Childcare is so expensive.
Some monthly childcare bills rival car payments and mortgages.
It’s a wonder people are having children at all.
That’s why so many parents depend on family and friends.
But there are limits to the amount of help people can give.
Redditor ApocalypticUnicorn24 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my brother he needs to find new childcare?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“AITA for telling my brother he needs to find his own childcare for his kids.”
“I, 28 F[emale] have been babysitting my brother’s 25 M[ale] boys since his oldest was born (almost 4 now).”
“I switched my work schedule to be able to watch the boys after my overnight shifts and to better help him so he and his wife can still work.”
“All was well for a bit until they decided to have a second kid, and I was getting super burnt out with hardly any sleep, as sometimes they wouldn’t get home until 4-5 pm and I had to be up for work by 8 pm.”
“Leaving me 3-4 hours of sleep a night.”
“I tried to set boundaries, but ultimately caved to their pressure, along with my parents on their side.”
“Their solution was I come home, nap, then go over to watch the boys before going home to sleep some more (5-6 hours a day) for $100 a month to watch both boys, and I gave them a 2-year timeline and told them if they had a third child, I would be done watching them.”
“Well, recently I lost my job, and I’ve been out of a job for almost 2 months.”
“I’ve been applying for full-time and part-time work for all shifts/hours, and I finally got hired.”
“The issue is I have 2 days of orientation this month, and I don’t start part-time day shift until the end of April, maybe the end of May.”
“I told my brother and his wife I’d have orientation for 2 days this month, and went to remind them again yesterday, only for everything to blow up.”
“I was basically told I’m a major f**k up and disappointment that needs to grow up because when our parents pass, he’s not going to keep bailing me out or helping me as I do, and that no one will be able to take those two days off, and I have to watch the boys.”
“Plus, he claims I never told him it was a day shift job because that won’t work for him and f**ks everyone else over, meaning they won’t have someone to watch the boys.”
“After a lot of tears on my part and arguing, I told him I can’t pass up a job that’s willing to pay when I have no other job prospects at the moment, and that I will be going to the orientation those 2 days this month, and he has until the end of April to find alternate childcare.”
“Now neither he nor his wife will talk to me, other than to ask when the baby last had a bottle when walking in the door, because they now have to figure out childcare.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA – you have to take care of yourself.”
“Did I read correctly that they only pay you $100/month to watch 2 kids??”
“That’s insanely cheap.”
“Also, how exactly is he continually bailing you out?”
“Snag the job and don’t look back.”
“Congrats on the new gig.” ~ CatDog4565
“HE is bailing YOU out?”
“That’s laughable.”
“Once he sees how much childcare costs for HIS children, he might see how much you’re bailing him and his wife out.”
“These are not your children.”
“You don’t have to watch them ever, at all.”
“He and his wife chose to have kids; they are responsible for them 100%.”
“Their scheduling conflicts belong to them.”
“If they cannot afford childcare, they can change their job/schedule to something that works for their family.”
“Notice how I didn’t include you in any of this?”
“The kids have 2 parents.” ~ According-Paint6981
“Agreed. Figure out the going daycare rate for 2 kids for 6 hours/day, 5 days a week.”
“Throw that number in his face and ask who has been bailing who out for 4 years.”
“Honestly, he’s just panicking because he has a family he can’t afford.”
“Or at a minimum, will have to significantly tighten up the budget and lower his lifestyle.”
“But taking that fear out on you is grossly unfair.”
“By the way, if your mom has also been babysitting for free, she’s been bailing him out, too.”
“How is that any different than what she’s doing for you?”
“Your brother needs a reality check.” ~ Spiritual_Promise735
“5-6 hours per day.”
“For ease of calculations, let’s assume this is weekdays only and there are 4 weeks in a month for 20 weekdays/month.”
“6 hours per day x 20 days is 120 hours.”
“You are looking after 2 small children for cents per hour.”
“That is appalling.”
“I’m sure you love these children, but their care is not your problem or your responsibility.”
“Your brother and his wife need to sort their lives out and be responsible for their own children.”
“Your brother wants you to stay unemployed because it suits him.”
“Virtually free childcare suits him.”
“He does not want you to succeed in life or be anything more than you currently are.”
“He is selfish and disgusting.” ~ BuzzyLightyear100
“Easier solution.”
“Don’t watch them starting now.”
“I’m all for doing my family a solid whenever I can, but I’ve had it blow up on me a couple of times.”
“As soon as that happens, it is done.” ~ Responsible-Part3982
“$100 a month to watch both boys.”
“Talk about an insult to injury here. NTA.”
“Your brother chose to have kids young; he chose not to find a sitter and rely on you doing it for basically nothing, then tries to belittle you?”
“F**K. THAT.”
“OP, please grow a spine here, tell him to shove his attitude where the sun doesn’t shine, focus on your life, and go low to no contact with him, his wife, and anyone else who supports this nonsense.”
“Family is not free childcare.”
“HE chose to have kids, YOU did not.”
“YOU are not responsible for his needs.” ~ Discount_Mithral
“And the fact that they refuse to talk to her, while she is still currently looking after their kids… OP needs to tell them she’s not coming back after the 2 days of orientation.”
“OP is NTA, except maybe to herself for putting up with this treatment for so long.” ~ kittyfantastico85
“First of all – NTA. OP, the only one bailing someone out here is you.”
“Daycare expenses would be thousands of dollars a month for 2 kids. You’re giving him a HUGE discount/savings.”
“They are angry as they know their gravy train is ending.”
“Congratulations on the new job and enjoy your well-deserved sleep!” ~ HilVis
“Yep. I got lucky to find a great low-cost daycare when I needed it, and it was stil $260 A WEEK.”
“The people watching my kid deserve to be well paid, and I wish I could do more for them every day, but I also have to pay my living expense bills, so that’s the most I can afford.”
“OP is getting ripped off for 2 children at only $100 a month.”
“Even if it’s what the parents can afford. If they can’t afford more, they can’t be unreasonable jerks.”
“Their gratefulness should try to make up for the lack of funds.” ~ level27jennybro
“If he wants to pay you a full-time salary, then sure.”
“I can’t believe even for a second that anyone would agree to 3-4 hrs sleep.”
“He’s NOT helping you.”
“He’s using you.”
“And when your parents are gone, you’d be better off without him.”
“Hon, you need to build yourself and your bank account so you never need that a**hole. NTA.”
“Put a contract together if you ever watch the kids again.”
“It’s NO from here on out because whatever you do isn’t enough.” ~ Comeback_321
“NTA. 100 a month?”
“He’s taking the mic.”
“I don’t see where he’s helped you or bailed you out; only where he’s expected an awful lot from you for very little.”
“Instead of dealing with this, you should be celebrating your new job.”
“‘Now neither he nor his wife will talk to me, other than to ask when the baby last had a bottle when walking in the door because they now have to figure out childcare.'”
“I’d tell her where she can stick that bottle.” ~ happybanana134
OP came back with an Update…
“Update: I just finished my orientation, and it went great!”
“I haven’t really talked with my brother, but my S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] started acting like nothing happened after a day or two (other than one comment about having to work more hours now).”
“The only issue I had since was a small issue as I have 3 training days next week that while not mandatory are highly encouraged so I can learn more about the products we sell and my mom said she and dad couldn’t get any more days off and unless the training was mandatory or paid then I didn’t need to go and could watch the kids.”
“I asked my new H[uman] R[esources] and they said the training is NOT mandatory but is paid should we go to the training so my mom had no room to argue!”
“I had originally told my brother the store wouldn’t open until the end of next month, but I don’t think any of us accounted for all the training I would have to attend before then.”
“I’ve got the three training days next week, a day in the week after that, and I will be finally training in the store on the 2nd of next month, before the store opens.”
“This has forced my brother to move up the schedule, and now he only works half shifts so that he can be home before our mom has to go to work.”
It’s great that you put yourself first. OP
You’re not a servant to your brother and his family.
It was time for them to get it together.
Reddit has your back.
Good luck with the new job.