It can be challenging meeting new people.
Different habits can rub people the wrong way or cause arguments where none were intended.
Of course, where do you draw the line between being who you are, and curbing yourself to fit someone else’s comfort?
That was the problem facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) tPainFan25 when they came to the “Am I the A**hole” subReddit for outside opinions.
They asked:
“AITA for accepting a free drink from a stranger while on a first date?”
OP began with the background.
“I have no idea if I’m in the wrong here.”
“So, I was texting back and forth with a guy for about a week that I met at a football game.”
“We had seats next to each other struck up a conversation and exchanged numbers.”
“Seemed pretty normal in texts and definitely looking for a relationship.”
“I was honest I was up in the air for anything hahaha not that I didn’t want a relationship but I’m not actively seeking one?”
Then they explained the situation at hand.
“So boom, he invites me out to dinner at a nice bar and I was going out with my friends later that night so I figured it would be a cool pre-game before I met up with my friends.”
“Things are going pretty okay and we just grab some wings to share and charcuterie board along with a bottle of wine.”
“When the waitress comes back she has all the appetizers, the wine, and a shot.”
“My date tells her we didn’t order the shot.”
“And, she points over to a guy sitting at the bar and says he sent that over for me.”
“My date then tells the waitress that we didn’t need it and that he appreciated the offer though.”
“I’m not one to waste free alcohol and I tell her that’s fine she can leave it.”
“I was sitting facing the bar and just as the waitress leaves I’m grabbing the shot and the guy who sent me the drink turns around and gives me an across-the-room cheers motion with his drink.”
“I do the same and I’m about to take the shot and my date is like ‘are you really going to accept a drink from another guy while we are on a date?’.”
“I tell him it’s just a drink and it’s not a huge deal and I don’t even know that guy.”
“Then, I take the shot and try to keep talking.”
Later…
“He’s not eating and barely interacting then he just gets up and heads over to the bar.”
“He goes up there closes out the bill and walks out the door.”
“Totally leaving me there.”
“I tried to text him the next day and he basically said I disregarded his feelings and that I was a bit of an a**hole the way I brushed off what he was saying and taking that shot was like a slap in the face.”
“I really don’t think I’m in the wrong.”
“I didn’t flirt with the guy and he wasn’t an ex.”
“I don’t even know the bar stranger.”
“If my date didn’t make a huge deal about it we could’ve enjoyed the rest of the night.”
They were left to wonder:
“So, am I the a**hole?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for outside opinions.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided : YTA
Some responses got right to the point.
“YTA.”
“People send drinks as an opening pick up line.”
“You flirted with another guy and told him he had a shot while on a date.”
“Not cool.”~NUT-me-SHELL
And,
“Yeah, YTA.”
“Buying a woman a drink is the universal ‘I’m trying to get your attention romantically/sexually’ at a bar.”
“By accepting that gesture, you really kinda flipped a middle finger in this guy’s face.”
“Edit to add your date tried to tell you he was uncomfortable and decline, quite politely and you overrode him, while the other gentleman was watching and said ‘No, I want it!’.”
“It’s not about wasting alcohol – the bartender would’ve given it back and the guy would’ve drank it.”~sugarxb0nes
Others saw OP’s side but still pointed out they were wrong.
“Honestly, If she was on a date with me, I’d encourage her to take the shot.”
“F*ck to this day, I encourage my wife to (safely) accept any free drinks she wants.”
“But this wasn’t a date with me and her date made it clear he wasn’t comfortable with it.”
“YTA“~Codenamerondo1
There were also personal stories.
“When I was younger I was at a club with my GF.”
“I went to the bathroom and was gone for like 5 minutes, and when I came back some dude had bought her a drink and was trying to chat her up.”
“So she handed me the drink and the 3 of us just stood there awkwardly while I sipped the drink (luckily it wasn’t roofied) until he walked off lol.”~ToothbrushGames
Commenters took the time to explain why OP was wrong.
“YTA.”
“The guy couldn’t get a read on your dinner, he wanted to see if you were open/available – so he sends the drink.”
“By drinking the shot basically with him – complete with eye contact – you are totally communicating with him and your date that you are available.”
“He’s also drinking a shot because he sent you what he’s drinking.”
“If you refused it – he would have just had it himself.”
“Not wanting to waste the alcohol is irrelevant and you are hiding behind that.”
:Info: Did the bar guy eventually come over and ask for your number?”~Bazodee286
There were even compliments on the date’s restraint.
“I would’ve said ‘maybe he’ll give you a free meal too’ and left without paying.“~Bmillybluntz
It can be challenging meeting new people.
The habits, the beliefs and the behaviors of others sometimes reflect more than intended.
Those reflections aren’t always flattering.
Be open to new experiences, and to new people, but always remember to voice your feelings as well.