There is nothing more frustrating and stress inducing than discovering you need to get out of your current living situation.
Even if you know doing so is a necessity for your health and safety, it’s sadly not an easy thing to do.
As there are several factors that need to come into place before you can vacate your current residence.
Nor do certain people make fulfilling this necessary change as easy as it should be.
Redditor Agreeable_Sky_9983 discovered the hard way that staying in her current apartment was no longer possible.
While the original poster (OP) knew her roommate wouldn’t be thrilled with this news, things ended up going far worse than she could have expected.
As the OP’s demanded strict conditions for this to happen, even going so far as to threaten her.
Wondering if she was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITAH? my roommate says I can’t move out until after her wedding.”
The OP explained why she wanted out of her current home, and why her roommate wasn’t having it:
“I (34 F[emale]) have been living in hotels and with an ex partner for the last 4 months because my apartment tested positive for mold, which I’m highly reactive/allergic to.”
“At the same time, my 5 year old dog suddenly became severely ill.”
“Her x-rays showed alarming inflammation in her lungs and overnight she was struggling to breathe.”
“I packed a suitcase and left immediately thinking the mold was affecting her also.”
“My plan was to find another place to stay while our landlord remediated the house.”
“Devastatingly, only 2.5 weeks later my dog passed away.”
“Her passing was extremely traumatic for me, but I will omit those details.”
“I was in a very, very dark place.”
“Not only did I lose my bestfriend and was living out of a suitcase, I also found out some unfortunate news regarding my own health, all the while being unemployed and living on savings and some generous help from my ex partner.”
“The night my girl passed away, my ex insisted I move into the extra bedroom of his apartment so I wouldn’t grieve alone.”
“He assured me that I could stay for as long as I needed to get back on my feet as well my house to be safe again.”
“We get along super well, and I’m so grateful for his help.”
“The whole time I’ve been here, both of my roommates have been constantly asking when I was coming back.”
“Mind you, I’ve been paying my $2,200 rent plus utilities this whole time.”
“I live in SF, lol.”
“My answer has always been the same: I’m not coming back until the house is remediated.”
“Unfortunately something was delaying the process of it all.”
“Last week, I finally decided that I no longer wanted to pay rent for a place that I wasn’t living in, especially because I was still unemployed. I knew the timing of my notice was less than ideal because my roommate ‘Kate’ (46 F[emale]), who is the master tenant and responsible for finding a replacement tenant, is in the throws of planning her wedding, amongst other things like talking to a surrogacy agency and immigration for her fiancé, and I feel awful.”
“I knew that she wasn’t going to take the news well, but her reaction was far more unexpected than I thought.”
“When I told her I was moving out (7 week notice) she said that the timing didn’t work for her and that I was being unkind.”
“She threatened to keep my deposit if I didn’t push my move out date by another month.”
“When I told her that was illegal she started to freak out and told me that our friendship would be over.”
“I was in shock.”
“She said ‘you knew about the wedding for months!’, but I honestly didn’t have the mental clarity to make that big of a decision until very recently.”
“I told her as soon as I knew.”
“I can’t help but feel horrible and guilty, but all my friends are telling me 7 weeks is more than fair and she is the one being a bad friend.”
“I just have no idea because they are obviously biased.”
“I’m just so tired of being a people pleaser and I would essentially lose over $2k to make it convenient for her.”
“AITAH if I don’t push my move out date by another month?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community stood firmly behind the OP, agreeing that she would not be the a**hole if she moved out of her place prior to Kate’s wedding.
Everyone agreed that not only was Kate being totally unreasonable, but that neither she nor the OP should even be paying rent right now if the mold situation was so bad that their home was uninhabitable:
“NTA.”
“But i don’t understand why on earth you are all paying rent to the landlord if its tested positive for mold?”
“You should all be renting an airbnb together or something and not paying for an unlivable house.”-Queenasheeba99
“NTA.”
“Hit up the San Francisco Tenants union for help.”
“You have been super generous paying for a place you can’t live in.”
“Your (ex)friend should be grateful you have been paying despite not living there.”
“Surely the landlord should be responsible for remediation and you should not be paying rent at this time.”- MonkeyMom2
“NTA.”
“Also speak with an attorney regarding the removal of all the mold in the home.”
“If you can’t live in the house because of the mold, you maybe able to get all your money back.”
“Or not be responsible for the current rent.”
“The mold is a landlord issue & if it’s bad, no one should be living there.”- MaeSilver909
“‘She said the timing didn’t work for her’.”
“Not your problem.”
“You’ve been waiting for the problem to be fixed, it hasn’t been.”
“You’ve been paying rent for a property you can’t live in.”
“NTA.”
“Make sure you put it in writing, including the dates that you expect your funds back by.”
“If you don’t get them, up the ante.”
“Her financial commitments are not your concern.”
“She has plenty of time to find a new roommate.”- use_your_smarts
“It sounds like you shouldn’t be paying rent AT ALL since she hasn’t fixed the mold issue that is making your housing unlivable.”
“NTA.”- Couch-Witch
“NTA.”
“But you need a landlord/tenant lawyer yesterday.”- CoastalLegal
“Don’t feel guilty.”
“If being a landlord is her job (sounds like it is at least one of them) it’s not your problem to also be her friend.”
“She is unprofessional for guilting you, not to mention a bit selfish for giving you sh*t knowing what you’re going through with your health and dog and joblessness.”
“You gave ample time for the notice and continued to pay everything on time.”
“That’s all your responsibility was. In your situation I would stop apologizing to her and ignore the guilt tripping.”
“NTA and tell her she should be glad you didn’t demand back pay for the months made your home inhabitable to you.”- Overall_Fox_8262
“NTA.”
“But you should not have been paying rent all these months for a house you could not live in due to mold.”
“I think you can and should get this back from the landlord.”- ScarletNotThatOne
“NTA.”
“Read your lease.”
“There you will find your notice period, and when you can move out.”
“Everything else is NOT relevant.”- k23_k23
“NTA.”
“Kate has a lot on her plate?”
“Well, so do you!”
“You have significant health problems, you are out of work, and you are grieving.”
“That’s a lot to cope with.”
“What’s more, Kate had a lot more agency in choosing the things to load onto her own plate than you did in choosing the things on yours.”
“You didn’t choose to be allergic to mold.”
“You didn’t choose to lose your dog.”
“And I’m guessing you didn’t choose to be out of work.”
“In contrast, Kate wants some consideration from you because she’s talking to a surrogacy agency?”
“Well, that could be put on hold, for starters!”
“If you’ve been paying rent plus utilities for 4 months for a place you don’t live in, all while unemployed, I think you’ve been more than fair to Kate.”
“Get some advice from a tenancy support service, such as a tenants union or a lawyer.”
“As long as you’re meeting whatever legal obligations apply where you live, you can stop feeling guilty.”
“If your friendship with Kate is over, it doesn’t sound like much of a loss.”
“All I know about Kate is what you’ve written in this post, and I can’t say I’m warming to her.”-ThisWillAgeWell
Finding a new roommate or tenant is certainly a stressful endeavor.
Even so, it’s hard to fathom how Kate can still expect the OP to live in a place that was frighteningly hazardous to her health.
Not quite as unfathomable, however, as the fact that Kate, the OP and the rest of the roommates were still paying rent in an uninhabitable home.