There’s nothing quite like the “unconditional love” from a parent who reminds their child on every occasion that they can of all that they’ve done for them.
But these parents reach a new low when they sabotage their child’s success under the guise of taking care of “the family,” including taking a child’s financial savings away, pointed out the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor ChoppedShyyt had been putting money into his savings account since he was in middle school, which grew to a healthy savings before he’d go off to college.
So he was shocked when he discovered that his savings had been depleted, but the Original Poster (OP) could not even wrap his mind around the fact that his parents had felt entitled to take it from him.
He asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting by being upset that my parents secretly drained my entire savings account and called me ungrateful when I confronted them?”
The OP filled us in on some backstory.
“So, this morning, I got a bank notification that my savings account was basically at zero.”
“I’ve been putting money into that account since middle school. It should’ve been anywhere from 10-20k now.”
Here’s a screenshot the OP shared of his account:
The OP reached out to his parents, who had joint access, to solve the mystery.
“When I checked the transactions, I saw multiple withdrawals over the past two months: $2,500, $1,800, $1,200, and $3,100.”
“All are listed as ‘internal transfers.’ I never made them.”
“I texted my parents and found out my parents still had joint access.”
“My mom admitted they’d been pulling from it to cover bills and some ’emergencies.'”
“She said family money is family money and that I should be thankful because they supported me for years.”
You can see the first screenshot of their conversation here:
The mom texted:
“Dad and I had to use some of it for bills. Calm down. It’s our money anyways.”
The OP texted:
“What? All my savings are gone. It was all going towards college funds stuff.”
The OP wasn’t sure that he would be able to forgive what his parents had done.
“But some of the charges lined up with DoorDash orders and even a massage, which doesn’t exactly sound like ’emergencies.'”
“When I called her out, she said I was being ‘dramatic and ungrateful.'”
“My dad backed her up, saying they’ll pay me back, but I feel like that’s a huge violation of trust.”
You can see the second screenshot of their conversation here:
The OP texted:
“You guys don’t have the permission to do this. It’s unfair.”
The mom texted:
“I’m not doing this tone with you.”
“We’ll pay you when we pay you. Drop it.”
“Or else wait [until] Dad and I get home from work.”
The OP texted:
“I’m going to the bank today to see if I can remove joint access and file a dispute.”
The mom texted:
“WOW, you would file a claim against your own parents? After everything we’ve done for you.”
“You’re so ungrateful.”
“We’ll talk about this with your dad when we are home.”
The family was against the OP, but he wasn’t convinced he was overreacting.
“Now the family group chat is blowing up, calling me selfish for even thinking about going to the bank and removing them from the account.”
“My parents say I’m overreacting because ‘it’s all in the family,’ but I honestly feel robbed.”
“Am I wrong for being furious and treating this like theft instead of ‘helping the family’?”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some told the OP that he was NOR and likely not even reacting enough.
“They have zero intention of paying you back. If they were going to pay you back, they would have been returning the money as they borrowed it over the years, not just withdrawing it.”
“My mom used to be on my and my younger brother’s accounts, as well. She would occasionally borrow money when she wasn’t going to have enough to pay the bills. But we were fully aware of it and had boundaries with the account that she respected.”
“She always returned the exact same amount back to our accounts (sometimes included extra) as soon as she was able to. If she wasn’t going to be able to return the money within a few days, she also made sure to give us a heads up that she borrowed the money and told us when to expect it to be returned.”
“My brother and I have a significant age gap, so she wasn’t taking money from both of our accounts at the same time, but she did this with both of us when we were in middle and high school.” – Fabulous_Progress820
“‘I should be thankful because they supported me for years’ …You mean they did the absolute bare minimum that comes with choosing to bring a life into the world?”
“I absolutely hate when parents pull that s**t. You choose to have a child, you know you need to support them, you know it will be expensive so you decide to… guilt-trip them for the decisions that you made?”
“If they had come to you and asked you for help, that’s one thing (and you’d still have every right to say no). But to go sneak around behind your back and steal from you? That’s insane. NOR.” – Fearless-Whereas-854
“I am a father to three kids. So let me give you my opinion from the perspective of a parent.”
“1. It was MY choice to have children. I did not, in any way, ask them if they wanted to be born. I just got my wife pregnant and WE decided to bring them into the world without their consent.”
“2. Because WE chose to have children, it is our DUTY to ensure they are taken care of. This is not a mutually beneficial relationship at all. This is 100% one-sided. My job is to take care of them.”
“Their job is to take care of themselves and their children. Do I hope that they help take care of me, especially when I become elderly? Yes, of course I do. But they do not, in any way, owe that to me at all. It is not their burden to carry.”
“3. There is no such thing as ‘family money.’ There is MY money and there is THEIR money. MY money is used to take care of myself AND my kids. THEIR money is used to take care of themselves and THEIR kids.”
“If I hit hard times, and am forced to ask for money, they are not in any way obligated to lend it to me. And I have no entitlement to their money and have zero right to expect them to lend it to me. My kids, however, are indeed entitled to my money.”
“Again, their money is for them and their kids. Not for me. Just kind of MY money is for me and my kids. Not for my parents. If my kids lend money to me then that’s their choice. But I am not entitled to it at all.”
“4. No, children do not have to be grateful for parents not being deadbeats. Any parent that brings a child into this world and then tells them that they should be grateful for being kept alive by the very who forced them into existence is 100% a Grade A piece of sh*t parent. End of story. A parent’s love is UNCONDITIONAL. It is not entitled to reciprocity at all.”
“5.So, no, you’re not overreacting. No, you’re not being ungrateful. And, no, you’re not being a doormat. I’m sorry that your parents are giving you the finger like that. As a father myself, I am proud of you for standing up for yourself. It is not easy.”
“And I am also d**n proud of you for saving up so much money throughout your childhood. I know that was not easy. And it took a lot of discipline and sacrifice on your part. If anything, your parents are unappreciative of the fine, responsible adult you have become.”
“Your parents may feel that way… but I am a father and I see you. And I am proud of you. Keep being the same way. Don’t let them change you. You’re doing great.” – Concordium
Others urged the OP to financially protect himself in any way possible.
“Don’t even remove them. Open entirely new accounts at a different bank. If they had joint access, there’s not a lot you can do because it’s technically their money legally too.”
“Insist they put funds back in that account immediately (good luck), but bank elsewhere and put passwords and alerts on the account in case they try to impersonate you and gain access. They clearly know your personal info. And multi-factor authentication on the apps.”
“Tell the new bank WHY you’re moving banking and have them note the account. They will be more cautious about verifying owners during transactions because they don’t want liability.”
“Honestly, if it’s possible, go low to no contact. This isn’t how you treat your child.” – verybluejenny
“When a parent opens a college savings account in their child’s name and makes subsequent deposits, that is a gift. A court may see it that way, as well.”
“On a personal note, I would never deplete my child’s account. Once I appropriate any money to my child’s savings, it’s hers and hers alone. With charges to Massage Envy and DoorDash, it seems that Mom obviously has a spending problem and feels entitled to that money. Those are selfish/not needed expenditures–which is disturbing. She should have asked up front.”
“OP’s mom can’t be trusted, and she did wrong on so many fronts. I feel for OP on this. OP: Check your credit to see if your mom has opened credit cards or taken out loans in your name. If she spent all YOUR savings without so much as asking you first, she is fully capable of screwing your credit to fund a ‘it’s all about me’ lifestyle. If she has used your SSN to open anything, that is fraud, and prosecutable. Lock down your credit, even if she hasn’t committed fraud in your name.”
“I am genuinely sorry this happened to you.” – Zestyclose_Bit_9459
“Very important point. They know your MMN, your SSN, your birthdate, where you were born, all that. When setting up security questions, make sure to supply answers that they will not be able to answer.”
“For example, for your MMN answer the color ‘Green.’ For your city of birth, put some nonsense word you will remember, basically anything other than the actual answer, so they can’t break in.” – Birdy_Cephon_Altera
“OP, you need to get your credit report to make sure they haven’t opened any accounts using your SSN, then freeze your credit.”
“Check your credit report before you do literally anything else. I have a friend, and their parents opened multiple credit cards in their name before they turned 18. They didn’t find out until they went to rent an apartment in their twenties. Their parents just barely paid off all of that debt nearly 13 years later…”
“Since your parents are listed on the account, I doubt the bank will do anything but close that account and open a new one. You need to get far, far away from that account. I’m so sorry that they did this to you.” – tamtip
Some who had lived through similar experiences empathized with the OP.
“You’re not overreacting at all. When I was 18, my parents took $10k from my account in order to pay bills (they were also joint on it since it was opened when I was around 13/14).”
“I had no backbone, so when my mom told me she borrowed it but would pay me back, I said okay.”
“My best friend, however, said that was absolutely unacceptable, and helped me set up a bank account with a different bank where all of my money went from that point forward.”
“When my parents found out, they accused me of not trusting them and just seemed overly irritated that I opened a new account elsewhere.”
“To add to that, I never got the money back. My mom would occasionally pay me around $500 and then buy me random gifts or food, saying, ‘I got you [item], we can take that off the amount I owe you.’ Let me add these were not items I asked for, nor things I mentioned wanting/needing.” – Monkey_Ash
“I, too, was robbed by my mother many times. Sometimes the small birthday money I had that ‘she would pay back,’ and of course never did, to stealing all of the inheritance from my dad’s dad that was meant to be put away in an interest-gaining account.”
“She lied for 10+ years, and didn’t tell us she took it all until we were literally on our way to pull out the money now that I was old enough to buy a used car (we lived in a rural area).”
“H**l, this didn’t even touch on the time she committed check fraud using our joint account when I was 17 and making eight bucks an hour. My account was in the hole like $1500, and I worked for free for like… two months (I was still in high school).”
“My mother is quite literally the worst human being I have the displeasure of knowing, and a complete piece of s**t. I’ve done my best to polish the 50% of me that is her turd, but man. It’s tough.”
“And dude, no bulls**t, after months of waiting, she finally ‘bought’ me a $400 TV (this was like 2009) and then said she was even because she bought this TV instead of giving me the money back. Wow, anything to not put actual money back in my hands.”
“My mother literally told me, ‘But I did pay you back.’ God, what a f**king [c-word]. I hate talking about her because it makes me livid just thinking about it, but I also wanted you to know there’s someone out there who’s got a real similar f**kin’ story.” – Brodellsky
“Same situation here but a much smaller amount. Probably $1.5k-$2k that I noticed going missing in my account over the course of two to three years from high school to college.”
“I opened up a new bank account and moved all my money after my mom refused to come with me to remove her name from the joint account I had set up when I was 13 and started working.”
“After that, she drained my little sister’s college savings account to pay for a new roof. The house eventually got foreclosed on after she couldn’t sell it herself.”
“There’s no curing someone that’s become a financial leech; they’ll latch onto someone new after you move on.” – jell-o
“My mom did this with my college fund. She spent it on her wedding when I was 13.”
“She then tried to convince my grandma that I forged her name and took all the money out for drugs at age 13 (grandma knew better). I had no legal recourse.”
“Until this day, she lies to my face about me allegedly stealing the money, and won’t admit the truth. Sometimes, parents just suck. I’m sorry, OP. I wouldn’t count on that money back.” – x409yz
The subreddit was shocked, not only that the OP’s parents took so much of his money, but that they felt such an entitlement to it.
It was clearly time for the OP to create his own accounts and lock his financial information down so that his family could not acquire access to that “family money” anymore, and so that he could focus on saving up for the life he wanted to lead in the future.