Exchanging recipes is something a lot of people do, whether it’s their family’s favorite cookie or the new concoction they invented the night before.
An amateur cook who gets called on to help their friends with meal suggestions turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after their latest recipe wasn’t a hit with everyone.
Secret_Life_Shh asked:
“AITA for telling my friend’s fiancé to F-off when he complained about them using my recipe?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“For context, I (trans male, 30) LOVE to cook. I love finding recipes to try as well as just throwing things together and tweaking it until it’s right.”
“A lot of my friends actually have notebooks JUST for my recipes as well as how they changed it to either fit their tastes, diet requirements, what they had on hand, etc… Basically, we just swap notes and pictures of finished meals back and forth as often as possible.”
“Everyone says my specialty is pasta dishes; which is relevant to this post.”
“A little over a year ago, I met someone (nonbinary, 29) who loved cooking and kitchen experiments as much as I do! We quickly became best friends and most of our message logs are just food pics and the recipe used or talking about what we got on sale at various markets.”
“They sadly moved across the country to be with their fiancé a couple months later, so we try to call/face-time as often as possible. Their fiancé (male, 28) and I exchange messages once in a while as he also likes to cook.”
“But it’s clear we’re simply polite and civil. No dislike of each other, but simply put: we’re not ‘friend material’.”
“A few days ago, my friend messaged me and asked, ‘How can I get rid of a pack of bacon, half a box of pasta, various peppers, and several partial bags of pre-shredded cheese before they expire?’ I asked for specifics (brands, types, amounts of each thing) and whipped up a quick cheesy pasta pan-made dish.”
“I then took notes for cooking times as well as which seasonings/amounts I used and left it at that. As always, I added the disclaimer of, ‘Of course, do what you want with it. This is just the basic outcome of ingredients listed’.”
“Tonight, my friend face-timed me as they made the recipe and showed me what they added to it in addition to the basics and the call lasted until they were about to sit down to eat. They were over the moon excited to show me as ‘I am the God of pasta so my approval means a lot’.”
“However, the conversation got derailed when the fiancé LOUDLY expressed his annoyance of eating cheese ‘For the third time this week!’ and refused to eat even a single bite.”
“My friend, clearly hurt, argued that 1) The cheese was going to expire so HAD to be used, 2) He knew what they were making and said it sounded good, 3) Could have asked the cheese NOT be added to the main dish, and 4) Could have cooked his own meal.”
“The call cut off at that point.”
“A couple hours later, my friend texted me to apologize for their fiancé’s behavior and to tell me that they as well as their coworkers LOVED the meal. After the fight, my friend took the meal to a coworkers house to get space.”
“A few minutes after that, the fiancé called me and I answered; figuring he was going to apologize like any sane person would. Instead, he proceeded to chew me out and say how sick he was of eating cheese.”
“I let him have his say for about 30 seconds and simply told him to ‘F all the way off!’ He hung up and that was that.”
“I could be chill with his little tantrum for the most part because my friend said they were OK following the fight and that’s all I care about. But to CALL ME TO CONTINUE?”
“My friend says I did the right thing.”
“I have mild lactose issues, so yeah, if I were expected to eat cheese-heavy meals THREE times a week, I’d likely grumble about it.”
“But, guess what? I wouldn’t take it out on someone who just shared the damn recipe!
“I would also either ask that the chef hold the cheese for my servings if possible, or would simply make my own damn food.”
After several Redditors suggested the fiancé is jealous over the friendship, the OP added:
“The thing is, they are in an open relationship, so my friend potentially liking me SHOULD be OK. Not his first time spitting the dummy with me, so yeah, something has to give.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I could be the a**hole because in MOST cases, telling someone to F-off for complaining about food would be a bit ‘much’ and rather rude. Everyone will have opinions, be they in agreement or disagreement about the situation.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“Your friend was right. NTA, that guy has issues. As if you controlled his damn diet!” ~ A_Classy_Ghost
“I have a feeling it’s not about the Iranian Yogurt, OP. It never is. Is it possible your friend may like you, or that their fiance thinks they like you? It feels like it’s just a projection of his jealousy or something else going on behind the scenes.”
“But, you’re definitely NTA either way. Next time, feel free to offer him the pick of one of your finest cacti that he may go f*ck himself with.” ~ Butterfly_Chasers
“Methinks fiancé isn’t as cool with the open relationship as he pretends.”
“Either he wants ‘rules for thee but not for me’ or he’s really not built to be open relationship material and is jealous.”
“Either way, that’s your friend’s mess to figure out, so good luck to them.” ~ impassiveMoon
“I cannot eat cheese, but would take it up with my partner, not some random friend who sent a recipe over. OP is NTA. The couple has issues.” ~ ServelanDarrow
“If he were involved with the grocery shopping, they wouldn’t have an excess of cheese that had to be eaten right now! Unless he was involved, in which case all the cheese is partly his fault. Either way, NTA for the OP.” ~ Stormtomcat
“I’d grumble on the inside, but on the outside I’d say, ‘thank you for planning & cooking another meal, it’s delicious and that took a lot of work’. And then maybe find a tactful way to suggest a cheese-less meal for the next week.” ~ itsnotlikewereforkin
“NTA. Damn! How hard is it for him to say, ‘hey do you mind making my portion without cheese?’ Even my small kids can verbalize this when we’re cooking together.
“He was right there as she was making it and already knew what all the ingredients were. He sounds like a whiner.”
“Good on you for telling him to f*ck off!” ~ Less-Quality6326
“NTA, and that guy has serious issues. If he doesn’t like the food that someone else is cooking for him, he should cook for himself. He’s ungrateful and lazy.” ~ mrsmozart
“NTA for not entertaining some guy’s annoyance with cheese. More for the rest of us.” ~ ScaryButterscotch474
“I’m so confused how you even got involved in his issue. How is it your problem if he doesn’t like the food his fiancée made? She’s 100% correct on all her points, but it’s so weird for him to bring it up to you, a third party, at all. NTA.” ~ Acheloma
“This doesn’t seem the appropriate way people should be behaving in their late 20s early 30s. Yikes, sounds like teenagers at the oldest. He sounds like my 8-year-old niece throwing a tantrum.” ~ DDD8712
“NTA. You are being the help your friend requested. This man’s issues are not your problem.” ~ Regular-Tell-108
“NTA. If he wanted a dish without cheese, he could have cooked for himself.” ~ getstrongandlean
“So much irrelevant information about your relationship with cooking, but NTA—this is an argument between the two of them. The main issue is that he was rude to his girlfriend in front of you, but you have nothing to do with that. Best to put it out of your head and move on.” ~ Elegant-Analyst-7381
“How old is the fiancé? 4?” ~ Jacintaleishman
“The four-year-olds I know are able to verbalise if they don’t want something in a dish with a little more decorum than this man.” ~ Reddit
“NTA. It seems to me this is not about the cheese. It’s about probably some other issue.”
“Maybe the fiancé is jealous of the time you and your friend spend together on the phone or FaceTime? I don’t know your situation.”
“It doesn’t sound excessive, but maybe it is? Or maybe he’s just being a controlling jerk (more likely). But yeah, I don’t think this is entirely about the cheese.” ~ Firecrotch2014
“NTA. What maniac complains about eating ‘too much’ cheese‽‽ There’s no such thing. The sentiment that you can have too much cheese, alone, is blasphemy.” ~ StragglingShadow
Too much cheese?
Sounded more like too much whine.