When it comes to office dress codes, Fridays are no longer the only casual dress days of the work week.
Days of showing up to work in a suit and tie are largely a thing of the past, with T-shirts and jeans becoming much more standard office attire with each passing day.
Which doesn't mean that one's choice of clothing still won't rub a boss or colleague the wrong way.
Redditor Longjumping_Draw_864 could tell that a recent work outfit didn't appear to meet the approval of their colleague.
And when this colleague confessed as much, the original poster (OP), had their response ready and waiting.
But worried they didn't handle the situation as best they could have, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for telling my coworker I will cover up my shoulders when he starts wearing shoes?"
The OP explained how they told a colleague who suggested their outfit was inappropriate for the workplace if they were really in any kind of position to do so.
"My workplace doesn't have a dress code so everyone dresses very casually."
"Today I was wearing a top with thin straps with long pants and my shoulders were showing."
"One of my coworkers 'Brian' was giving me angry looks all day and when I finally asked him what's wrong, he told me that he thought better off me than to dress in 'barely any clothes' to work."
"At that moment, Brian was wearing pretty short shorts and was barefoot."
"He dressed like this the whole summer, the office is carpeted, he only puts on his slippers if he is going to the bathroom or the kitchen."
"I told Brian that I will start covering up my shoulders when he starts wearing shoes to the office."
"If I have to watch his hairy toes at work, he can deal with the sight of my shoulders."
"That of course didn't help, he put on his headphones and didn't even look in my direction the rest of the workday."
"Now I'm wondering if I was wrong to say that."
"He is a coworker and I should thrive for good work relationships, but I felt insulted so kicked back at him."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not at all the a**Hole for calling their colleague out on his hypocrisy.
Everyone agreed that the OP had the perfect response to Brian's ignorant observation, with many agreeing that being barefoot in a workplace is in questionable taste, no matter how causal the workplace, and some finding Brian's actions bordered on, if they weren't explicitly, harassment.
"No, no, it did help."
"His doing so and silence simply states 'Brian' needs to have a fresh cup of shut the f**k up before he turn on the proverbial neon 'hypocrite' sign pointing out his double standard views."
"Hopefully he thinks twice the next time."
"NTA."
"Good on you!"-RabbitOfCaerbonnog
"NTA."
"That was a funny response to his attempt at shaming you for gasp having shoulders."
"Also, who goes barefoot at the office?"- CrystalQueen3000
"NTA."
"Bare feet all summer in the office and he acts like a child about a tank top?"
"Grow up, Brian."- Pink_RubberDucky
"NTA."
"Going barefoot is way weirder and more unprofessional than bare shoulders."- thewalkindude
"Your gasp SHOULDERS were visible!?"
"I'm clutching my pearls over here!"
"NTA."- Special_Respond7372
"NTA."
"Tell Brian to not wear booty shorts to work next time he comments."- Logical-Wasabi7402
"NTA."
"Your nasty-ass coworker was barefoot every day at work and he had the gall to complain about your shoulders?"
"Unreal."- Goth-Sloth
"NTA."
"But tell a safety person he's wandering around without shoes, which is a liability."
"If you have HR, get his bullshit 'he told me that he thought better off me than to dress in "barely any clothes" to work;."
"His slut shamey nonsense is not okay."- Sea-Mud5386
"NTA, and I'd find a strapless top to wear tomorrow."- No-Crew-1641
"NTA."
"I will never understand this obsession with women's shoulders."
"If there is no dress code, Brian can go pound sand."- twifferTheGnu
"NTA."
"Hobbit Brian needs to chill his roll."- Jazzlike_Crew_3956
"Very obviously NTA."
"Does he have a kink for shoulders or what?"
"If he cannot keep his dong in check that is his problem."
"He is an adult he should have enough self control to not let some shoulders bother him."-RandomIntrovertHere
"NTA."
"And you should go to HR."
"That's sexual harassment."- Ippus_21
"NTA."
"Brian needs to mind his own business."- DragonflyMon83
"Absolutely NTA."
"Barefoot at work?"
"Really?"
"I love being barefoot but not in the office, he sounds like a sexist AH."- SarielvonLith
"NTA."
"That's hilarious."
"Probably won't help the co-working relationship, but he needs to hold his opinions to himself sometimes."- roestzwiebelei
"NTA."
"Yes you should thrive for good relationships but that does not mean you bow down to others and let them pass any comment or make any request they desire without reply, request of your own or compromise."
"If he thinks he has the right to be passive aggressive all day with the 'angry looks' and not saying anything until you notice he is upset or get sick of his attitude and then request that you cover your SHOULDERS of all things without reply he is deluded!"
"If he thinks he is okay to walk around in short shorts with all that leg and bare feet on show and still pass comment and be openly disgusted and disturbed by the sight of your shoulders then he needs some gender quality education."
"I think there are some religions that prefer modest fashion for women and areas like the shoulders are an area preferred to be covered."
"But even if this is part of HIS religion then what right does he have to bring that expectation to someone outside of the religion and within the workplace!"
"He is a hypocrite and if you allow him to get away with these passive aggressive looks to continue in your direction all day what is that doing for a thriving coworker relationship."
"You have the right to tell someone you are bothered by something but you have to be aware that you most probably have the right for them to just comply, a thriving relationship would be to come to a compromise."
"But this takes both of you to be on the same page, a thriving relationship of any form is not one sided remember that."- Fun-Attorney4071
"NTA."
"He feels entitled to comment on your attire?"
"Then you have permission to do the same."- akani25
"That is the most perfect response you could have possibly given to that."
"NTA."- eric987235
"What in tarnation?"
"He's barefoot in the office?"- slimcargos
"lmfao he's a jerk, you're obviously NTA."- clubmedschool
"NTA."
"He sounds gross."- FlyAwayJai
"NTA."
"He needs to grow the f up."
"Showing shoulders isn't a big deal."
"If there is no dress code, dress appropriately for you."
"I just can't believe he would be complaining of shoulders."
"It's not like your boobs are hanging out and your nipples are almost showing, or wearing a short skirt that shows off your woo-hoo."
"He's totally TA."- mrsbluemoon
"NTA."
"And I think that it actually had the desired effect of shutting him up."- bellePunk
"NTA."
"Though even if he does start wearing shoes, you shouldn't have to cover your shoulders there is nothing inappropriate about them."- Puma_Pounce
"No NTA."
"Brian is a misogynistic jerk."
"Who cares what he says."
"He's not deserving of respect anyways."
"Next time, go in wearing capris and say 'Oh I'm sorry Brian, my ankles are showing'."
"'My bad'."
"'They must be as hot as your feet'."
"'At least they don't smell as bad'."- Holmes221bBSt
"SHOULDERS?"
"Le scandal."- Snarkybish03
"NTA."
"Him ignoring you seems to be an improvement, what a rude man."- Highclassbadass
"NTA."
"I can't believe this is smth I believe happened."- auroracorpus
"NTA."
"Misogynistic pigs deserve none of your attention."
"He can mind his own business."- Popular_Plate231
"NTA."
"He sounds like he needs to put some shoes on and go touch grass."- BeepleSteeple0330
"NTA."
"His opinion of your personal style choices is his problem."
"Not yours."- BuffaloJackalope
"NTA ewwww he's going to give y'all foot fungus."- aaskhic
"Barefoot at work with carpet and I'm just thinking of all the times I've removed a staple from a document and it's flown away to land invisibly in the carpet."
"Would be worse than stepping on legos."
"You NTA."
"My petty ass brain is thinking you should start a summer filing project near his workstation and let those removed staples fly!"- gardener_zone_3
As the common saying goes, "no shirt, no shoes, no service.'
Considering that Brian couldn't seem to meet even that minimum standard, which the OP most certainly did, one can't help but feel like he was throwing a stone in a glass house.
Next time he feels the need to bemoan someone's choice of clothing, one hope's he's at least wearing shoes.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.