When items are passed from generation to generation, it’s not uncommon for a fair amount of jealousy to arise.
As some people might have hoped that certain valuable possessions one day might be theirs, only to be disappointed to see them go to someone else.
Sometimes carrying that resentment for the rest of their lives.
On Christmas a few years back, the sister of Redditor LowVegetable2418 confronted him about one of his most prized possessions.
She explained to the original poster (OP) that she didn’t think it was fair that he got to keep this particular heirloom, and they should alternate ownership.
A request the OP flatly refused, much to the shock of their sister and the annoyance of their brother-in-law (BIL).
Wondering if they had been unfair, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not giving my sister the ‘family’ nativity?”
The OP explained why they had a small sense of guilt as they entered the holiday season:
“So this actually happened a few years ago but as I was decorating for Christmas I began to wonder if AITA.”
“My grandmother’s hobby was making ceramics.”
“She always had a beautiful set that she made before my sister or other siblings were born.”
“When I married, over 20 years prior to this interaction, I picked it up from her house and took it with me to my new home.”
“One Christmas, a few years back, my sister and her husband were over at my house visiting my kids.”
“My sister said she wanted to talk to me.”
“Sister: ‘Look I think we should take turns with the nativity. It was the family nativity that Grandmother made and it’s not fair that only you get to display it. I want to take it next year’.”
“BIL was nodding in agreement.”
“Me : ‘Oh, Im so sorry. But this is not the family nativity , it’s mine’.”
“BIL: ‘Only because you took it before anyone else could say anything’.”
“Me: ‘No, because it was mine. It was a Christmas gift for me’.”
“I picked up the manger part and showed them the bottom.”
“It had the nickname my Grandma called me and the date it was made before my sister was born engraved in it.”
“Me: ‘This was made as a Christmas gift for me. It was given to me. We only kept it at Grandma’s after you were born because as a toddler you grabbed one of the pieces and broke it. We just always kept it at Grandma’s for safety as you and the other siblings came along. When I left for college I left it there and then took it when I got my own home’.”
“Sister: ‘(with great disappointment) I…I…never saw that under the manger. I never knew’.”
“Me: ‘I’m so sorry, Sis. This was a Christmas gift to me. It was always mine. Grandma made it for me. She wrapped up each piece for me to open on Christmas morning before you were born. I’m sorry you didn’t know that’.”
“BIL: ‘Well, I don’t see why you cant just let us have it every other year. I think that’s fair because everyone should give a chance with it’.”
“Me: No. It’s mine. It was a Christmas gift to ME. I’m sorry you thought it was for the family. But it was always mine. I’m so sorry you are disappointed but this stays with me’.”
“BIL was obviously angry but my sister was disappointed and she looked a bit sad.”
“Today, as I was putting out the nativity, I started to feel a bit guilty.”
“They have a nativity that BIL inherited.”
“It’s an antique and valuable.”
“Also Grandma made things for each grandchild based on their interests at the time.”
“My sister really loves Halloween (huge yard displays and all) so Grandma made this beautiful table top stacking Jack o lantern sculpture that lights up.”
“So she, and all the siblings, were given things that were lovingly made by Grandma just for them.”
“So was I the A**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to share his nativity set with his sister.
While many understood the shock and disappointment of the OP’s sister, they otherwise agreed that the Nativity was a precious and prized possession that the OP should have felt no obligation to share, with most agreeing that if there were any a**holes, it was the OP’s BIL:
“NTA.”
“I completely understand your sister’s disappointment, but BIL’s annoyance/anger about it is kind of weird.”
“Let’s say you let them take it one year.”
“Who’s to say you’d get it back?”
“Or that something wouldn’t ‘happen’ to it?”
“It’s understandable to feel bad, but as you said, it’s yours. Your name is on it and was a gift to you.”
“They can enjoy and appreciate it when they come to visit, why do they feel the need to actually posses it?”
“Especially BIL… Like what is it even to you bro?”
“Lol, that’s so weird to me.”- hufflepufflepass
“NTA.”
“She didn’t know, so I can understand her disappointment at discovering what she thought was a ‘family’ item was actually a personal gift to you.”
“But once told.. it says something that the BIL still felt entitled to it though… as the assumption they had meant more than the actual facts of the matter.”- wpgjudi
“Absolutely NTA.”
“Your sister and BIL obviously worked themselves up about it thinking you’d basically taken it from Grandma without any discussion.”
“And it clearly holds some sentimental value for your sister.”
“You set them straight.”
“She’ll be sad and get over it.”
“Your BIL being angry though is weird and a red flag, but also not the subject of your post!”-ProfessorDistinct835
“NTA.”
“Don’t open this can of worms.”
“It’s a lovely gift from your grandmother to you.”
“Enjoy it in good peace.”- TresWhat
“NTA.”
“BIL is the only AH here.”- GnomieOk4136
“It was your gift directly.”
“It was not a family gift or an heirloom that you took without permission.”
“Your sister’s disappointment is reasonable.”
“Your BIL’s entitlement is not.”
“NTA.”- GothPenguin
“NTA and once you had explained your BIL had no business to continue asking.”
“Audacious.”
“Perhaps if he asks again you ask him to share his car with you.”
“It was your grandmother’s gift to you.”
“Not a family thing.”- Individual_Metal_983
“NTA.”
“It was a gift for you.”
“Do not let anyone guilt you into giving it to them.”- Strong-Ad6577
“Why are so many people saying that OP should get sister one?”
“It’s not OP’s responsibility, plus OP actually offered and was turned down.”
“Sister can get her own or, better yet, just get over it.”
“OP has had it before sister was born, and it’s been in OP’s homes for over 20 years.”
“Definitely NTA!”- Electronic-Nail5210
“NTA.”
“It’s your nativity, given to you as a gift.”
“Not to mention that it would be stupid to transport a fragile set of ceramic figurines from one home to another without a need year after year.”- Horror-Reveal7618
“Dude doubled down… they had this whole narrative ready and OP pulled the winds from their sails, just as they were picking up speed.”
“NTA.”- phillyunhipstered
“NTA.”
“Does your brother in law want to come over and f*ck your husband on Christmas morning every other year also?”
“Jesus H Christ!”- mcknight92
“NTA.”
“Why wasn’t this conversation between sisters if the request was so reasonable?”
“What need was there for BIL’s involvement other than peer pressure/intimidation?”
“BIL needs to stay in his lane.”- Last-Butterscotch-68
“NTA.”
“It was a gift to you that they aren’t entitled to.”- Superb_Drop1313
“NTA it isn’t a family heirdom, it was always yours and it’s unfortunate nobody talked about this fact.”- EuropeSusan
“I mean if your sister was gifted anything you want to have access too.”
“A vacation home, a Ferrari, etc… lol.”
“NTA.”- Dry-Clock-1470
“NTA.”
“In any way. It’s ok if your sister is disappointed.”
“That life. Sometimes things are disappointing.”- witx
“NTA.”
“What if she has kids and they start breaking pieces…your heart will be broken.”- Lwdlrb1993
“NTA.”
“At least your sister understood but you BIL is an a**.”- boredbytheabyss
“NTA.”
“It’s yours.”
“You proved it’s actually yours.”
“Weird that the one who is not related to you is having the most problems with this.”
“Your sister seemed to take it okay.”
“Yes she was sad but she didn’t scream, shout, cry, break it etc.”
“BIL is the one insisting you hand over your property so he can show it off.”
“Weird.”- Fioreborn
The nativity clearly holds a special meaning to every member of the OP’s family, so one can sympathize a bit with the OP’s sister wanting it.
However, as it was rightfully the OP’s, then it’s their decision, and their decision alone as to who gets to take hold of it.
Seeing as the OP’s sister and BIL have a valuable nativity scene of their own, they should find a way to make do and be happy with that one.