Try as we might, it’s very difficult not to worry about how we are perceived in the eyes of others.
Even if we might not even cross these people’s minds, sometimes we still find ourselves taking their actions, words and behavior personally.
Sometimes, it even negatively impacts important relationships and friendships.
The daughter of Redditor Outrageous-Jelly8777 had recently flown the coop and moved in with her boyfriend.
While the original poster (OP) was slowly getting used to this new arrangement, they were surprised and upset that their daughter’s boyfriend was dragging their feet on a certain matter.
Eventually, leading the OP to take care of this matter himself.
A move that the OP’s boyfriend felt “undermined” him.
Wondering if they stepped out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for fixing my daughter’s car when her boyfriend said he’d handle it?”
The OP explained why they upset their daughter’s boyfriend:
“My daughter (21 F[emale]) and I have always been pretty close.”
“She moved in with her boyfriend a couple months ago.”
“It was a little tough seeing her move out but I know she’s an adult and building her own life.”
“She drives an old Corolla with a lot of miles on it.”
“A couple weeks ago she mentioned the steering wheel had started shaking when she got up to highway speeds and sometimes the front end would shudder when she braked.”
“She told me her boyfriend said he would take care of it.”
“Another week went by and it still hadn’t been looked at.”
“Last weekend she came by my place and said it was getting worse and it was starting to make her nervous to drive.”
“So I took it for a quick drive and sure enough the wheel was shaking pretty good around 60 mph and it shuddered when I hit the brakes.”
“I pulled the front wheels off in the driveway and it was pretty obvious the front brake rotors were warped and the brake pads were worn unevenly.”
“I ran to the parts store, grabbed new rotors and pads, and swapped them out that afternoon.”
“Took a couple hours and after that the car drove smooth again.”
“My daughter was really happy and thanked me a bunch.”
“To me it wasn’t a big deal.”
“I’ve worked on cars most of my life and she’s my kid.”
“A few days later she and her boyfriend came over for dinner.”
“At one point he pulled me aside and told me I shouldn’t have fixed the car.”
“He said it was his responsibility as her boyfriend to handle that kind of thing and that by doing it myself I stepped on his toes.”
“I told him I wasn’t trying to prove anything.”
“The car was getting worse and I just fixed it while she was there.”
“Since then he’s been pretty short with me and the vibe has been a little weird.”
“My daughter says he feels like I undermined him.”
“From my point of view she’s still my daughter and if something on her car is unsafe and I can fix it in an afternoon I’m going to.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for fixing their daughter’s car.
Everyone agreed that the OP should not have felt undermined by the OP, but grateful. H
ad they not fixed their daughter’s car, she could have been seriously injured, with some even urging the OP to convince his daughter to end this relationship:
“NTA at all.”
“The boyfriend showed that her safety was not a priority.”
“Worn rotors are a safety issue.”
“Hope she realizes this and ditches the boyfriend.”
“If he can’t make her a priority for something as important as her safety when driving, then that’s pretty telling.”- SuZe_Q_Skates
“NTA.”
“When was he going to fix it?”
“When she got in an accident?”
“That’s your BABY, you care for her more than he ever could.”
“He’s risking her safety by not fixing it sooner when he said he would.”- Absolutely_Not_Kevin
“NTA.”
“I’d be having a discussion with my daughter about how messed up it is that her boyfriend would rather have her driving around an unsafe car that could possibly hurt/kill her, and others, for however long it took him to get around to it as opposed to just being thankful it got done, and she’s safe.”-Dust601
“NTA.”
“Your daughter’s safety goes beyond his ego.”- AcanthocephalaOne285
“NTA.”
“I would have replied with ‘then you should have done it’.”- culdron
“NTA.”
“But you should have used your Dad card and lit his @ss up about allowing your daughter to drive that car for as long as he did without fixing it.”
“If he wants to be ‘The Man,’ then he needs to step up and do the work.”
“If my experience tells me anything, her car still wouldn’t be fixed if you hadn’t taken care of it.”-QBee_TNToms_Mom
“My boyfriend picked up pretty quickly that if he wanted to help me with something, he would have to do it quickly, or my dad would do it.”
“That’s how it goes.”
“If he wants to be the one responsible for helping your daughter, then he needs to learn to take initiative.”
“NTA.”- poyotimebaby
“NTA.”
“Well, she brought it up to me several times, and you hadn’t fixed it yet, so I did. Next time, have a sense of urgency when it comes to my daughter’s safety if you think you’re a ‘real man’.”- Temeriki
“NTA.”
“To be clear, you are asking whether you should have refused to use your vast car knowledge to fix your daughter’s dangerous car for free when she asked you to, rather than possibly her dying on the way home, because her boyfriend had said he would fix it a week ago and hadn’t even looked at it?”
“She needs to ditch this jerk.”- TrustTechnical4122
“Uh, hell no.”
“If my daughter has an issue and it’s staring me in the face, then as her parents, we’re going to fix it.”
“The boyfriend sounds like he felt emasculated by her dad, which is weird.”
“NTA OP, let your daughter know if she changes her mind, she’s always welcome back home.”-Intelligent-Panda-33
“She straight up CAME TO YOU for help with it.”
“NTA.”- LadyWinniePooh
“Talk to your daughter about her boyfriend putting his pride over her safety.”
“This is something she should take into account.”
“NTA.”- TemporaryOwlet
“NTA.”
“HE pulled YOU aside in your own home for taking care of your daughter fully with her permission?”
“The nerve of this guy.”- nephelefent
“NTA.”
“He had more than enough time to handle it. She was getting nervous to drive. At that point, it needed fixing, end of story.”
“You are a great parent!”- Low-Secret-8054
“NTA, his feelings are not your priority here.”
“Your daughter’s safety is.”-_Blupee
“NTA.”
“He didn’t handle it, so you did.”- ConflictGullible392
“NTA.”
“This comment would have me very concerned about whether this boyfriend has controlling tendencies.”
“It’s ridiculous to assume that you wouldn’t step in to help your kid regardless, but especially with issues of safety.”
“Ensuring a vehicle is safe to drive is not something that should wait until he gets around to it.”
“I would have a conversation with your daughter about his statement if you think she’d be receptive to it.”- Impressive_Letter_24
“NTA.”
“It’s still your job to keep your daughter safe, and he didn’t treat it with the urgency it merited.”
“My dad would have done the same.”- Radiant_Annual_4027
“NTA.”
“Boyfriend’s attitude about you doing something to protect your daughter is worrisome.”
“His behavior toward you is childish at best.”- HighlyCaffein8edSoul
“NTA.”
“I would’ve told him off on the spot for letting it get so far.”
“Also for speaking to her gf’s dad like that while just being a random boyfriend who can’t even get stuff done on time.”- _lefthook
“NTA.”
“He wants control of your daughter.”
“Not a team player for what’s best for your daughter’s safety.”
“That’s not a healthy relationship at all.”
“Thanks for being a great parent to her. & be there for her always cause this relationship is gonna be a problem.”- Karlette88
“NTA.”
“Odd behavior from him.”
“You did your job as a parent; he should be more thankful.”- ChaosCam8008
“NTA, it’s not a competition, it’s literally public safety.”- corner_tv
“NTA.”
“Red flag.”
“Make sure your daughter knows about this, and have her look out for more strange behavior.”
“Stepping on his toes?”
“What?”- recreationalgluttony
“As the dad, I’m actually surprised that you don’t pull him aside and say, ‘If you ever put my daughter in danger like that again, we’re going to have a serious discussion.”
“He procrastinated fixing something that was potentially dangerous.”
“He wasn’t on top of it.”
“The boyfriend should feel undermined; he’s not a man of his word.”
“NTA.”- frankenberrysgrrl
The boyfriend of the OP’s daughter had every right to feel embarrassed, as the OP quickly solved a problem he had been claiming he would solve for weeks.
However, if embarrassed is all he feels, he should consider himself lucky.
As he’d likely be feeling something much worse than embarrassment had something happened to the OP’s daughter, all because he neglected to repair her car.