Dinner parties are always a nice way to spend time with your friends.
Even if planning a menu can often seem like something of a burden.
As one can never merely cook what they want to at these dinner parties, as they need to take into account what our friends like and dislike, as well as any possible allergies.
After all, what could be more unpleasant than a hungry guest?
Redditor WaterSheepLover01 was excited to attend a dinner party with their friends and felt they knew the perfect dessert for the occasion.
Even though the original poster (OP) knew that one of their friends wouldn’t be able to eat this dessert.
Even so, the OP made it anyway, and the aforementioned friend was anything but pleased to see it.
Surprised by their friend’s reaction, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not considering my friend’s celiac disease when baking?”
The OP explained why a friend of theirs was so angry about the dessert they brought to a recent dinner party:
“So me and my friends had a dinner party and as per usual the people who are not hosting bring drinks/desert, and I brought a desert.”
“I decided to bake an apple pie because everyone liked them and mine are quite good.”
“One of the people attending has celiac disease, but I chose to make the pie normally because it was double the work to have to thoroughly clean everything once or twice, the ingredients with no lactose and gluten were a lot more expensive, and the dough would not come out well or as tasty if I used a bunch of replacements.”
“Baking is very ingredient-sensitive.”
“Be that as it may, when I arrived I explicitly told her that the pie was not made in any special way so I advised her not to eat it.”
“She made a big deal out of it, called me an idiot and said that I could’ve at least made the effort, but I don’t see why I had to, since it wasn’t even her dinner party…”
“So, AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community was somewhat divided as to whether or not they felt the OP was the a**hole for baking a non-gluten-free pie.
Some had trouble sympathizing with anybody, feeling the OP should have at least brought something their friend could eat, but also feeling that their friend overreacted:
“ESH.”
“My husband is Gluten free due to Celiac and he doesn’t want people to go out of their way for him.”
“That being said when we have done potluck dinners, people have at least made an effort to include him such as made a pie but brought him a small container of a store bought gluten free dessert such as cookies.”
“It sounds like you spent so much time explaining why you couldn’t make something GF that you didn’t consider what you could do.”
“Also when I make Gluten free and non GF, I just make the GF item first because then it just takes a quick rinse to clean for the version with Gluten.”- Free_Science_1091
“ESH.”
“Your friend is definitely being a whiny baby, but their hurt feelings are legit.”
“As someone with celiac myself, I adore my friends who make an effort to include me.”
“I also do my best to include my friends who eat vegan, vegetarian, kosher, halal, etc. food is love.”
“The fact that you didn’t consider them speaks volumes about how much you actually care about them.”- bekastek
While others felt the OP did nothing wrong, and their friend badly overreacted, feeling that if she was so intent on having dessert she should have brought one she knew she could eat:
“NTA.”
“My wife has celiac disease.”
“She has never and will never expect other people to go out of their way to accommodate her condition.”
“She’s always appreciative of those that do, but she doesn’t expect it.”
“And honestly, it can be easy to cross contaminate even if you think you’re doing it right.”
“Even things that say ‘gluten-free’ aren’t always really gluten-free.”
“It took me a while to ‘relearn’ to cook and keep the meal truly gluten-free.”
“My family still triple checks everything for family meals we know my wife will be attending.”
“Gluten and cereal grain derivatives show up in a lot more than you might think.”
“Gluten-free baking is nearly an entirely different chemistry than normal baking.”
“You were not wrong on that assumption.”
“And if someone is both gluten- and lactose-free?”
“Forget about it.”
“You would basically need to have an exact recipe from that person to be sure it was going to work, assuming you were not already familiar with how to do it.”
“Now, that being said, it would have been thoughtful of you to inquire if there was something small or pre-made you could bring for your gluten-free friend.”
“That’s not quite enough to call you the AH, but it would have been a nice thought.”
“On the other hand, my wife would’ve likely simply brought her own dessert or volunteered to handle anything that would be inherently problematic for the uninitiated to make gluten-free.”
“Her gluten-free chocolate pound cake is now famous across two families.”- Sylvurphlame
“NTA.”
“As someone with Celiac disease the only way I can see you being slightly in the wrong is by not making as other comments suggested just stewed apples on the side.”
“But in saying this you aren’t obligated to cater to other people’s allergies at all.”
“Most people with celiacs know that events won’t cater to them and bring their own food or eat beforehand.”
“It does suck to feel left out sometimes but yelling and making a scene like the woman with allergies did is not the way to go about it.”
“You also clearly stated it wasn’t safe to eat so that should have been the end of the discussion.”-No-Life3625
“NTA.”
“If she wasn’t hosting, she was bringing something.”
“Why didn’t she bring a dessert she could eat?”- Nervous-Manager6013
“NTA.”
“You made a choice to bring a dessert that would be enjoyable for the majority of the guests while being considerate enough to inform your friend with celiac disease that the pie wasn’t gluten-free.”
“It is not unreasonable to make a dish that caters to most people’s preferences and dietary needs.”
“When planning a gathering, it’s impossible to accommodate every single guest’s dietary restrictions and preferences.”
“Your friend’s frustration might stem from feeling excluded or not considered, but it doesn’t justify the way they reacted towards you.”
“As long as you make an effort to inform her of the ingredients, you did your part in being considerate of her dietary restrictions.”- HannahCharmCraze
“NTA.”
“It’s one dish and as someone who has that disease she should be able to eat other stuff, all this blame shouldn’t be on you.”- Many_Product6732
“NTA.”
“I also bake quite often but I’m very up front that I won’t do baking for extreme allergies/intolerances.”
“My kitchen is small and I just don’t have the space to ensure there isn’t any cross contamination.”
“Plus as you said, the ingredients are largely more expensive and require more planning and a different skill set.”
“What I have started doing though, we are lucky to have a gluten free bakery in town and I’ll stop by and pick something small up for someone.”
“Do some digging around and see what you can find and it might be an option for you.”-PrairieBunny91
While others had little to no sympathy with the OP, feeling that they blatantly ignored their friend’s allergy, and having trouble accepting their excuses of why making a gluten-free dessert was so difficult:
“Soft YTA.”
“You could have baked some of the apples in a ramekin for her and it would have been no trouble.”
“Now she feels excluded and hurt.”
‘Maybe apologize to keep the peace in your friend group.”- shamespiral60
There were also a few who didn’t feel there were any a**holes, feeling the OP had every right to make whichever dessert they wanted to, but sympathizing with their friend for feeling ignored:
“NAH.”
“I understand you not wanted to bake a gluten free pie (especially if you haven’t done a trial run because gf baking can be challenging), but I also understand that your friend was hurt that her restrictions were not considered.”
“People with dietary restrictions can feel invisible.”- Euphoric-Zucchini-18
Most of the time, people with serious allergies or food sensitivities tend to bring their own food to social gatherings, saving others the trouble of accommodating them.
That still doesn’t stop them from feeling left out or excluded from time to time.
Even if it didn’t quite merit their friend’s rather heightened reaction, perhaps the OP might choose their dishes with a bit more sensitivity at future parties.
Specifically, make something they know everyone can eat.