartum struggles?”
“I very much hope so.”
“Your mom was wrong for the custard.”
“But discussing feeding boundaries for weeks sounds quite honestly insane.”
“A ‘boundary’ of 10 am texts instead of 9 am also sounds like a you problem.”
“Is she spamming with texts at that time?”
“Why can’t you just ignore it until it’s a convenient time for you?”
“The expectation exercise also sounds over the top, but they agreed.”
“Yet you cancel multiple times and then lose it when your mom doesn’t want to be on camera at the last minute?”
“And this causes your wife to uninvite them?”
“Again I think she needs some serious help.”
“Is this actually what you want your relationship and your kids relationship with your parents to be?”
“Support your wife, yes, but most of this is just concerning.”- SpeechIll6025
“YTA.”
“I really was going to go with everyone sucks here because I do think Grandma pushed the boundaries a little too far.”
“But then I just kept reading, and I couldn’t .”
“Maybe Grandma pushes the boundaries because you guys are over-the-top ridiculous.”
“You get to make a choice about whether or not your child has a full complement of people who love him.”
“Or you can make a choice to always be right and have everything always done your way.”
“And then of course, cry when you ‘don’t have a village’.”
“You guys need to reassess.”
“You using your own child to manipulate and punish your mother is frankly quite gross.”
“Imagine your son is a grown-up.”
“And he gets mad at you because you swaddle the baby incorrectly, so he decides you’ve got to go to therapy.”
“Literally stare at your infant child and imagine him telling you that.”
“Meanwhile, you’re thinking, but I swaddled you this way, and it was perfectly fine, and you are perfectly fine.”
“What is happening right now?”- PracticalPrimrose
The OP isn’t wrong that therapy might be necessary.
But not just for their mother but for everyone.
The behavior exhibited by everyone bordered on the extreme.
And extreme behavior is the worst possible atmosphere for a young child.