Weddings can be a fabulous and fun occasion.
However, a lot of stress goes on behind the scenes.
And a ton of that stress has to do with the guests and their issues.
Case in point…
Redditor Yrboiduck wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for uninviting my gay brother and his boyfriend to my wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (36 M[ale]) am getting married to my soon to be Wife (34 F[emale]).”
“Every thing was going great and we were giving out invitations.”
“When I gave one to my brother (Sam) he asked if he could bring his (22 M) boyfriend to the wedding.”
“I was immediately super fond of the idea as jack (his BF) and I are both very fairly close.”
“About a week after Sam sent a picture of what he was going to be wearing to the wedding in the wedding group chat, it was a rainbow tuxedo.”
“Initially I thought he was joking so I said ‘lmao’ he was very hurt and told me to go f**k myself.”
“He has always been quite feminine in his clothing choices which I am completely ok with.”
“But me and my soon to be wife both thought that what he wanted to wear was inappropriate and would take the attention away from my wife and me.”
“So I told him that him and his boyfriend were both uninvited from our wedding.”
“He told me that the only reason that I didn’t want him there was because I was homophobic.”
“I am very much not homophobic.”
“I go to pride marches and have never had any problem with him being gay.”
“Most of our family agrees with my decision.”
“But some are refusing to come to the wedding now.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
First OP needed to add…
“EDIT: Some things I forgot to include in the original post are…”
“Yes, I did explain to him why this made us uncomfortable but he kept pulling the “well ur just being homophobic” card on my and me soon to be wife.”
“Also on the invitation was a dress code saying black and white only.”
“NTA. A rainbow tuxedo? Seriously???!!!”
“Yes, that WOULD take attention away from the bride and you.”
“He is pulling the gay card in order to strong arm you into letting him wear that to the wedding.”
“As to the people who are refusing to come to the wedding now, send them a picture of the rainbow tuxedo and THEN see what they have to say.”
“HOWEVER, did you give him the option of still coming to the wedding but not wearing that tuxedo?” ~ patjames904
“In high school I was invited to a sweet 16 where the guests were told to dress in black and white, but the birthday girls wore purple.”
“Always struck me as gross & self-centered.”
“Even for a sweet 16 – making sure you stand out against the crowd of plebs.”
“Choosing to wear a bright color (or all the colors!) knowing full well that everyone else is wearing black and white means you planned that outfit very much picturing yourself in the spotlight.”
“Who TF attends their sibling’s wedding with the intention of making everyone, bride and groom included, look like their backup dancers?”
“And then gets pissed when that plan is vetoed??”
“OP is NTA here.” ~ N_A95
“NTA. Your brothers homophobia excuse is ridiculous.”
“I will set aside the discussion of a dress code for guests, as I do have some mixed feelings on this.”
“BUT – If you had asked the guests to wear something colorful and he wanted to wear the rainbow tux, I assume you would be fine with his (and his BF) attending (right?)”
“If they were planning on wearing black and white (as you requested), you were fine them attending.”
“The issue is clothing that was not appropriate (given the dress code).”
“Therefore the issue is not homophobia.”
“Allow this gay male to give your brother some ‘gay faith healing.'”
“To the OP’s brother – (Using palm of hand to gently tap on his forehead).”
“‘Get over yourself Mary!'” ~ Downtown_Evidence_46
“It’s his fault he wasted his money.”
“It’s his fault for buying it before asking if he could wear it.”
“You didn’t ask him to buy it, so that’s his problem.”
“Your brother sounds very dramatic. NTA.” ~ InformalGarlic2285
“The thing that makes you NTA is brother’s response.”
“There’s room to discuss and compromise here but brother going straight to ‘you’re being homophobic’ leaves you with little option but to go nuclear with the uninvite.”
“Like could he not have toned it down to a rainbow waistcoat or tie?”
“These give him the chance to show his personality without going full on ‘show stealer.'”
“I say this as a straight guy who loves to dress flamboyantly.” ~ Shib_san
“Yes, this is the equivalent of wearing a full-length white gown to a wedding and then getting your nose out of joint when you’re told that it’s not an appropriate choice.”
“The suit actually sounds cool, but it also sounds as if it doesn’t belong at a formal wedding.”
“And really, how difficult is it to put together a standard suit – or even rent one?”
“NTA, OP!” ~ Marzipan-Shepherdess
“Here we go again with someone throwing around the word ‘homophobic.'”
“When you simply don’t want to let someone that’s fat so whatever they want.”
“It’s crazy how the default is that they’re suddenly homophobic when they’ve done nothing but say no.”
“Your brother doesn’t get to be a spectacle at YOUR wedding. NTA.”
“PS, I’m not sure if I’m the only one but I’d love to see the suit! Lol.” ~ SuperWomanUSA
“NTA. I have been invited and attended weddings where the dress code was requested.”
“I was a guest for a wedding where it was Alice in Wonderland themed dress code requested.”
“At least your brother can where his at gay pride every year!”
“I gave my outfit to a thrift store!”
“Good luck hope he can get over it and be there for you!” ~ BodyDense
“NTA. Tell them gay redditors think he’s being a big butt and he needs to stop weaponizing homophobia especially with supportive siblings.”
“No one in their right mind would wear something that eccentric to a wedding that is black and white.”
“He’s being stubborn and difficult on purpose.” ~ DoctorNeuro
“NTA. That’s your day.”
“He’s butt hurt because he couldn’t wear what he wanted.”
“When he gets married, he can wear his rainbow tux.”
“I suggest you reconcile with him and work something out.”
“It’s a big day to uninvite your brother over something silly that can easily be fixed.” ~ Chicken_Parm_Calzone
“I am low-key annoyed at your brother for not realizing how lucky he is to have a sibling who clearly loves him.”
“Many of us in the LGBTQ community are not so lucky.”
“Like, you even said you really like his boyfriend and get along with him really well!”
“As a very out and proud gay man, I will state unequivocally that a rainbow tuxedo is cringe in any situation.”
“In this case, it’s downright disrespectful in my opinion.”
“The only reason I could see him wanting to do this that would even make a lick of sense is if you have a bunch of homophobic family members who have treated him poorly.”
“Even then it wouldn’t be cool, but I could maybe wrap my head around why this matters to him.”
“OP, I do hope you see this. You are a great brother. He is lucky to have you.” ~ nice_marmot666
OP came back to discuss…
“UPDATE: I took some of your guises advice and I had a long conversation with my brother’s boyfriend.”
“His boyfriend does not want to make a big thing of this and neither do I.”
“It turns out my brother has been in a really bad place recently and got diagnosed with Bipolar disorder.”
“That is why he flipped at me and made a big deal out of this.”
“I feel like such an asshole about this whole situation and so does my soon to be wife.”
“My brother and his boyfriend are not coming to the wedding due to the state my brother is in now”
“It was his boyfriend who decided that they should not come to the wedding.”
“After learning all of the stuff I know now about my brother I wish I would have let him wear the tux.”
“I feel like complete sh*t for causing him to go into a mental episode.”
“And I have told his boyfriend that my brother can wear whatever he wants to the wedding.”
“But they do not want to come.”
“Not because of the situation, but because my brother isn’t doing very well at the moment but things could change.”
“That was my first update and I will update you all again soon…”
Well OP, Reddit is here for you.
It’s an all around rough situation.
Your brother is suffering and that sucks.
Hopefully there is enough time to work all of this out.
In any event… Happy Wedding!!