“What’s mine is yours, and what’s yours is mine.”
The age-old cliché, but general understanding that whenever you enter a marriage, you tend to share most things with your spouse.
But not everything.
Indeed, many couples prefer to keep some things strictly for themselves, or in some cases push certain responsibilities solely to their spouse.
Including finances.
Redditor ClassicBlood2627 and their wife entered their marriage with an understanding that they would each contribute equally to their finances.
However, the original poster (OP)’s wife was frequently coming up short financially.
The OP saw an easy solution to this problem, which their wife was not at all interested in obliging.
Wondering if it would be wrong to force this solution on their wife the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA if I stop bailing her out and demand she financially steps up?”
The OP explained why they felt the need to lay down the law with their wife:
“I (28 M[ale]) am married to L (29 F[emale]).”
“We have 3 kids in the home: my 3 & 1-year-olds and my 10-year-old stepdaughter.”
“We got married after our first child.”
“I love my stepdaughter and treat her as mine, but her bio dad does almost nothing.”
“I’ve pushed my wife to file for child support; she refuses because she’s afraid of 50/50 custody and doesn’t want her daughter influenced by him.”
“I think he should still be forced to contribute.”
“From the start I was clear: I wanted a 50/50 partnership.”
“Right now I’m basically carrying us.”
“I take home about $2.8k/month after benefits/401k on a rotating shift schedule and work overtime/side jobs to keep up.”
“My wife works 8–5 as a long-term sub, around $21/hr, and brings home roughly $1.8k.”
“Her fixed bills are about $800.”
“Our rent is $1,600.”
“I warned her in mid-October that we needed to get ahead for November’s rent.”
“On Oct 30 she said she had $100 for rent and would have more later.”
“Now, at the end of the month, she tells me she only got her normal check, had to pay her bills, and is short again.”
“I smoke weed daily.”
“Meanwhile, right before Thanksgiving, she threw a hotel birthday party for her daughter, paid for everything, and only afterward told me she couldn’t cover her share of rent.”
“It’s only her share because she died on the hill about this apt.”
“I doubt her whole thousand went to the party, but I’m sure her portion did.”
“I’m getting her a cellphone. Mom does parties I get gifts.”
“This isn’t a one-off; for months I’ve been grinding extra hours and covering the gap while she avoids hard financial decisions (child support, finishing her degree to get a better-paying contract, sticking to a budget).”
“I’m at the point where I want to stop covering her shortfall on rent/bills and insist that she file for child support and make a serious plan to increase her income, instead of relying on me to plug every hole.”
“My daughter’s father is just a bum.”
“Not dangerous.”
“AITA for refusing to keep bailing out my wife and pushing her to file for child support?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was somewhat divided as to whether or not they felt the OP was the a**hole for refusing to bail out their wife and demanding she sue for child support.
Some felt that the OP was right, and their wife needed to start facing the consequences for her poor decision-making, financial and otherwise.
“This isn’t just about child support; this is your wife making poor financial decisions.”
“She spent money on a ‘hotel birthday party’ for her child, and is only contributing $100 to the household expenses for the month?”
“WTF.”
“This is a huge issue you need to discuss.”
“Her child’s dad paying child support isn’t going to solve this if your wife keeps spending her mom on fun and relying on you to pay the household bills.”
“NTA.”- 7625607
“NTA, but what do you mean ‘her bills’.”
“You call her your wife, so I assume you are married.”
“At that point, there are no ‘her bills’ and ‘his bills’, you’ve just got bills.”
“And in turn, you jointly should be making financial decisions, like whether or not to have a hotel party.”- RazzmatazzUnique6602
“NTA for wanting your wife to sue for child support.”
“The outcome isn’t guaranteed.”
“It’s not a magic wand to solve the money issues.”
“I have a child support order, and he hasn’t paid in almost a year.”
“He went another time for nearly 5 years without paying.”
“The child support is not your problem.”
“Your wife sucks at handling money.”
“She needs to stop pending frivolously.”
“You guys need to have a conversation and create a plan.”- zilch14
“NTA.”
“This is one of the most common errors on the legal forums – child support is a LEGAL OBLIGATION owed to the CHILD.”
“How the wife feels about it is irrelevant.”
“The husband can file for joint custody, and unless he is a serial killer, he is entitled to that as well.”
“But he HAS to pay child support and your wife is derelict in not demanding it.”
“But realistically, it would not be a slam-dunk decision as so many years have gone by without him having custody.”
“Does he even ask for visitation?”
“He may not be in a financial or relationship position to even accept joint custody.”
“So tell the wife to sue for current and back child support and get his wages garnished if he refuses.”- parodytx
“NTA.”
“However, you have been enabling this behavior of her spending, then her expecting you to cover.”-Financial_Room_8362
Others, however, felt that the OP was being unfair and too hard on their wife, particularly as they openly admitted to spending part of their income on marijuana, even if they still felt she needed to make smarter choices:
“I don’t understand.”
“Your income and hers should more than cover the bills you describe.”
“Thinking of ‘her bills’ and ‘your bills’ is not particularly helpful or relevant in a marriage.”
“You two are in this together, which you chose.”
“You even added two more kids to the mix.”
“Also, math-wise – if she is working full-time at that rate, her take-home pay is too low.”
“All that being said, I doubt she has ever been any different.”
“You chose your life, figure it out.”
“ESH.”- Glittering_Pick4537
“‘I smoke weed every day but want my wife to do more’.”
“So how much are you spending on weed in a month?”
“How does being high EVERY DAY affect your relationship with your children?”
“ESH.”
“Your wife for not keeping up her end of the bargain and throwing a ‘hotel party’ instead of coming up with the rent.”
“YOU for getting high every day instead of interacting with the two children YOU made.”-celticmusebooks
“You married someone with a child who has a deadbeat dad.”
“What did you expect?”
“You married someone making poverty wages.”
“You make more but also don’t make good money.”
“What did you expect?”
“You had two kids knowing all of this.”
“What did you expect?”
“I’ve been grinding extra hours and covering the gap.”
“I feel like people don’t understand what marriage is.”
“This post makes it sound like you’re roommates that have kids together.”
“Doesn’t seem like a partnership at all.”
“‘Her bills’. Her shortfall.”
“Crazy.”
“She makes less money, and you’re married.”
“You knew that going into this.”
“Again, I’m not sure you get what marriage involves.”
“Sounds like you should have stayed single and looked for a roommate since that seems to be the arrangement you want.”
“If you treat the stepkid like yours, why did you not contribute to her birthday?”
“What money is your wife supposed to use to finish her degree?”
“There’s a lot of conflicting nonsense in your post.”
“I keep hearing that men want to be providers.”
“Yet another data point (actually, two!) proving that isn’t true.”
“ESH.”- Purple_Shallot3731
“ESH.”
“You’re married, there shouldn’t be ‘her share’ of the rent.”
“You as a family cover the rent with your family income.”
“Your wife is not wrong about the possibility that the 10-year-old’s bio dad might demand 50-50 custody if she enforces her rights to child support.”
“If she demands her rights, he can demand his.”
“You went into this relationship knowing about the child’s existence, and then you went ahead and had two more kids with this woman.”
“You need to take care of them.”
“Your wife is also TA for having a hotel birthday party for the kid.”
“Who TF does this?”
“When you, as a family, do not have enough money to pay the rent.”
“She also needs to model financial responsibility to the children.”
“You guys need to make a joint plan for family finances.”- chicagoliz
It seems to be a fairly tense and problematic situation for both the OP and their wife.
It does seem that the OP’s wife needs to start becoming a more responsible adult.
However, the same can arguably be said about the OP.
As one has to wonder why their proud declaration that they smoke weed every night is even relevant to this issue, though.