Woman Confronts Husband For Deleting Messages From His Female Coworker And Silencing Her Notifications

There's truly nothing wrong with a man and a woman being friends or even working together, and their ability to work together or share a friendship is not an immediate indicator of something more.

But deleting text messages and lying about one's whereabouts sure could be, side-eyed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.

Redditor Scillowski was fine with her husband exchanging numbers with his new female coworker for work purposes, but when his behavior grew increasingly unusual and he became protective of his phone, she grew suspicious.

When she confronted him with her concerns, and he loudly protested, the Original Poster (OP) was sure, because of his outburst, that she'd caught him in the middle of some kind of lie.

She asked the sub:

"Am I overreacting for asking my husband about her?"

The OP was aware that her husband exchanged numbers with a female coworker.

"My husband and I got together when I was 22, and he was 33. Now, my (33 Female) husband (44 Male) have met this girl, Geneviève (25 Female) through a mutual friend."

"They exchanged phone numbers for work reasons."

"I've never met this girl, but exchanging numbers wasn't a problem for me."

The OP's husband's behavior became increasingly strange.

"At first, everything was fine, until I noticed that my husband was deleting all the messages."

"I confronted him about it, and he said that he deletes all messages related to work, not just hers."

"I accepted his explanation, but I made it clear that I don't like this."

"Until today. I was at work, and he wasn't answering the phone. When I got home, I saw that he was sleeping and the phone was on silent."

"A technician was supposed to come for some work in the house. Since they only have his number, I took his phone to contact the technician."

"That's when I noticed that Geneviève's notifications were silenced."

The OP's husband had a much bigger reaction than she expected when she confronted him.

"I woke him up, telling him that the technician would arrive soon and calmly asking why his phone was on silent."

"All h**l broke loose! He started yelling and saying he didn't know, that the phone does whatever it wants, and asking what I wanted from him."

"Then I specifically asked why Geneviève's notifications were silenced. He got even angrier, saying things I don't even understand."

"Seven hours have passed, and he is still angry. The angrier he gets, the more convinced I am that I caught him in his lie! Sooooo, was I wrong for confronting him?"

"AIO?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NOR: Not Overreacting
• YOR: You're Overreacting

Some were certain that something was going on between the two of them.

"Nahhhh, that's sketchy as f**k. Something is going on." - IntrepidLove1518

"You aren't overreacting. Everyone deserves to feel respected and safe in a relationship."

"Part of that is being able to safely ask questions and bring doubtful situations to light while trusting that your partner cares about your concerns and knows your character. If you can't do that, then it's not a healthy relationship." - Kever87

"Honestly, the fact that he blew up that fast over a simple question would make my brain go 'hmm,' too. If everything was normal, he could've just said, 'Oh yeah, I muted it earlier,' and gone back to sleep." - Sea_Contract8197

"Sis, I guarantee any story involving an adult man meeting a 25-year-old named Geneviève ends in him at least trying for sex. At least in his mind, which could explain how defensive he is; he's either very guilty or very, very embarrassed." 

"But for real... I don't buy the 'I delete work messages' thing at all. You never know when you'll need some random bit of info from a conversation seven months ago for some project, so that is super sus."

"His reaction to the phone thing would be a problem even if it didn't indicate he was doing something he shouldn't be; there's no reason to get so angry about it." - MentionInner4448

"His unhinged yelling was his trying to divert OP from the issue at hand. OP, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your husband is emotionally cheating at best and may be sleeping with Miss Mutual Friend (a.k.a extra squeeze)." - Intelcourier

"Sounds like his reaction was way over the top and suggests something could be going on between the two of them. I would expect him to cut all contact with this woman." - jdz50

Others pointed out that a person "working" would not delete their work history.

"Work means CYA (cover your a**). I want it allllllll in writing." - There-Is-A-Catch

"How can you 'per my last email/text' if you're deleting your work messages? These are OTHER kinds of messages, girl." - Both-Condition2553

"In my opinion, unless one has a legal or government-mandated reason to delete messages, just deleting messages is enough for one to assume wrongdoing. OP is underreacting. I'd have one foot out the door over that 'I delete messages' bulls**t." - SmileAggravating9608

"I highly doubt he needs to delete messages for work, because if they were discussing things that required that level of sensitivity, I have a feeling they wouldn't be using text messages or another messenger app connected to a private phone." - ryan098711

"One of my bosses really stresses me out, so when they send me a text, and after I respond, I delete the entire f&cking thread so I don't need to see it anymore. That turned out to be an issue when I forgot to save their number and really needed it and had to ask for it again. But... all that said... I highly doubt that's what his problem is." - spreadthesheets

Some were also side-eyeing the age gaps between the OP, her husband, and his coworker.

"He's using his wife as a placeholder while he manipulates the new young woman into his clutches. OP started dating her husband when she was 22, and he was 33."

"Honestly, the age gap alone, without knowing when they started dating, made me side-eye them. Age gaps are always suspect without more info, but they're almost always not good." - SVINTGATSBY

"22 and 33 are very questionable. Once you cross 30, age gaps don't matter. You can date 30 and 50 or even 60. But anything below 25 is not okay. 25-30 is still icky but meh." - Useful-Emphasis-6787

"NOR. You have aged out, and he's lost interest. He's working on his next wife. Who will also age out once she passes 30, and he'll start working on wife number three. Or he'll get smart and not marry, so it's easier to get rid of the too old woman and get with the next young girl." - KotoDawn

"It's someone in their 20s and someone in their 30s or older. It's also about how they met, lots of factors actually. But when I see a young woman (or man, just far less common) in a relationship with someone who is ten years or older than them, it's suspicious."

"Like when senior boys (18) only pursue freshman girls (14). It's not necessarily always predatory, but it can be indicative of predation. Like when people purposefully seek out naive, inexperienced people because they will be less likely to push back against abuse, control, etc., more likely to submit to their desires, more impressionable and manipulable, and less likely to know any better, whereas the girls their own age know their tactics and know to steer clear."

"'It's not like we're talking about children,' well, one of them is much more akin to a child than the other. When she was 20, he would've been 31. When OP was 18, her now-partner would've been 29. When she was 10, he was 21. Does that frame it better for you?"

"Just because people are legally adults doesn't mean they're actually cognitively mature. When I was a kid, I thought adults like people in their thirties were smart and s**t. Now I'm in my 30s and can now recognize that there are people who are decades older than me who are less mature than literal school children, and people in their twenties don't have life much more figured out than high schoolers who think they know everything."

"All of that to say: age gaps tend to be problematic more than they don't." - EmergencyWild

"This was how my ex was. Over three decades, he had three affairs that I know of. He left me for the last one. I was dumb to stay, but I didn't even know about the second one until after I knew about the third one. They were all about 15 years younger than him."

"Your guy's reaction to you asking about the phone is so typical of cheaters. NOR. In fact, look into leaving for your own sanity. It won't stop here." - FireWaterSuperpower

"Don't even ask him to cut all contact with this woman… YOU should cut all contact with him. People who are shady like this don't change. Don't waste your good years with someone who is lying." - CommercialDull6436

As much as the OP might want her marriage to work, there were alarm bells going off that no one could ignore. Even if the husband hadn't cheated yet doesn't mean he didn't want to or hadn't tried.

Unfortunately, the age gap in his marriage also spoke volumes about his interactions with his new coworker.

There was a distinct possibility that he was interested in her because of her age, meaning that the OP needed to take care of herself and prepare an exit plan, just in case her instincts were right.